r/Purdue • u/StreetMaster243 • Mar 20 '26
Question❓ My TA liked me on hinge??
I (21F) have this graduate TA (~24/25M) that helps out with one of my classes that's around like 50 students in total, and I just opened my hinge to find out he liked my profile 🧍♀️
At first, I wondered if he even recognized me, but this class isn't incredibly big and I sit in front (aka, I know for a fact he can see me). AND the kicker that I almost somehow forgot in writing this is that he actually was my TA last semester for an 8 person lab where he had to see me like every week and we talked one on one several times. I keep telling myself he has a lot of students and just didn't recognize me, but I feel like it'd be super difficult for him not to.
I just feel kinda awkward bc while he's a nice guy, is it not strange for a TA to pursue one of his students? Like now I'm not sure if it's more awkward if I ignore his like on my profile and never speak of it with him, or if (god forbid) I matched with him and then have to see him in class??? Idk now I just feel lowkey weird and don't know what to do 😭
Edit: ok some additional context lol. He did send a message with his like complimenting a specific part of my profile on hinge, which makes me think it wasn't just the "serial liking" some ppl are referring to (tho ofc I don't know fs lol). I'm still thinking about what exactly to do, but I'm def not gonna match with him. He's not my type in the first place, and the only reason I included the possibility of matching with him was bc I wasn't sure if that'd be less awkward than ignoring him (obvi it wouldn't—temporary lapse in judgement on my part, forgive me LOL).
I'm leaning on the side of just ignoring it as of now, even tho I understand everyone telling me to report it. I havent seen him in a while bc of break, so I kinda just wanna see how things are once we get back. However, I did record/ss the message on hinge so I have the proper evidence if I choose to report it if I suspect he's acting strangely/my grades are affected. At most, I'm just worried about it being awkward to ask him questions/sit in front of him during lectures now. I might just start sitting in back or smth tho idk. Regardless, thank you to everyone who's given me advice thus far!!!!!! <3
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u/Lost_Database9324 Mar 20 '26
If this was me, I’d pretend it never happened / I never saw it. He would get the hint (if you don’t want to pursue him). If you do want to pursue him, I would wait until he’s no longer your TA. Imagine yall don’t work out and he starts grading you unfairly 😭
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u/GapStock9843 Mar 20 '26
Im pretty sure thats against university policy (you cant be in a relationship with an “academic superior”) but ig go for it after the class ends if you want to. I doubt they’d really enforce that unless its a big deal
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Mar 20 '26
[deleted]
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u/Pie_Alarming Mar 21 '26
And it won’t ruin their life it’s a first time thing. It will be a teachable moment. And if it’s not a first time thing, it’s a very necessary thing.
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u/ytgy Mar 20 '26
If you don't match with him back or ignore his message, you can get away with pretending you didn't see it at all. I wouldn't be surprised if most girls have dozens of people sending them likes.
Actual question, do you like him enough to go on a date with him and consider him seriously? If yes, I can guide you here in the comments on how to proceed. I was a TA a few years back and heard other TAs tell me about how they only dated a student after final grades went out. I became friends with one of my students (22 year PhD student, 19 year old Eng student) and he told me over a league of legends game that he asked out his TA (senior undergrad) for another class. They are married now, 7 years later.
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u/Luigisno1 Mar 20 '26
The thing is TAs are told NOT to approach students to the point one of my TAs told me that if I was to show up at the restaurant/bar that they like frequenting; they'd have to leave. I wouldn't let this slide because if they're doing this, who is to say they haven't done something like this before. This is a breach of conduct.
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26
Is liking someone's dating profile on an app that everyone and their mother can (and some do) scroll through while flippantly liking everything under the sun really held to the same burden of intent as approaching somebody?
Maybe I'm slow but, like, have you ever seen how fast a dude swipes tinder?
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u/Luigisno1 Mar 20 '26
And that's the problem, it's stupid to swipe that way because news flash you'd go on more dates if you actually filtered before swiping yes on everyone. By casting the widest net you've oversaturated from the female perspective and created the issue all mem complain about.
But getting back to it, yes it is an issue because what's the main point of the app, it's not to make friends, it's not to just meet and talk to people. It's to go on dates or hookups. Which is again the issue of power dynamics a TA holds over their students.
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26
I'm not arguing for or against mass swiping as it relates to whatever sense of morality you choose to project or app utility based on someone's sex.
