r/cleanjokes • • 13d ago

I just dropped a heavy box of berries on my foot.

82 Upvotes

Now I cranberry walk.


r/cleanjokes • • 13d ago

Scientists tried to genetically mix a leopard and a crab... Spoiler

120 Upvotes

...but they stopped soon, when they realised it can go sideways really fast!


r/cleanjokes • • 13d ago

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

52 Upvotes

"Where's my tractor?"


r/cleanjokes • • 14d ago

What did the sailor say when asked where the nearest ocean is?

117 Upvotes

Can you be more Pacific?


r/cleanjokes • • 14d ago

I saw a fisherman cleaning barnacles and shellfish from the sides of his boat

116 Upvotes

As I walked past him I told him, "it takes mussels to do that."


r/cleanjokes • • 14d ago

I cultivated a tree that produces car parts.

93 Upvotes

I have a bumper crop this year.


r/cleanjokes • • 14d ago

Every time you make a typo…

83 Upvotes

…the errorists win!


r/cleanjokes • • 15d ago

I fell for a cyclops. She is the one eye love. Her name is Iris.

226 Upvotes

She texts me on her eye phone.


r/cleanjokes • • 16d ago

There’s a new sport called “Quiet Tennis”.

206 Upvotes

It’s the same as regular tennis without the racket.


r/cleanjokes • • 16d ago

What is President Obama’s wife Michelle’s favorite vegetable ?

54 Upvotes

Ba-roc-ca-li


r/cleanjokes • • 16d ago

What is a horse that has black and white stripes called ?

42 Upvotes

A Horse


r/cleanjokes • • 16d ago

What did Sting say, when he got to the beach?

56 Upvotes

Rocks Sand


r/cleanjokes • • 16d ago

Why did the pizza start going to therapy?

57 Upvotes

Because it had too many crust issues


r/cleanjokes • • 16d ago

Too many herbs and spices on holiday food lead to issues.

13 Upvotes

Some are saffron from season all depression.


r/cleanjokes • • 17d ago

What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

309 Upvotes

One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.


r/cleanjokes • • 17d ago

How do you make kung foccacia?

26 Upvotes

With tae-kwan dough!!!

But for real though, how do you make for real bread?

With for real dough.


r/cleanjokes • • 18d ago

What does a nosy pepper do?

67 Upvotes

Gets jalapeno business


r/cleanjokes • • 18d ago

I was in a hoagie of the month club, but…

41 Upvotes

I’m canceling my sub scription.


r/cleanjokes • • 19d ago

What is a cat's favorite place to shop?

65 Upvotes

The Big Box Store.


r/cleanjokes • • 19d ago

What do you call a rabbit with fleas?

151 Upvotes

Bugs Bunny.


r/cleanjokes • • 19d ago

Surveys indicate that BBQ shredded pig is most popular smoked item.

39 Upvotes

According to polled pork.


r/cleanjokes • • 20d ago

A McDonald’s supply truck just passed me on the highway.

102 Upvotes

He was driving a Big Mack.


r/cleanjokes • • 20d ago

How did a guy with black hair go to a baseball game and come home with blond hair?

222 Upvotes

He was sitting in the bleachers


r/cleanjokes • • 20d ago

I burned 1400 calories today. ..

83 Upvotes

I left my frozen pizza in the oven too long


r/cleanjokes • • 21d ago

What's the secret to making dog biscuits?

125 Upvotes

Collie flour.