r/etiquette • u/LeslieKnope4Pawnee • Apr 02 '26

If you are having a birthday celebration and/or dinner, who pays?

If you are hosting a party, dinner, or event to celebrate your birthday, etiquette dictates that you cover the costs of food and entertainment. Guests are there to celebrate you, and as part of that celebration should not be charged for attending.

You can read more about hosts being expected to foot any bills for a celebration they are throwing in any of the following articles:

  • The Etiquette School of America's article "Does the Host Always Pay?" here.
  • CNBC's article "'Don’t ask your guests for money’ and 7 other party tips from etiquette experts" here.
  • Washington Post columnist Michelle Singletary's article "Color of Money: Hey, millennials, If you host a party, your guests don't pay — even if you're broke" here.
40 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

19

u/Reasonable_Mail1389 Apr 02 '26

Thank you! Now we can direct the thousandth question we get about this to the pinned post 🤪 Appreciate it! 

3

u/Maraha-K29 Apr 04 '26

Tangentially related but is it tacky to throw yourself a birthday dinner? Ofcourse I'll be paying myself for all yhe guests I invite.

8

u/LeslieKnope4Pawnee Apr 04 '26

Traditional etiquette is that you don’t throw a party to celebrate yourself and that someone else would host it for you.

Modern etiquette seems to have moved beyond that and people plan their own parties all the time. Etiquette evolves!

6

u/Superb_Ant_3741 Apr 07 '26

It’s a class move. It’s actually tradition in many other countries (outside America).

Have a fabulous time. And happy birthday.

2

u/x97sfinest Jul 28 '26

I disagree with this so wholeheartedly. Everyone pays separately at every birthday dinner I've gone to in my 20's, unless it's just an immediate family only affair. If anything someone picks up the birthday person's bill and they're the only one who doesn't pay.

1

u/CoolCatBlue321 Aug 27 '26

True. But I feel like hosting a party at your place vs. a restaurant makes a difference. The original post could be referring to one hosted at your home. But I agree. When at a restaurant, everyone pays for themselves and also pays for the birthday person.

-12

u/Snowy_Sasquatch Apr 02 '26

You’ve answered your own question but surely this is obvious and not even up for debate?

34

u/LeslieKnope4Pawnee Apr 02 '26

I made the post to pin to the top of the sub. We've gotten a flood of those questions recently and a few users have asked for it to be pinned to the notices. :)

Just trying to "clean up" the repeated questions a bit by front loading some of the common ones up above.

17

u/llamalibrarian Apr 02 '26

It’s not actually their own question… they’re clearly a mod and this is a post to direct people to when they ask this for the millionth time