Is bipolar depression just a deluded thinking?

[u/SquareWalk6730]

I have bipolar 1 with psychotic features with mania and mixed episodes. I can get deluded during mania.

But when I'm depressed, I feel less "out of it" that mania or hypomania makes me feel. I feel like I'm deluded in depression though. Like bipolar depression is not the same as regular depressive disorders.

I never used to see mania and depression as the same, as in they both make me deluded, just differently. I don't think I've ever experienced psychotic depression, but when I am severely depressed I start believing I'm a terrible person, bad at my job, bad at my hobbies - I can only pull negative thoughts, and they are delusions of why nothing matters at all, and questioning why I'm even trying. I start to think about all the bad things I've ever done (or perceived as bad), all my mistakes, etc.

I'm in a weird depressive episode right now, and its making me feel detached and just all over "off". I've never felt this way during depression before, where I feel slightly out of touch. I don't know how to describe it without it sounding like I'm decomposated when I'm not.

Maybe I'm in a mixed episode as I just abruptly ended a weekish long hypomanic episode. But I just keep breaking down in tears and see no point in living. But I'm too tired to act on any of my thoughts.

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, and hes aware of my mood shft already. Idk if I'm just venting or just needed somewhere to put my thoughts. Today is a rough one.

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[u/blueberries99]

Wow you described my experience exactly! I’m bipolar 1 and lean heavily towards mania. When I do get “depressed” it’s not a sadness. It’s more negative thoughts and doubts about my future and will to live and insecurities and a lack of motivation mixed with fatigue. I have the same sort of out of touch with reality thinking as well impulsive thoughts and actions just in a negative direction. I completely feel it’s different than unipolar depression or just plain sadness.

[u/SquareWalk6730 → u/blueberries99]

You just described what I go through even more. Sounds like we suffer quite similarly. ❤️❤️

[u/[deleted]]

No it isn't just deluded thinking. It's much more than that. For instance, some people experience lowered cognitive functioning during their depressive phase. I go from being able to watch a foreign film with subs, to being unable to keep track. It's kinda wild.

[u/SquareWalk6730 → u/[deleted]]

It just feels like the same way my brain works when I'm having deluded manic thoughts...except these thoughts feel "heavier" inside my head. Its so weird.

[u/[deleted] → u/SquareWalk6730]

I think I know what you might mean. When I'm hypo I experience exsessive emotional intensity. Stimuli hits me harder in that state. Even thinking about things feels great.

[u/Hellscaper_69]

Yes I think extreme and sometimes delusional negative thoughts are a key feature for my bipolar depression. It’s also probably what makes bipolar depression much worse and also requires different treatment.

[u/SquareWalk6730 → u/Hellscaper_69]

That's sort of what prompted me to make this post, because I was thinking about how my antidepressants is doing nothing for me right now, while in the past, a strong antipsychotic helped me at least not go full bipolar depression, and just kept me at a sort of depressed baseline.

[u/Shallstrom → u/SquareWalk6730]

Yeah time for a med checkup - glad to hear you’re going to see someone soon.

My most recent med setup is mood stabilizers with antipsychotics. I add an antidepressant only if i start to have depression symptoms and use it for a couple weeks until i start feeling like I’m moving back up and then quit it - i don’t stay on it long otherwise i can move into a mixed episode right away.

Same for being going up, then i increase my AP until i start sleeping and feeling less jumpy. It usually takes a couple weeks then i taper it down to my maintenance mood stabilizer and AP doses.

This is how I’ve been managing to avoid big episodes (fingers crossed for the future).

Hope you move to stability soon, all these episodes suck.

[u/SquareWalk6730 → u/Shallstrom]

I've been on every medication that I can take as a women for bipolar disorder. My psychiatrist and I are honestly at a loss of what else there is for me to try.

[u/Shallstrom → u/SquareWalk6730]

Wow, you must have gone through a lot. I’ve been around the med merry-go-round quite a few times, but still have lots to go through before i run out of choices. The ones with the worst side effects are the last ones I’ll be trying, for sure. Here’s the info/lists I try to keep in mind for my future self.

antipsychotics
mood stabilizers
antidepressants
Anxiety (common comorbid dx)

[u/Calm_Cauliflower8447 → u/SquareWalk6730]

I had something similar a few weeks ago and is a feature for me. I have started something that helps recently. I tend to have the same thoughts as in a similar pattern or should I say theme? They are always similar thoughts around the same topics. So, I started saying to myself is this a real thought or a bipolar thought? Because it was in my pattern I could say with honesty this isn't a real thought, and it helped cut it dead. Do you have a common theme to your negative thinking? Mine is family related.

[u/Roseythebluerose]

I'm glad it's not just me! But rip to you, op

[u/Fantastic_Weird_3481]

I never thought of it this is at but it's so true . Yes happening right now. Any observations about length in comparison to positive/negative experience ? Thank you

[u/Fantastic_Weird_3481]

Anyone have any suggestions regarding separating and potentially eliminating even when you recognize that you're in this state

[u/Sure_Appointment_155]

Yeah this is exactly how I get, I do however believe it can happen in unipolar depression as well. When I get depressed I feel like I’ll be stuck in that state forever and my life is over.

[u/groovindude]

this is very relatable. i have bp1 w psychotic features and i feel like i don’t ever have “pure” depression anymore, like there’s always some mixed mania features going on. maybe that’s just a mixed episode tho idk. i’ve never been told i was having a mixed episode by a professional, they’ve always called it mania even if i described my mood as depressed