r/SuicideWatch • u/Vivid-Fishing2732 • 8h ago

I hate how suicide is "wrong"

Maybe a ridiculous post but I genuinely am starting to believe this.

The people who say that don't have life long issues that cost them happiness. They don't understand what it's like to truly be miserable no matter what, no matter how much time goes past, no matter what I do, no matter how I try to think positively, nothing works.

I hate how I look, I can barely look in the mirror. This isn't body dysmorphia, I truly look hideous. No one would want me, even I myself get physically ill at the sight of myself. (And what makes me ugly I can't get rid of, no matter what)

I have some medical issues as well so that's nice. Love having more shit to hate myself for.

My mental issues have been bad. I'm 17 and don't have a job, drivers license, or any friends. I never leave my house practically. I am no one. With how bad my OCD and anxiety have gotten I get panic attacks at the mere thought of having a job and being forced to talk to people and have people see me. Do you know how pathetic that is? I am in distress over something literally EVERYONE fucking does.

And then people try to convince me that "suicide isn't worth it"? I have been like this for years, even if I somehow get my anxiety a little under control I'll still be awful to look at. I'll still be insecure one way or another. And living for my family feels pointless as well, I think everyone would get over me in a month at the most, i mean I never even leave my room, they remind me of that constantly.

It feels like such an empty lie to be told I don't deserve to die, when I am objectively useless. I'm useless to not only others, but to myself.

36 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

11

u/Vivid-Fishing2732 8h ago

And I know I'm young, but I'm not dumb. Even when I'm older I know I won't be happy. So what's the point? Live a life I know will be painful and miserable?

8

u/Unusual_Walrus_8259 7h ago edited 7h ago

Contrary to their divine facades, they want to exploit you in each and every way by saying "OHH WE LOVE YOU YOU ARENT ALONE IN THIS" and what not. They only love you and care for you when you are not useless and can be used for their own good. Humanity sucks balls.

2

u/munsvalentine 7h ago

while i have different issues than you, i very much understand how it is when they are permanent. others tell you its abt your mindset or some shit like going for a walk....some of them are evil shitbags but most genuinely cant imagine the pain we go through. its literally illogical to them so they dont understand and cant understand. not trying to excuse them just expressing how unfortunate it is. im sorry ❤️‍🩹

1

u/Queasy-Engineer3081 5h ago edited 5h ago

Me identifico mucho con esto. Intento hallarle algún sentido a la vida pero cuesta mucho. Duele demasiado no sentirse capaz de hacer cosas tan “mínimas”, lo del trabajo y tener que lidiar con las personas, te entiendo tanto. Y es lo que más me hace sentirme sin esperanza de que “en algun futuro todo va a mejorar” porque no soy capaz de hacer algo tan mínimo como hablar o ver a los demás sin sentir que doy asco y vergüenza como ser humano. Me siento como una carga. Aunque llevo terapia y medicación solo he estado postrada en cama, quiero acabar con todo pero no sé cómo. Desearía tanto que fuera como caer dormido y ya no sentir más.

Gracias por ponerlo en palabras ❤️

0

u/ElberethSu 7h ago

That's sad. I get life is not what you want it to be, I identify so hard, especially with a long term state of misery. When those thoughts get really loud for me, I like to think that anything is still possible. Even if it's unlikely, maybe you're super talented at something and the world would be missing out by not having you in it anymore. Maybe there's a person, maybe so many people, that are struggling like you are now but if they had you in their life things would get better for them. Just a thought. I do think anything is possible!