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u/mr_malfeasance 3d ago
I took my 8 or 9 m.o. son to my buddies' wedding and I had to try really hard to politely listen to every mother and aunt and sister tell me how to take care of my child without saying, "Look, mfer, your hubby might have been an uninvolved dad, but dont put that shit on me."
Women get shit on all the time for similar things, so I'll take my lumps.
Still gonna bitch about it. 😅
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u/StormtrooperMJS 3d ago edited 2d ago
The amount of times I hear "so you're babysitting today" from women is infuriating. Nah bitch I'm parenting.
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u/14Knightingale27 3d ago
I view it as both sexism towards men (the assumption that you can't be a good parent) and a form of coping mechanism for women whose husbands do, in fact, fall into that stereotype. If YOU, a man, can and do take an active role as a father and in your household, what does that say about their husbands? About rhemselves for enabling it and assuming it's because they're men (and not a failing of their own)?
Probably shit realization to have.
That said, as someone with an absent father, always love seeing involved dads parenting and taking their kids out and clearly an active participant in it. Heals a part of my inner child to see other kids getting that.
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u/Raym0111 2d ago
I once saw a response for this along the lines of "yeah my wife passed that sad day" and watch them squirm 🙂
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u/Nughtsahk 3d ago
My wife works third shift so I spent most mornings with the baby before I went to work and the amount of people that acted like I was the second coming of Jesus was pretty wild.
And then there's my neighbor who makes his wife make his plate at dinner time with a baby on her hip while he sits in the recliner. Straight up called me a pussy in a drunken stupor one day because I changed a diaper in his vicinity.
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u/mr_malfeasance 3d ago
Ruff, dude, he sounds like he'd been better crusting the toes of a gym sock.
It's so weird, right! It's sadly mind-blowing how low the is to be a "good" dad.
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u/HyenaThen572 3d ago
Not no notes.
Having ten women assume your husband is useless should not be applauded.
You should be offended on his behalf.
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u/ArchangelLBC 3d ago
Reminds me of the first or second year of my marriage, my wife went out of town for a week. Every guy in my church small group joked questioned how I was gonna feed myself and if I was going to just eat out all week.
I was so confused/low key insulted. I kept saying "Well I'm an adult man who managed to live on own for several years so I'm going to cook for myself. Are you guys OK?"
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u/DeanMalHanNJackIsms 3d ago
Oh, man, same. Even my wife tried to make 14 dinners and freeze them. I made a delightful crockpot pineapple garlic bbq chicken that was supposed to last 3 days. It lasted almost 2. I saved her a piece and she got mad that I can cook. I always offered, she just refused to let me until then.
Of course, the story of setting my parents kitchen on fire didn't help.
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u/The_Beefy_Vegetarian 3d ago
One of the sweetest things my wife ever did was making a crockpot full of chili for me (back when we both still ate meat) right before she went on a one-week business trip to London while pregnant with our first. I was like...woman, I love you, but I do all the cooking, why do you think I need you to pre-make my dinners when I do the cooking in the first place?
In fairness, I did eat the entire batch of chili for dinner over the course of four nights. It was a case of her solving a problem I didn't know I had, but it was wonderfully sweet of her.
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u/Independent_Can_2623 3d ago
You fuck a sheep one time...
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u/Bubbly_Performer4864 3d ago
Then you feel baaaashful?
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u/WildWonka2021 3d ago
I wouldn't trust any chef that hasn't set the kitchen on fire at least once
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u/DeanMalHanNJackIsms 3d ago
And in my defense, I was 13 with epilepsy and maybe some mild videogame addiction. It was Rayman!
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u/CarolinaSandstorm 3d ago
So you going to post the recipe or what?
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u/Empty-Afternoon-3975 3d ago
Step 1. Get parents' kitcheb
Step 2. Set it on fire
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Profit
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u/andy11123 3d ago
Step 3 is to make sure your parents are in the kitchen and their life insurance is up to date
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u/HollowedVoicesFading 3d ago
Step 1. Get parents' kitcheb
Step 2. Set it on fire
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Profit
The typo makes this so perfect!
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u/DeanMalHanNJackIsms 3d ago
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/237842/slow-cooker-pineapple-chicken/
This looks quite close to what I remember, but I didn't use flour and chose a commercially available bbq sauce instead of soy and brown sugar.
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u/Knight-Creep 3d ago
Seconded, that sounds delicious
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u/DeanMalHanNJackIsms 3d ago
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/237842/slow-cooker-pineapple-chicken/
This looks quite close to what I remember, but I didn't use flour and chose a commercially available bbq sauce instead of soy and brown sugar.