I don't believe what you call a "breach of conduct" is actually the case. Acknowledging that behavior is possible on the TA's behalf and giving them the grace that is the presumption of simply being a well-intended human being like you or I means that maybe he just happened to like OP's profile. There's no reason to anticipate ill intent here... OP herself didn't mention anything that resembles selective treatment or untoward action in person.
Now, should that come to pass, by all means, file that complaint because yes, unethical conduct has transpired. That is not the case, an at best, a complaint now would be more likely to sour this man against women on dating apps, maybe even in his classes, than it would be to head off a potential predator. We don't have enough facts to do more than fear the latter, why act in a manner that confirms unsubstantiated fear?
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u/Luigisno1 Mar 20 '26
But here is the deal, you did argue for mass swiping by saying "have you ever seen how fast a dude swipes tinder?"
In my mind as a TA you are held to the higher standard of you SHOULD be filtering who you swipe yes to and by swiping yes to a current student you do open the door to further scrutiny of have you been misusing your position of power. By all means once the class is over that power dynamic ceases, but that's not here yet.
As for if the TA is soured by dating apps and whatnot it is not our issue or concern to begin with. The world already protects men to a higher level so that's not really our problem here.
I've stated my case and went into detail further, I'm not going to argue farther with you, feel free to defend your side once more but I'm not spending my day debating this. Ta-ta
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26
I actually didn't argue for mass swiping, I argued that it would be unfair to formulate an opinion about this unknown TA while precluding the possibility that he engages in that behavior. I do feel that your opinion of that behavior may indicate a bias in your perspective, but I don't claim to be aware of all of mine.
That said, I do believe we're closer to the same page than I thought originally. An investigation as to a potential breach of ethics is not the same thing as a de facto breach, which is really all I saught acknowledged.
You seem to be of the opinion I'm attacking you, which explains your dismissive stance. Unfortunate but that's okay, I'll return it with an equally infantilizing yes, defending your opinion on an anonymous public forum is hard. The good news for you is that you don't have to do it ;) Ta-ta
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u/Purple_Girl_13 Mar 20 '26
While the particulars of the OP’s situation indicate the TA knows what he is doing, that wouldn’t work as a blanket policy. Many classes are simply too large, some are asynch, to exect or assume a TA recognizes a student on an app.
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u/oildupthug Mar 20 '26
“It’s to go on dates or hookups. Which is the issue of power dynamics a TA holds over their students”
You’re ignoring the part where OP is a grown adult who consented to being matched with people to possibly go on dates with BY BEING ON A DATING APP
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u/longinuslucas 2019 BSME 2021 MSME Mar 20 '26
I was a TA and we teach many sections. I couldn’t recognize most of my students unless they ask me a lot of questions. There’s a good chance he doesn’t recognize you
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell PhD Student/Teaching Assistant Mar 20 '26
You need to report this to the instructor of record. I'm a TA and I can say that the university makes it unambiguously clear that this is a complete no-no.
Take screenshots to prove that he liked you and email it to the IOR with a message that the TA did this. This proves that this is the extent of the one-sided interaction on Hinge and it will protect you while creating a paper trail. This will keep everything above board and accountable.
He can claim he didn't realize it was you (even if he did) and save face. This won't be ruining his career or anything like that; he'll just no longer be able to grade your work.
However, if he really is a creep and if this is a pattern of behavior for him, having this documented creates the first data point to show the TA regularly does stuff like this if a student reports him again in the future.
It's better to be straight-forward with the IOR and the university to protect your own grades and to prevent a power imbalance in the classroom. Best and most-likely case scenario, it'll be uncomfortable, he'll be embarrassed, and everyone can laugh it off and move on with the semester.
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u/abeagler Mar 21 '26
Agreed with this. Speaking as a professor: I'd want to know about this. It's not the student's responsibility to protect the TA from consequences for stupid choices, it's the responsibility of the TA to not make bad choices in the first place. The TA is an adult, and is an employee, and this is inappropriate.
In all likelihood I'd expect this to end with an awkward conversation between the prof and the TA, and maybe some minor reassigning of responsibilities if the TA has any grading duties that would include the student. Again, that's for the prof and the TA to deal with, it absolutely should not be a burden on the student. The fact that the student is thinking about it enough to post here is evidence to me that the student should report.
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u/Tasty_Phase9168 Mar 20 '26
Is this particular TA a ginger man
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u/classywoodsie123 Mar 20 '26
This is a major violation. Don't match with them, if they ever bring it up then laugh it off saying you don't use hinge or are not that active etc. This is serious if caught and action can be taken against the TA if exposed.
