I don't know the exact timeline since my mind has been such a mess lately cus of this but all this takes place sometime between the 6th (Tuesday) and present day, the 12th.
Basically i met this guy, we'll call him Jest, through my friend (we'll call them Denise) and we hung out and it was absolutely amazing. I immediately fell for Jest like it was love at first sight. I loved everything about him, he is genuinely just perfect, my exact type. And we had a few bonding moments that really make me when happy thinking about it. But only a few days later, he ends up coming clean about his last and telling my friend Denise that 3-4 months ago, he was in a very bad friend group and ended up saying the n word a few times. (He's Filipino and Native) He explained that he was in a very very bad mental state and he got roped in with the wrong people but he completely regrets it now and he knows so much better and he's insanely remorseful about it but he wanted to come clean and start telling people because he cares about how important that part of his past is. Now Denise isn't really sure what to do because on one hand, Jest is in fact a much better person now and he is remorseful, but on the other hand, he still said the n word like, pretty recently.
So naturally I'm freaking out too bc im like. Insanely in love with this guy. And Denise is still trying to figure out if they are gonna drop him or not. Eventually I do think they are gonna stop being friends with him because in the alt scene that we're in, stuff like this doesn't fly at all and you will geneuinly be blacklisted from everything if your hanging out with somebody who used to be racist, even if they have in fact changed.
And im like, in the middle of this just freaking out sosoooooooo bad cus I still REALLY like this guy and I hate the fact that I do. Cus I do want to hate him for his past and stuff and in a way I definitely do but at the same time I can't bring myself to not like him anymore. I believe that he has truly changed but I know other people won't see it like that and that's what I'm mostly scared of. Cus I don't make many friends in the scene, and if im friends with Jest I know thats only gonna make ppl dislike me. But again, I still, REALLY, like him. Idk what to do and I'm just so stressed.
Honestly everything about this situation hurts so much. I think the fear that I might not ever be able to see him or talk to him hurts a lot, but the chance that I could lose like my closest friends because of it hurts a bit more. I do feel guilty for still loving smby who used to be racist, and that genuinely does make me feel like shit. I don't really know how to feel because I do believe that he has changed but I know that other people wont see it like that. Also another thing thats upsetting is that I'm genuinely like not even good friends with Jest like at all 😭😭 We met briefly once, and hung out once for like maybe 6 hours but we've never even texted. I don't even understand why I'm so attached to Jest to be honest, it's really weird, I know.
An honorable mention is that we are all within the age of 14-16. Any opinions or advice would be MUCH appreciated. I've been so stressed lately I can't even eat without feeling insanely nauseous and it's been affecting me physically really bad.
Side note: Conflict is more so the fact that I have to make a decision to either drop him or keep my friends. People are quite snippy when it comes to people with a bad past, no matter how much they've changed. Theres also the moral dilemma of being in love with somebody who has a past like that. Since being racist goes directly against all my moral standpoints, yk?