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u/5kmarathoner 3d ago
I’m ridiculously excited to try that dish. It sounds delicious. Thanks for mentioning it.
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u/DeanMalHanNJackIsms 3d ago
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/237842/slow-cooker-pineapple-chicken/
This looks quite close to what I remember, but I didn't use flour and chose a commercially available bbq sauce instead of soy and brown sugar.
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u/DeanMalHanNJackIsms 3d ago
Enjoy! I sadly cannot have it again as I have learned I have IBS, and so much in the recipe is a trigger.
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u/perplexedtv 3d ago
Refused to let you cook in your own home? How does that work? Like if you started cooking she'd fight you?
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u/Sunshine030209 3d ago
I mentioned going out of town for a week without my husband to a woman, and she complained about how much work it was to leave her husband home alone, and expected me to commiserate. I was like "Oh, my husband is a competent human and I didn't do a single thing." She wasn't very happy with me, but it's not my fault that I didn't marry a useless large child 🤷♀️
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u/HollowedVoicesFading 3d ago
She wasn't very happy with me, but it's not my fault that I didn't marry a useless large child 🤷♀️
So many of these BORUs wouldn't exist if there weren't so many useless large children in the world! 🤣
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u/JustLookingForMayhem 3d ago
It is like taking care of a baby. So many people assume I don't know how to change a diaper or burp a baby. I took care of several assorted second cousins and now I get to take care of my first nephew. I am not just holding the baby, I am the babysitter.
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u/hopalong2019 3d ago
My mom goes and visits my sister a few states away several times a year. Every, single, time she loads the freezer and fridge with frozen meals, stuff for him to eat, plans his entire menu. Im talking theres full lasagnas, barbecue meatballs, etc. It stresses her out and inevitably she calls me stressing because "YOUR FATHER HAS NO FOOD AND I NEED TO PACK WHAT DO I DOOOO" this man is 55, can entirely feed himself, lived on his own until 27. Like what are we doing?
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u/WingedSalim 3d ago edited 3d ago
It is fustrating, and it goes both ways too.
Men are assumed to be boys who cant take care of themselves. And woman are assumed to be girls who can't protect and advocate for themselves.
I know most relationships are suppose to compensate for each other's weaknesses but basic survival skills for a grown adult is not a weakness, it's a requirement.
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u/konm123 3d ago
Me and my wife have 3 kids and by default all the communication with schools and kindergarten goes through her. She constantly has to relay the information to me and even though she does not have an income, bills from the facilities land in her inbox despite me being in the contract with my billing information. Sometimes bills and other things get mismanaged because she forgot to relay the information. I attend all the parent-teacher meetings and otherwise are very acively involved in everything related to the school and kindergarten. She grows ever frustrated that she is the default contact and has multiple times urged school to reach out to me when there are issues.
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u/DeguMama 3d ago
Not going to lie, but it's first of all stressful - I've been in work before now and taken multiple calls from nursery, my son's speech therapist, etc. But also it makes my husband feel left out of the loop when I'm the automatic default contact. He is their parent too.
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u/konm123 3d ago
Yeah. I feel left out because of this and I understand what you both are going through because my wife is also stressed out because all of this responsibility being laid on her. Don't get me wrong, she is great managing smaller details but when it comes to finances, since she does not have an income it has to go through me. And some matters require just more direct response — she often freezes when she has to face a situation like that and is more than happy that I can manage these. The issues like any of the kids having behavioral issues (getting bullied) or oldest has at the moment an issue where no one talks with her at the school. She does not explicitly get bullied just any attempt to communicate with her classmates just gets quick "yes"/"no" answer and that ends the interaction.
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u/andy11123 3d ago
My old boss used to brag about his wife doing all his cooking and cleaning for him. He couldn't understand why we were genuinely pitying him.
His wife had to go away for a month and he was absolutely floundering on how to survive in the most basic of ways. Honestly embarrassed for the guy
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u/Rsingh916 3d ago
I remember making butternut squash Mac and cheese from scratch for a potluck that my wife and I attended and she got all the compliments on how good it was lmao. I hate it so much. I told my wife early on and she made a conscious effort to let people know that it was me. Still hurts though.
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u/ParkerJ99 2d ago
My aunt and uncle are reversed. If it were up to my aunt (who works from home mind you) they’d have take-out most of the week, she knows how to make like 4-5 super basic meals (usually from a box). My uncle comes home at 5:30pm, five days a week, ready to do the work of a full meal. The other two days are when my aunt orders the take out.
