I've been a Church Member for years right now. I don't wanna tell to much but I am in highschool and once I become an adult I'll be planning to departure from my church in a way that my family won't question or know until later. Hopefully.
I was surprised to see there's a reddit group full of ex-members or used to believe in the faith of this form of Christianity. I haven't explored much but I can tell everyone has their own experience and opinions on the Iglesia Ni Cristo organization. Ironically at least 55% of the time it was Filipinos, lol. But I seen there are English speaking members and I want to ask y'all. How come you don't believe in the faith? What is making you inclined to not fully believe in the teachings of God and Jesus Christ?
I'm asking this as someone who also feels the same way. Despite being in a family that are Christians, I myself do not fully believe nor understand Christianity explained by the Iglesia Ni Cristo. Despite the teachings, lessons, indoctrinations, and even attending worship services, not even 1% in my body did I ever understood nor believed in Christ. At all.
"Just pray to God and he will provide!" After covid, my family is financially struggling. "Pray to God for whatever you need!" This family has too many issues swept under the rug and dysfunctional as shit. "The end is near!" Hopefully. Also it's kinda not helping me as I overthink if we're all gonna destroy the earth and earth dies and I'll never get to achieve my dreams. "The devil uses his instruments to keep you out of the path of God!" Well shit I get my whole family and I are the devil.
At a young age, even as a 5 year old, I think I already had a foundation of beliefs. God, Christ and the Holy Spirit and the Bible were none of those. Think of it like handing a child a "made with real authentic" waxed candle and you tell them to place it on the table and light it up. They do as they're told but the moment the fire is set, the wax doesn't melt. And after awhile the fire dims and dies, nothing is changing. Yet neither the child nor parent changes it. But the child is confused on why there's nothing happening to the candle, and why isn't like the rest of the other candles?
It looks weird and out of place but it stays there anyways because it's a candle. All candles are the same, right?
I feel so performative yet so forced to act like I have a faith and belief in God and Christ but there's no spark. So, am I truly a Christian?
Please share your own experiences! I'd like to know how even if you never believed in God or Christ, how do you perceive it and what effects do you think it had on your life until now? Or even before? Was there ever a spark or was it just sitting there as empty space that was forced onto you yet you had to hold on to it?