slowly fearing it less

[u/loveliet]

before i would be SO fearful about what would happen after i die, but nowadays the doors of death are looking much warmer. i used to be such an ironic mix of suicide ideation and death anxiety. i almost attempted this past weekend. it would’ve been my first try, from an overdose. it seemed too painful so i never went through with it. i’m thinking of maybe hanging myself instead. i honestly want to have someone shoot me, but that’s unrealistic. i’m truly just so pathetic. i was doomed from the very start. i have no one in my life who truly understands me. i have absolutely 0 friends. i tried to open up to my mom, but the way she tried to comfort me was shit. at some point she told me that i’m selfish. it pissed me off. i seriously want out of here. i’m only just one person out of over 8 billion people anyway, i’m not that special. i’m an ugly useless loser. i really am just so tired and desperate to leave. i truly know what it means now when people say they want to go home even if they’re already at home.

[u/Unusual_Walrus_8259]

Yeah I also noticed I started to say I want to go to home whenever I am depressed( everyday) and it has increased even more. My true home is where I was before my birth which is non-existence this life this world this country isn't my home at all and I plan to go there soon and now I have the courage to do that too.