My aunt does bake though, she usually makes a shit-ton of cookies for Christmas.
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u/_i_read 3d ago
Disgusting they rely on their wives for everything
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u/kmosiman 3d ago
Trade offs.
I cook.
My wife almost never cooks.
I worry about meal prep for the kids when I travel.
Meanwhile I was just traveling with a coworker who admitted that he basically hasn't cooked since he got married. He works, she does the house stuff.
Now the part that gets me today is that people CANNOT seem to figure that out. My wife's grandmother will try to cook for me and the boys every time my wife is traveling for a few days. She should know that I cook by now.
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u/stormbutton 3d ago
This is how I felt when I went to help my sister her with her (2 weeks early) new baby for 10 days. My friends came out of the woodwork, assuming my husband was a barely functioning homunculus.
He was like ladies….? I truly appreciate everything you are doing but I am ALSO an entire grown man…?
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u/soneg 3d ago
People used to ask me who was watching the baby and what would they all eat when I had to travel for work. His dad had it and would figure out food. He's an adult and will adult solo for the week.
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u/kimchee-hoo 3d ago
I (male) do most of the childcare for my family; my wife is the primary income. The most common question I got while out with the kids was some variation on "oh, mom's day off?" Like... No? It's MY day off so I'm spending it with my kids???
Edited to specify that I'm the husband in our marriage
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u/Creamer_Dreamer 3d ago
I'm in the same situation, and it can get a little exhausting, mostly with people that we see fairly often who should know our dynamic by now.
A particular friend of a friend who we see regularly refuses to acknowledge that I have any part in my childrens life, so every conversation she tries to have with my wife ends in some awkward exchange because she assumes my wife does all the SAHM stuff but refuses to listen to a word I say.
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u/PJSeeds 3d ago edited 2d ago
Oh man do I relate to this. My son just turned a month old. At the hospital after he was born my wife was in rough shape because of her unexpected c section. I changed every diaper, helped my wife try to breastfeed every two hours around the clock and when that failed bottle fed him, and at one point was awake for 48 hours.
Every single postpartum nurse and midwife talked to me like they assumed I was a completely useless moron and also a total sack of shit.
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u/momomaximum 3d ago
We have Gay Misogyny? Am i reading this correctly?
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u/mybrainisclopen 3d ago
I think the last bit is all from the husband’s perspective if that’s what you’re wondering about
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u/Cynis_Ganan 3d ago
Nah.
As a man, I'm happy folks underestimating me if it means my kid gets ten cakes.
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u/Rude-Orange 3d ago
Under promise, over deliver. Gets smiles every time.
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u/alex3omg 3d ago
For my daughter's first birthday we had a party at my in-law's place. I told them I was making a cake. My mil, who had never baked, was incredulous. She kept asking questions about if it would be enough for everybody, if it would be ok etc. I made cupcakes too so there was no doubt in my mind that it would be enough, and it was just a cake!
She had her sister pick up a sheet cake with some excuse about a nephew's 17th birthday being around the same time. I was livid but ignored it. The cake was amazing and everybody enjoyed it, especially the baby.
The next year we had a little get together and I asked mil and her sister if they were going to see that nephew afterwards as they lived nearby. They were confused. I said, isn't it his birthday? He's 18. I thought you'd want to see him. They acted like I was crazy, like why would they go out of their way to see a distant relative they rarely think about kind of energy. 🤔
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u/Dark_Shroud 2d ago
You didn't take it far enough with the nephew comment. Isn't it his birthday? He might need a cake.
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u/Muse9901 3d ago
I have joint custody of my toddler son and on a few occasions when I’m out with him old women would come up to say hi, he’d get shy, hug and nuzzle me point at me and say “papa” like “speak to him please” and they’d say,”Aww he loves his papa so much, but I bet he can’t WAIT to get back to his mama.”
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u/demon_fae 2d ago
That is so far beyond despicable. What the actual fuck is their damage to say something like that to your face in front of kiddo?
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u/danielledelacadie 3d ago
It says nothing about her husband.
The husbands of the cake ladies though..... anyone's guess which women are misandrists and which have men who lowered their expectations of partner behaviour. In short, it's wrong but neither OOP or her husband are the issue.
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u/LadyFruitDoll 2d ago
In fact, the only issue for them is ten cakes, but I'm sure they can handle it.