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u/Human-Discussion1234 Mar 20 '26
The point is that he made you uncomfortable. Period. This is the point to focus on. Him crossing boundaries and violating ethical standards is his doing. I would report it. There’s been too many times I didn’t speak up soon enough, the situation escalated, and people looked at me like I should have reported it sooner rather than trying to blow it off, or minimize it on my own.
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u/TheRealAngryEmu Mar 20 '26
I swipe right on anyone I know just because I know them.
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u/throwaway-OO7 Boilermaker Mar 20 '26
genuinely curious as to why? I feel like it sends the wrong impression ~ that you like them in that way. I also feel like in this case, as a TA, they are told to specifically not pursue students they teach, so even if they know them, it's wrong to like them on an app used for dating.
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26
Do you struggle with social anxiety?
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u/throwaway-OO7 Boilermaker Mar 20 '26
sometimes but what does my comment have to do with social anxiety? liking someone on a dating app could make it seem like you like them in a non-friend way
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26
Social anxiety inhibits you from doing things that could cause a delightful social circumstance for fear of it actually causing a negative one. Do you fear what would happen if someone you're friends with thought you had a crush on them? Do you fear finding out they have one on you?
Matching between pre-existing friends makes for a cute little game between potential future lovers if you both play it right and are both interested. I'd recommend starting with jokes and teasing just in case - interpersonal tension is a big part of what makes love such a wonderful thing and you'd be remiss to deprive yourself of it in any capacity.
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u/throwaway-OO7 Boilermaker Mar 20 '26
I think you misunderstood what I was trying to say. The person I responded to said they would match with someone they know, just because they know them. They did not say because they like them which is why I questioned it. I would match with friends but people I just know and am not interested in, I would not match with. I agree that friendships can flourish into something more, I'm not arguing that. I'm just confused as to why you would match with someone you know who is not your friend if you had no interest in them. I feel like that sends the wrong message
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u/Parking_Salamander67 Mar 21 '26
If you go to the professor, they'll essentially have the discretion to handle it as severely as they want to, which could mean that the TA gets into some sort of trouble or nothing happens at all. He may very well not be a creep, and he may not be that much older than you, and liking your Hinge profile isn't illegal or something that will get him expelled - BUT this is definitely across the line that instructors are supposed to respect. The rules and norms against this kind of thing are there to protect the educational environment as a safe place for students to learn and feel comfortable. Instructors have power over students. If boundaries are blurry, it compromises the dynamic and makes the educational environment less safe and less about your learning and more about what your instructor wants, which is not supposed to be the case. I'm not saying he's a bad person, but the rules and expectations about these things are supposed to be taken seriously. It's the kind of thing I guarantee he wouldn't tell his peers or colleagues about. And for good reason. Highly suggest not engaging with him in that way. Going to your professor will definitely create some weird conversations for you and for him, but would also encourage you to think about talking to them or the Title IX office or even your advisor if you feel more comfortable. Whatever you choose, be safe and look out for yourself. If he gets in trouble, it's not because you said something -- it's because he crossed a line.
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u/Fickle_Vegetable6125 Boilermaker Mar 21 '26
Ugh I wish my physics TA liked me on Tinder. I see him outside of class in progressive organizing and whatever and like 👀 Just kidding. Mostly.
FYI, yeah, you shouldn't reply lol. Unfortunately for me, they're not allowed to do this
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u/shubhankar9 Mar 21 '26
Yeeaah, dont match with him WHILE he is your TA for sure.
If you like him back, maybe wait it out till the end of semester when they are no longer your TA and like grades are alloted?
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u/SuperstarRockYou Mar 22 '26
Dating with students during semester class session can be trouble for TAs based on university policy if he get caught later. TAs should not take that risk. But as other comments mentioned, after class is over, he maybe can consider dating with students.
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Mar 22 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/yjGdFXbm8KpXF5Xqco
Real talk tho as a guy myself, if he likes you he definitely knows what he did and who you are
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u/jth802 Mar 20 '26
Men know the power that they have, and if he genuinely isn’t aware then he needs to be informed for future coworkers and people that report to him. If you think it’s just by chance then fine but it still needs to be relayed. What if he gets pissed because you don’t swipe on him. Bumping into a girl in a bar and offering her a drink is one thing. Passively watching to see their response on an app is another. Reporting I via email won’t end his career and if it did then it did so for good reason.
