r/etiquette • u/Economy_Way_9046 • 5d ago
How should we thank family that threw us a wedding celebration?
My husband and I had a small destination wedding, his mom’s (passed a few years ago) brothers and sisters were not able to attend as they are in their 70s and it was a long flight.
They (his 5 aunts and uncle) VERY generously threw us a family celebration when we came back, it was a mix of catered and potluck food, they decorated one of his uncles barn’s with lights and set up a very cute table for us with photos and a cake. They also all gifted a card with some cash in it. It was overall so nice and sweet.
We obviously will send a thank you card but we want to give something more than that - like a gift card or voucher for restaurant, any advice on what’s a good thank you gift and the dollar value?
They are in the US in the Midwest if that helps.
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u/EmceeSuzy 5d ago
They do not want a gift as a thank you, apart from a wedding photo perhaps. Thank them graciously with a written card, and continue to thank them occasionally. Talk about the specific elements that you loved (or ones that you think they wanted you to love). Give them your time and attention.
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u/Normal-Equivalent222 5d ago
If you have a nice photo of you guys and them at the celebration, and frame it nicely or have it put on something like metal or acrylic keepsake, that would go a long way to say thank you, plus a nice written note from the 2 of you.
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u/Podcastjunkie39 5d ago
I think the gift needs to be something senimental. It’s obvious you all care very deeply for each other, and I would feel the same in your position.
I think that a monetary gift weather cash or gift card, would defeat the purpose. How I see it is that they wanted to give you this gift to help you into your new chapter. I would go with a picture or making sure you have them over frequently if you live close by. .
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u/caparusso 5d ago edited 5d ago
A phone call to each of them thanking them for throwing the surprise party and for their generous gift……honestly they won’t want anything in return only thing that sounds like they would want to do is keep in touch with you continue your good relationship that’s all they want.
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u/EconomicsWorking6508 4d ago
It's sad to me that people feel like they need to materially compensate someone else's generosity. Are you trying to balance the scale?
I like the advice of giving them a nice photo of the event, and the other sentimental gift ideas.
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u/Curlytomato 5d ago
A little album with a bunch of photos of the celebration and maybe a special Christmas ornament they can hang on the tree every year.
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u/Only-Memory2627 4d ago
Send them hand written thank you cards and at most, two small-medium sized printed photos: one from your destination wedding and one from your party, ideally with all of them and you in it.
If it’s possible / realistic, invite them to dinner at your house either all together or separately.
They do not want your money… the whole point is they were trying to celebrate you and your new spouse’s entry into your family.
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u/saguarocactus_ 5d ago
I tend not to send vouchers/gift cards with my thank you notes, so that the recipient doesn't know the dollar amount I spent. In similar situations, I've send a card and plant in a cute pots, or a package from Omaha Steaks, or an edible arrangement. Always with a hand written note. Something that doesn't add clutter but is easily adjustable to the price you want to pay for the thank you. You could even do a photo from the party in a nice picture frame.
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u/Meancvar 5d ago
You are very nice! Have a grilling afternoon at the house, grill nice steak and some shrimp / lobster to impress the relatives!
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u/Economy_Way_9046 5d ago
We would but we’re a few states away and just visit them once a year or so
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u/MullberryBoy 5d ago
Can you illustrate the thank you with some photos from the event and a photo of you two from your wedding? They would love that!
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u/asyouwish 2d ago
Wow! That is soooo sweet!
What is your budget and how many thank you gifts do you need?
Gift cards are nice. Maybe to a nicer grocery than their normal one? Massages?
A gift basket full of treats? Or even dinner: pasta, Mariana, biscotti, garlic, ghee, bread, cookies? Or breakfast: pancake mix, muffins, coffee/tea, shelf-stable milk and OJ, fruit?
Nice, cozy lap blankets.
Cashmere scarves?
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u/Critical-Star-1158 4d ago
Host dinners at your place (or a cozy restaurant) for them - individually or small groups. Keep it intimate.
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u/Prestigious-Fan3122 5d ago
It's complicated, but when one of my kids got married, his Bride's uncle officiated the wedding. No, he's not a member of the court, or actually he's an unintentional member of the courage. He was once a professor at a lesser – known university that's owned by a large, religious organization (no, not Notre Dame or one of the BYU campus/not Catholic or Mormon)
That particular denomination doesn't have a school of theology or an ordination process. People who are ministers just decide they are ministers and if a congregation will hire them, they are hired and all of a sudden they can call themselves a pastor. As tined faculty at the university, he and the other professors were designated as clergy. It has something to do with taxes. That was in a different state than where the wedding was held, but they checked it out, and his clergy designation made him eligible to conduct the ceremony.
He had never conducted a wedding ceremony, preached a sermon, officiated at a funeral, etc. He never wanted to be a minister, it was just part of being an engineering professor.
So! The guy was pretty comfortable, financially, was a semi Dash closeted gay man without a permanent partner or long-term partner, and pretty much bought himself whatever he wanted.
As the Groom's parents, we felt it appropriate to do what one would usually do: give the officiant an envelope with a sum of money in it, but, since it was a family member, we thought that might be in poor Taste. We asked the bride, and she said nothing was necessary. Then she told me that he had a personal shopper at a particular department store, and she gave me that lady's name and number. I called and asked what he liked. The stuff he bought was various skin creams that come in like 1/2 ounce containers for $500 each, so the idea of getting him an assortment of his skincare products went out the window!
Instead, I instructed the Wedding photographer to be sure to get a photo of him with the bride and groom.
I got a silver picture frame, had it engraved "thanks, Joe"at the top and at the bottom of "John and Mari" October 17, 2026"well obviously I use the actual wedding date. Lol
If you've got photos of the wedding decor and some of the special touches they added, maybe make them a little tiny photo album of those photos so they can show it to their friends who come over to visit, it will also show them that you noticed all the special things they did.
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u/Forreal19 5d ago
I can't imagine they want anything with a monetary value from them, I would think perhaps a picture of you two looking happy at their celebration would be perfect.