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u/Azair_Blaidd 3d ago edited 3d ago
I believe it was nine women assumed so, while the husband actually did get a cake
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u/BlacPlague 3d ago
Yeah I mean on one hand it is pretty shitty but on the other that's a lot of free cake to help drown the pain. If only all sexist double standards came with a bunch of free cake
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u/raverbashing 3d ago
Women are telling on themselves it seems
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u/HyenaThen572 3d ago
Lots of them in this thread are excusing the behavior under the guise of getting extra cake.
Double whammy.
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u/Disastrous-Ocelot12 3d ago
I feel like this actually says more about those women/their partners if they think a man can’t handle planning a party.
Like a lot of men, my husband is very independent and capable, but sometimes when I mention something about that to another woman (“my husband cooked this, did my laundry, planned our vacation,” etc.), if they’re surprised it’s almost always because their partner relies on them to do EVERYTHING.
A lot of women are unsurprised that my husband does things because the men in their lives also do things. None of my friends would worry if my husband planned something 🤷🏻♀️
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u/No-Introduction3808 2d ago
Hopefully it was just 9 women who assumed other husband dropped the ball on the cake.
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u/evilwizzardofcoding 3d ago
YK, as funny as this is, when you think about it for more than 5 seconds it implies some not so pleasant things.
Everyone assumed the husband wouldn't think of something like that, that's pretty disrespectful and sexist.
Instead of just asking the guy if they should bring cake, they decided to just charge ahead with no information beyond "there might not be cake", treating him like he can't handle a basic conversation and logistics.
Deciding that cake was a requirement, ignoring the fact that maybe, perhaps, he had other intentions for desert.
So, by this story, it seems to depict this family's friends as: Sexist, unable or unwilling to communicate properly about plans, and think they know better than the person in charge.
Not a great picture TBH.
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u/rolledbeeftaco 3d ago
This is how women contribute to weaponized incompetence. If you treat him like he’s stupid and do everything for him, eventually he might just start pretending to be stupid so you’ll do everything for him.
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u/HyenaThen572 3d ago
Not too stupid.
Smart enough to realize there's no point if you're just going to be told you fucked it as it gets redone anyways.
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u/Hetakuoni 3d ago
I stopped folding my mom’s laundry as a teenager because she hated how I folded laundry and swept and did dishes and vacuumed and lost her shit in epic screaming meltdowns about things not looking better homes and gardens perfect.
An aside: she wonders how my sister and I are autistic. Im pretty sure there’s a huge genetic component. I haven’t been diagnosed but literally every healthcare provider I’ve ever worked with and all my actually diagnosed friends has had one conversation with me and gone “maybe you should get checked out”
I still fold how I like and keep my apartment how I like. She still freaks out every time she comes over but it’s not as bad as when I was a child and teenager.
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u/pubblue5294 3d ago
One of my favorite jokes to make is " the way I know im on the spectrum is every person ive met who has a diagnoses assumes I am. After a certain point it wpuld just feel rude to argue : :)
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u/quaketoys 3d ago
An endocrinologist I used to go to years ago, who was VERY methodical, was going over all my rather complicated medical “stuff” with me while I asked quest and took notes suddenly said, “You DO know you’re on the spectrum, right?”
And I “helpfully” instantly replied, “You too!”
And then we just stared at each other for a while….
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u/smol-alaskanbullworm 3d ago
im a big tall guy with rbf and think i might be somewhat autistic. i once had some obviously autistic kid around 15yo run across the store and hug me out of nowhere. warmed my heart but also makes me wonder if it was like what you said and he sensed my own autism halfway across the bestbuy.
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u/Hetakuoni 3d ago
People have been assuming/asking if I’m autistic since I was 15. The assumption is now old enough to drink in the United States.
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u/weltvonalex 3d ago
Its the classic "attach some emotions and Moral aspects" to a task. My way is the only right way and of you do it differently you are wrong. Those people are toxic
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u/Hetakuoni 3d ago
My sister and I are pretty sure it’s unresolved trauma from being left in a trash heap as a toddler, but we can’t force her to go to therapy.
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u/Invdr_skoodge 3d ago
I’ve seen that one. I’ve also seen people fill their time with chores that don’t have to be done nearly as much as they’re being done.
Doing laundry any time there’s enough to run a load, collecting once used towels and stripping beds with nearly new sheets to bulk out the volume. Running the dryer with extra time to make sure it’s all bone dry. Running a half full dishwasher, emptying it with nothing to go back in. Cutting the grass every four days because you water and fertilize heavily so it grows thick and fast.
