r/cleanjokes • u/Healthy_Ladder_6198 Joker • 11d ago

Teacher Arrested

Teacher Arrested!
A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference Attorney General Todd Blanche said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a problem for us," Director of National Intelligence Clayton said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values." They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Trump said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." White House Director of Communications Cheung told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

254 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

22 comments sorted by

3

u/Working_Substance639 9d ago

I’m just wondering why they’re trying to find my ex.

Trust me, you don’t.

6

u/RynKittenOF 11d ago

Omg yay I'm getting one u guys ,

7

u/hockeydon386 11d ago

We’re getting to the root of the problem

3

u/RynKittenOF 11d ago

That's always the goal

2

u/gogoyami100 11d ago

We all need a slice of the Pi

6

u/happyrtiredscientist 11d ago

Thank you for your attention on this matter!

5

u/ApprehensivePea6552 11d ago

Well done.
Thank you for your service

6

u/Babble6 11d ago

One of the Very Best threads on Reddit ever. We need more like this!

12

u/hd-cat-guy-91 11d ago

Damn, I needed that teacher to cosine my loan.

6

u/Stretch5701 11d ago

Nah. He's not going to sin anything.

5

u/hd-cat-guy-91 11d ago

Guess he went off on a tangent.

5

u/Spodatack 9d ago

Give me a secant and I’ll find out.

6

u/PhD77777 11d ago

Make him memorize Pi!!

2

u/RynKittenOF 11d ago

3.14159

What comes after that?

4

u/Creative-Canary-941 11d ago

3654

A piece of useless tangential trivia I memorized in high school that’s still stuck in my internal memory spaces somewhere on the road to infinity.

2

u/PhD77777 11d ago

I memorized way too many digits in my junior high math class because the teacher had it on a printout around the wall in the room!

8

u/ThatScooter 11d ago

That's a bit harsh... Perhaps only last 4 digits?

3

u/Nalot_1 11d ago

I’m sure he’d round it off in his favor… and expect us to make do with crumbs yet again…

4

u/deepspace1357 11d ago

All the figures of interest have been contained at this point

14

u/ProfessionalRule8113 11d ago

And he was sent to prism.

12

u/qzak15 11d ago

Well, that sums it up

10

u/throwaway_321121 11d ago

It all adds up, now.