My wife wants to move to a small English village...but according to Masterpiece Theater, the murder rate is insanely high in these towns. Like a murder a week.

50

u/Amnsia 2d ago

Midsomer Murders

11

u/GrayMareCabal 2d ago

Midsomer was at least two murders a week. Or episode, which granted may have aired weekly, but not for the entire week, which now begs the question, did they just not have murders the rest of the year? Or did they just not solve the murders?

Should we have sent Jessica Fletcher there? Or would that have increased the murder count astronomically?

8

u/Amnsia 2d ago

For all we know it could have happened all in 1 week and then dragged out for the tv schedule. The police don’t get paid enough in that village. Heroes the lot of them.

4

u/BatteryAt14percent 1d ago

The only place where getting a mortgage is easy but life insurance is impossible

2

u/Existing_Ad5073 1d ago

And besides the murders, don't forget about local societies, clubs and associations. Either a lot of members get murdered, framed, or the murderer is active in those kind of things.

If it would be real, village life would crumble every week. And how nice is living in a village like that without competitive birdwatching or historical societies?

1

u/ledow 1d ago

I live near several filming locations for Midsomer Murders and I can tell you that there are probably more plaques dotted around than there were murders!

37

u/Active_Recording_789 2d ago

So cozy! So sensible! Just don’t have any affairs, don’t make any heirs jealous and for gods sake stay away from butlers

2

u/Elsbeth55 1d ago

And stay away from the bell towers.

22

u/CantaloupeCamper 2d ago edited 2d ago

Bro I’m watching Endevor and they’re just ripping through the population of Oxford like mad.

8

u/Xanavaris 2d ago

It’s how they open up new spots for Professors because the only way to get promoted is when someone pops their clogs.

15

u/ken_NT 2d ago

Just once I’m sure those detectives would love to solve a crime like auto theft or forgery.

9

u/Feisty-Resource-1274 2d ago

Father Brown has a whole sub-plot about his relationship with a master thief

1

u/andrinaivory 14h ago

Yes, the actual stories investigate all sorts of things, including non-crimes like The Absence of Mr Glass, or the importance of waiters not looking like gentlemen.

13

u/jjmoreta 2d ago

Don't worry, they also apparently have plenty of detectives with traumatic pasts that like to stare broodingly off of cliffs at the ocean before they have their epiphanies that solve the case.

12

u/Once_Upon_Time 2d ago

Yup Property available all the time 🤗.

Have you seen some of those cozy murder cottages? Well worth the chance you might be murdered and no worries your killer gets caught in 90 minutes!

2

u/TeikaDunmora 1d ago

Usually a murder puts people off a house and damages the value. Imagine how cheap a property with dozens of murders could be! 🤩

11

u/Top-Appearance-9965 1d ago

But luckily English tv seasons are only 6 episodes a year, so the other 46 weeks of the year you’re golden.

9

u/SquidgyTheWhale 2d ago

I made similar comments a few times before moving to England. Tell your wife that the key is to actually get involved in solving the murders. Due to budget cuts, most towns don't even have an assigned detective with personality quirks!

8

u/ruffianrevolution 1d ago

No you're fine. I live in a small english village and nothing like that ever hap

3

u/helpfromangels 1d ago

r/redditsniper

8

u/Dont_Care_Meh 2d ago

Cabot Cove, Maine is far deadlier. You'll be fine.

6

u/isaac32767 1d ago

Cabot Cove has been pretty safe since that weird old lady stopped "solving" murders.

7

u/hermit_onthe_moon 2d ago

Also being new residents you probably harbor crazy skeletons in your closets - putting you at the top of the “to be murdered/suspected” list. Cute cottages though…might be worth it?

7

u/rose442 2d ago

It is…… but the weekly murders are usually focused on long time residents with a complex history of social and financial entanglements so….. no worries!!! You’ll likely only be accused of murder. 👍🏽

2

u/HighlandsBen 1d ago

Be careful about getting involved in local clubs and events though. The long simmering tensions on the Open Gardens committee sometimes engulf newcomers

1

u/rose442 1d ago

Good advice!!!

8

u/TVCasualtydotorg 2d ago

I live not too far from the filming locations for most of these shows. There's bugger all else to do in these villages but commit a spot of murder.

2

u/publiusnaso 2d ago

Or in the case of Piddington, declare yourself to be a small independent fascist enclave.

7

u/TheWitchCapricorn 1d ago

I live in a small English village and haven't been murdered before. Can't speak on the rest of them.

2

u/subsector 1d ago

How can you be so certain you haven’t been murdered? Statistics don’t lie. Wait…

2

u/TheWitchCapricorn 1d ago

Damn you're right, maybe I am dead.....

2

u/subsector 1d ago

Join the club

5

u/crescentmoonrising 1d ago

I'm pretty sure I grew up in the town Hot Fuzz was based on and now I've moved to Cambridge, which according to TV series & books is far worse.

2

u/01000010-01101001 1d ago

Does your mum have/had a shotgun?

2

u/crescentmoonrising 1d ago

No, though she did military service in the country she grew up in, so at one point she had a machine gun. We weren't farmers, though.

4

u/According_Park3150 1d ago

That is why there are always rooms available.

3

u/Htv65 2d ago

You can only get killed once. No need to worry about weekly murders.

3

u/subsector 1d ago

I live in a tiny English village and can confirm we all live in fear of murder. We lost 20% of the residents to murder this year alone! It’s the ninjas I blame.

2

u/Worried-Throat-1767 1d ago

Eh, just move to Midsummer

1

u/Guilty_Objective4602 1d ago

Anecdotal evidence from The Marlow Murder Club (which I’m currently watching) supports these frightening statistics.

1

u/intheether323 1d ago

Move to Midsomer 🤣

1

u/RefurbedRhino 1d ago

It's for the greater good...

1

u/iknowyouneedahugRN 1d ago

Flip the channel to All Creatures, Great and Small. Then you will find out there are lots of cows having breech births. :)

-1

u/Wise-Distribution927 2d ago

That sounds like a classic British village setup for a cozy mystery novel. Maybe you'll meet a detective who's more interested in tea than solving crimes.

My wife wants to move to a small English village...but according to Masterpiece Theater, the murder rate is insanely high in these towns. Like a murder a week.

You are about to leave Redlib