Then comes the complaining about not getting any help on these manufactured chores.
Avoid type A people with no hobbies. They will seek out and create the stress they expect to find in the world, and there is no rest.
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u/evilwizzardofcoding 3d ago
This. That's what the 3rd one was about, they didn't even consider there might have been another choice that wasn't wrong other than the one they came up with.
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u/sohcgt96 3d ago
Or just be like what's the point, you're not going let me do it without butting in anyway, so why am I even trying. Its not always weaponized incompetence, sometimes its someone who won't give up control and never stops criticizing so the other partner stops trying.
My wife and I are honestly... kind of both like this, but we know it, so there are just certain things she does and certain things I do because we're both too particular about them to let the other one do it. But that's OK. Our system works.
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u/Automatic-Week-1733 3d ago
Before we got married my wife talked about how she read some article or something about how [many] women will conflate "her way" with "the right way" and get upset when their husbands don't do things their way and they'll start insisting on doing things themselves and accusing their husband of "weaponized incompetence" and they feel overworked and isolated.
I said, "well, it sounds like it's a good thing you're learning this now, so you can avoid doing that to yourself."
I'm sure I don't have to deliver the punchline to this story.
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u/weltvonalex 3d ago
You realized everything you do was wrong? :)) I cannot imagine her falling for the same thing.
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u/terminbee 3d ago
My mom is like that. It not only has to be done but has to be done a certain way. I've lived on my own for almost a decade but when I go home, she still insists the way I use the dishrack won't let the dishes dry. Yea, my dishes are just always wet, I guess.
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u/Quiet_Education5918 3d ago
In defense of various friends... how much do we trust that the author wasn't the one spreading that expectation themselves?
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u/evilwizzardofcoding 3d ago
Oh, absolutely, the story could be a complete and total fabrication, or at least a manipulation of the truth, but as a random story on the internet, I have no reason to verify one way or the other, and as it's more interesting true, I have chosen to treat it as such. If i actually knew the person, I'd care more about it's veracity.
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u/Quiet_Education5918 3d ago
I mean less lying and more "Yeah, my husband's doing it all. I'd be surprised if he even remembers the cake." followed by "Oh wow so many cakes I wonder why, probably their own fault."
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u/kingftheeyesores 3d ago
Even if he did forget dessert, having one parent pop out to the grocery store for a pre-made cake won't ruin the party unless you let it.
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u/facelesshivemind 3d ago
Cake is the bare essential. It's the first thing people think of when thinking "birthday".
To think that they'd assume he'd forget step 1 😂
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u/A_Guy_Oz 3d ago
He is a stupid man after all /s
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u/FeijoaCowboy 3d ago
As a stupid man, I can vouch for my fellow stupid men and say it may not have. That said, we reject the insinuation that this man is among our ranks.
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u/wrecktus_abdominus 3d ago
Meanwhile, I had a fairly significant milestone birthday recently and my wife didn't make a cake, so I waited a couple days and still nothing. So I bought one from the store days later. Then she got made a me for "making her look bad."
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u/Azair_Blaidd 3d ago
I have known two people who preferred pumpkin pie over cake on their birthdays, though. My older brother and a current coworker.
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u/issacoin 3d ago
you dont know me, but i too am among the pie preferrers. more of a blueberry or apple guy though.
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u/danielledelacadie 3d ago
It isn't but for OOP, she has a great man and cake. It's a win for her.
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u/vernichtungX23 3d ago
Yeah, they're treating him like he's too stupid to know what a cake is. WTF.
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u/the-thot-thickens420 3d ago
Thanks for this. Women think we’re fucking retarded. Yet if a guy posted this, he’d be fucking fired, cancelled and called a sexist pig.
- a man
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u/WrencherLady84 3d ago
This is the equivalent of a man panicking after finding out that I, a woman, changed his oil.
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u/IrishtrashPeter 3d ago
I know a lot more women (and men) that can't change the oil in a car than I know men who can't take care of their progeny properly.
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u/PM_YOUR__BUBBLE_BUTT 3d ago
I’m the dad and I have planned each of my daughter’s birthday parties soup to nuts, alone. My wife tries to help and I love her for that. But I’m just the visionary and enjoy doing it for my daughter. The custom cake and desserts, pizzas, all the drinks and plenty of side dishes, getting stuff that works around all the friends’ allergies, a boat load of decorations, party favors, renting out an entire facility with activities for all the kiddos to do, etc. Usually about 100 people total (I have a gigantic Italian family)… I design all my own invites and thank you cards and labels myself in Illustrator too.
It’s a blast. Party day is a zoo but my daughter has had the time of her life each time. Next one is in 2.5 months. I’m ready but just want it to get here. We’ve done Winter Onederland, Bluey, Sesame Street and this time is Princesses. I think my wife enjoys them as well cause I do all the setup and coordinating too. She just gets to show up a little before party time and enjoy it all. If someone brought 10 cakes to my party, I’d probably tell them I already had 10 I bought too. My wife’s better at other things too but we balance out. And that’s how it should be.
I grew up extremely poor and now I’m very fortunate so I want to give my daughter parties she’ll remember. I used to do a birthday at home with a cake and we did the one party with 6 of our birthdays celebrated in the one party. And that’s great because it was still fun and I’m thankful! But now’s my chance to do it my way and neither way is wrong. It’s just meant to be fun! :)
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u/AlphaBetaSigmaNerd 3d ago
My ex tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid one time. She put it in the coolant tank
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u/WrencherLady84 3d ago
Reminds me of a gentleman who came into our shop for an emergency coolant flush because some dude put 12oz of power steering fluid in his coolant reservoir. It was electric power steering.
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u/JustLookingForMayhem 3d ago
Just because some are incompetent, doesn't mean they all are. I am decently sure my sister knows more about tractors than the average man for example, but I would never trust a random person to do maintenence on a tractor. By the same logic, any qualified mechanic is a qualified mechanic.
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u/StraightWar 3d ago
Cut to the dad looking at the party thinking, “What was so hard about planning a party?”
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u/Vivid_Sky_5082 3d ago
My son has, of course, been to several parties planned by dads, and the only thing that went wrong at one of them was the dad had written "no gifts" on the invitations, assumed none of the children would bring gifts, and then his family biked to the party place.
Hahahaha. My son brought a present he had been meaning to give his friend (they both liked the same series of books and a new one had come out) and his was the smallest gift.
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u/theflush1980 3d ago
My husband and I are both men…. How can we ever get anything organised?!
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u/brydeswhale 3d ago
If homophobia has taught me anything, it’s that the shorter dude gets the day planner, taller dude gets the footballs.
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u/No-Butterscotch-6555 2d ago
I don’t think it’s gonna work out in your favor. Women are definitely more prone to believe that gay men are more organized and better at throwing parties than straight men. No one will be showing up with cake, unfortunately. Expectations will be high.
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u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe 2d ago
I know what you're trying to do...
... You just want people to bring you cake!
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u/theflush1980 2d ago
I’m stil waiting….
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u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe 2d ago
Your problem is you married a man, we are genetically incapable of getting cake. It's why we marry women, for the cake.
Have you ever noticed that gay married men tend to be in shape, but straight married men get "Dad bods"? It's all the cake!
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u/BleedSparta 2d ago
Quick!
Someone pretend to have natural intuition, and if anything goes wrong, say I’m just a boy
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u/Not_Propaganda_AI 2d ago
You know some people will just assume whichever one of you they think is the most feminine is the honorary woman of the marriage and therefore organizes everything.
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u/Bakery-Chick 3d ago
As a woman who has run my family’s bakery for the past almost 20 years, i have had so many people come in very last minute stressed out begging for a cake. Almost all of them have been women, and they always admit that somehow they forgot the cake around everything else.
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u/HotSolid4335 3d ago
Probably because women are usually the ones that are in charge of organising the cake
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u/Zero_Burn 3d ago
Because when women care for kids it's motherly, but when a man takes care of kids it's 'babysitting' or 'reason to call 911'.
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u/AnyOldNameNotTaken 3d ago
If someone showed up to my kids birthday party with a cake because they thought I was incompetent I’d actually be furious.
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u/Bolaf 2d ago
My mom brought coffee once when I had her over for dinner, becuase she wasn't sure that I had it. It was a 50/50 split on being offended and being confused
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u/Not_Propaganda_AI 2d ago
Yep, I don't even drink hot drinks and I have tea and coffee in the house for guests. What a weird assumption.
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u/kavihasya 3d ago
If I was that worried there wouldn’t be cake, I might show up right at the beginning and discretely check about the cake situation with a plan to go run and get one from a grocery store if there wasn’t one for some reason. Or if that’s not possible, have one ready to go at home.
I can’t imagine bringing a cake in to a birthday party hosted by someone else. Any sane person would think you were nuts.
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u/iwatchcredits 3d ago
And do you think it happened 10 times at 1 party? The post is definitely fake
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u/No-Spinach-6462 3d ago
Yeah, I feel like this must be fake. Bringing a cake to a birthday party unprompted is so odd, No way all 10 women did that
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u/Crazy_Ad_91 3d ago
“Oh are you the babysitter today?”-older women, usually
“No, I’m the mother fucking (heh) father of these here chillrun. I can parent too.”
Seriously though, I get these comments more often than I’d like to admit simply for being a present and involved father.
Irritates my wife with the “oh you’re so lucky to have such a good father for a husband” type of comments.
And I see why. No one ever comments to me how great of a mother my wife is, and she absolutely is. So I get the frustration on her side.
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u/TakedownCHAMP97 3d ago
Haven’t gotten that one too much, but what I have had a hard time with was getting places to use me as the primary contact for things regarding my son. My wife is not very organized and can’t drive, so I’m the one who handles a lot of his stuff, but because I’m a man they won’t even ask for my contact info, much less use it as the primary.
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u/Creamer_Dreamer 3d ago
This exact thing drives me and my wife crazy. 9/10 times she can't respond to a call at work, but they never even ring me.
Had a place go even further and actually reach out through my wifes business email to ask for her personal contact info, despite them having me on file as the only point of contact.
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u/-Sa-Kage- 2d ago
Still better than getting the cops called on you, because a man around children can only be a pedophile, right?
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u/MrFunktasticc 3d ago
I planned a Halloween party for 5 families from my older kids 1st grade class. I hand made decorations, put together a Halloween themed magic show and was the one reaching out and coordinating all the invites. Some of the parents got my messages and responded to my wife. Not in a group chat, to my wife. At the end one of the parents made at toast to my wife for putting it together. Thankfully she has a sense of humor and kept asking why the fuck they are bothering her.
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u/No_Squash_6551 3d ago
I have worked in all manner of kitchens from baking to short order to catering to buffets. Even outside of work it is a deep passion for me. When somebody wants a dozen sugar cookies they ask a woman in my family to bake. The women bake the birthday cakes, Christmas dinner, thanksgiving, etc. I don't think I'll ever escape the sexism around it all.
When somebody in my family has had surgery, it's a compliment and a sign of care if an older woman brings them home cooking. But they do not want food or treats from me because it is a shameful thing and they consider it like me acting like their dad or something.
My family is super super super leftwing, like actual pro-communist, organizing the drag night at the library people, and I'm the odd duck for being conservative lol. So it's been surprising to see that these people who are all in support of breaking gender norms.... well, I've kinda come to terms with their misandry, they will never change and I'm okay with that.
Same with my lace knitting. I do it for me. Can I go to a knitting meetup without breaking the law? Obviously. Am I breaking the sacred salt circle and disrupting a historical woman's gossiping space, stopping them from talking about their home lives? Also yeah. When I was a young boy I really enjoyed the knitting group- when I became a man I had to leave, even though I've kept knitting and really enjoy the technical aspects.
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u/seramasumi 3d ago
Left or right both sides got shitty people and compassionate people. Best to go with that as a compass than some political parties in my experience. Sorry youve dealt with that, strong for being the better person about it and moving on.
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u/GuyBitchie 2d ago
Yea no, you can't just claim right people are compassionate, that cancels out by definition.
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u/icchantika_of_mara 3d ago
goddamn commies refusing to acknowledge the inherent masculinity of knitting. they claim to be dialectical materialists, yet they absolutely refuse to engage with the contradictions between the societal pressure to be manly and the inherent anthropocentric desire for whimsy
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u/Dark_Shroud 2d ago
If you can knit branded steel wire like yarn, you could make a killing in the Renaissance Fairs and various HEMA circles.
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u/Equivalensea 3d ago
The knitting part tracks (I'm sorry), but the baking part is so hard for me to wrap my head around. My dad has had a signature cookie my whole life. People are always excited that he's bringing the cookies.
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u/words-have-power 2d ago
Yes, it is sad that nine women assumed a man would be incapable of getting a cake. But to someone who experienced child abuse and neglect, you know what is pretty damn wonderful to read? That this particular child has at least 10 people who love them enough to make sure they absolutely definitely had a birthday cake.
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u/Financial-Dot-4673 3d ago
I’m ngl, as much as what everyone’s pointing out is true, I myself forget really obvious shit and feel like I’d be that dad that forgot the cake of all things.
Case in point, I forgot to actually plan for walking from the car to the gate when I was taking my gf to meet my family across country. We almost missed our flight. I planned everything else out to a T and forgot such a simple thing
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u/muser666 3d ago
Like where did you park? 10 miles away?
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u/Financial-Dot-4673 3d ago
I live in a very metropolitan area with a large international airport, and unfortunately I unwittingly chose a weekend that was spring break for a lot of people. Where we were able to park required a shuttle just to get to the airport, and when we got to the airport we then had to run all the way from entrance to baggage check to TSA to the gate. When we got there they were just about done with the last boarding group (we were supposed to be the second boarding group)
My gf was pissed but calm, which honestly stressed me out cause she was clearly upset but acting like she wasn’t and trying to console me because I was stressing tf out. I thought I’d planned enough time for us to get to the gate and I just hadn’t
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u/MelKokoNYC 3d ago
This reminds me of my dear friend from college who is no longer with us... When she flew to my wedding, she brought her mom's wedding gown in her suitcase. She knew how crazy and broke I was in college and thought I wouldn't have a wedding gown to wear at my wedding.
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u/GreatPotatoMuffin 2d ago
I’m sure this never happened.
But also, what the hell?
Planning a kids birthday party is not some mystical ancient ritual that only women can do.
I’m a Director in an ERP implementation consultancy. We plan and run multi million dollar IT implementation projects that span several years. I think I can just about manage to order a freaking bouncy castle and a birthday cake.
This sort of stereotyping by women is enabling the weaponized incompetence from the lazy and uninvolved dads.
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u/Xylus1985 2d ago
That’s… honestly a lot of money spent for a birthday party where the kid is too young to remember any of these things
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u/chmath80 3d ago
Any of these women named Marie Antoinette, by any chance?
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u/Commando_67 3d ago
Marie Antoinette didn't provide cake. She just said to eat it and figure out local distrubuters yourselves.
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u/CaeruleumBleu 3d ago
I would like to point out that there are a couple of things the women could have assumed, that would not have meant they thought the man was completely incompetent.
They might have been thinking that it is very hard to get the math right on how much cake you need for how many kids and how many adults.
They might have also thought he could be doing the math based on how the bakery says X size cake serves Y people, but then not quite do the cuts right and run out of cake. Very easy when you have adults and some are asking for more and some are asking for less, to just not quite get the average cake slice size right. With things like face painting and a bouncy castle, not everyone is gonna eat cake at the same time and the kids might tantrum if they miss cake.
But above all else - presuming the man did actually get a reasonable amount of cake - the women will have learned a lesson about assuming shit, and no harm done.
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u/Ok-Alps4101 3d ago
My personal experience from various kid birthday parties is that there is always too much cake because the hosts (myself included) usually overestimate how much cake will attendees want to eat.
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u/Magenta_Logistic 3d ago
All these alternate explanations still sound like assuming the man is completely incompetent.
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u/-Sa-Kage- 2d ago
Yeah, this is like "They did not assume he was useless, just almost fully useless. That is something completely different!"
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u/Freshies00 3d ago
You just put way too much thought and effort into excusing this fake post about very odd and sexist behavior.
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u/No_Problem5759 3d ago
I've seen similar behavior, I think this is fake, but the actual subject sadly isn't. A lot of women assume men are incompetent caretakers
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u/DrSarahSlaughter 2d ago
I mean, I think the point is that they wouldn't have thought all those things if a woman was organising the party.
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u/furthemor 3d ago
I feel ik the answer but do women really have that little faith in men's parenting abilities?
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u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe 2d ago
This story smells like bullshit. There is bias with women thinking men can't do any child raising activities.
Once my wife and I forgot to get my son's favorite baby food, so I ran back to the store to get it. Now if you've never done it, the baby food is a giant wall of tiny jars that all look nearly identical.
So I'm on the aisle scanning for the specific jar, when some lady walks up and says something like "it's ok, you can call your wife for help." Not only am I exhausted (babies hate sleep), I'm confused by this stranger talking to me, so I just stared at her. She started to explain that "dads are too proud to call the mother, but it's fine."
I told her to "fuck off out of my business. I know how to raise my child. I'm looking for the specific jar he likes the best."
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u/TheSecretSecretSanta 3d ago
Many women are socialized to not expect much from the men around them. That’s why when they make jokes about having to train their incompetent husbands they think it’s normal, and that being with a useless man is just the price you pay for wanting to start a family. And of course, many men are socialized to be those useless men and be all ‘well how could I possibly figure out something that you didn’t tell me’. So the cycle continues. Sad all around.
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