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u/Thisisnutsyaknow Mar 20 '26
Well, I know someone who as a freshman dated their TA in 1977. Married in 1978. Still married today.
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u/AccurateInterview586 Mar 22 '26
Reporting this would be wildly disproportionate. Nothing described here rises anywhere close to misconduct.
Putting yourself on a dating app means you will occasionally encounter people from your real life. That is literally how location-based dating apps work. If you don’t want classmates, coworkers, TAs, neighbors, or random people from campus to see you, the only reliable solution is not to use the apps.
A TA pressing “like” on a public dating profile is not harassment, coercion, or an abuse of power. It is a single, private signal inside a platform designed for exactly that purpose. He didn’t message you through school channels, he didn’t approach you in class, and he didn’t pressure you. The system requires mutual matching before any conversation even happens. If you’re not interested, you simply don’t match. The app is built so that rejection is silent.
The idea that this should be “reported” treats a completely normal social interaction as if it were predatory behavior. Universities reserve reporting systems for situations involving harassment, retaliation, or exploitation of authority. A TA swiping on someone’s public dating profile does not meet that threshold.
The practical options are simple:
• Don’t match and move on. • Sit wherever you want in class and act normally. • If it somehow ever became inappropriate (messages outside the app, comments in class, grading issues), then you would have a reason to escalate.
But a single like on a dating app is just… a like on a dating app. That’s the entire mechanism of the platform. Ignoring it is the normal response. Reporting it would be turning a non-event into a formal accusation for no legitimate reason.
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u/oildupthug Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
You’re a grown adult. By being on a DATING APP you consent to people possibly sending you likes to MATCH WITH YOU. INCLUDING PEOPLE YOU DO NOT LIKE. If you do not like a person you do NOT NEED TO RESPOND to them. IF YOU DONT LIKE THE IDEA OF PEOPLE POSSIBLY LIKING YOU GET OFF OF DATING APPS.
The TA has not exerted any control over you. They have no way to know if you saw the “LIKE”. They may not have recognized you. If they give you grief in person then it’s a problem and you can report it.
You said “god forbid I matched with him”. what do you mean. YOU DONT HAVE TO MATCH WITH HIM.
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u/pancake847 Mar 20 '26
TAs actually go through training that they aren't allowed to have relationships or anything like it with students that they TA for... So it's against their job terms in this current position
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u/oildupthug Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
Have you seen how quickly people swipe through hinge/tinder. I send likes that I don’t want to date all the time. I’ll send a like because I like their dog.
It hardly constitutes pursuing a relationship. It’s a swipe of a finger saying “hypothetically, if this person wanted to talk to me I wouldn’t be opposed to a having conversation with them”. They didn’t send a super like or a message or anything.
Again, you could just grow up and not like it. Or get off of dating apps if you’re going to be a walking HR landmine
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u/GRex2595 CS 2017 Mar 20 '26
Definitely something to go to the professor or University about. The guy should know better. There's probably some handbook or policy that outlines behavior like this that would make it clear that this is a violation of some policy. It's better that somebody else with the authority to do something handle it than you.
Keep in mind that when they talk to the TA, your TA may very well retaliate in some way. Be prepared to take that to the professor or university as well.
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell PhD Student/Teaching Assistant Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
I'm not sure why people are downvoting this? It's absolutely something to go to the professor about. It's absolutely a violation of policy.
If it's a one-time earnest mistake, the university will warn him and he'll be taken off of grading OP's material. However, when people let stuff like this slide, it's how creeps take root in institutions. These TAs that regularly and intentionally pursue their students while having a power imbalance are the ones that go on to abuse their power and become creep professors.
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u/GRex2595 CS 2017 Mar 20 '26
Unless I'm getting downvoted by the creeps who do this, it doesn't make any sense. You people want OP to be in an uncomfortable position where she has to deal with somebody who clearly wants something from her and has a degree of authority over her? And you don't want her to seek help from unbiased 3rd parties with the ability to properly handle this situation?
The top comment right now even says this is against policy but suggests nothing to help. So it's okay to say it's wrong but it's not okay to do something about it? People. Please seek help from the appropriate resources when somebody is doing something they shouldn't and it's making you uncomfortable.
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26
You're leaping to a very narrow conclusion based on one person's perspective of events. You don't know OP, you don't know the TA, you don't know their biased, intents, or salient interests during the event period.
I didn't downvote you but I personally am not fond of extreme conclusions drawn without asking questions.
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u/GRex2595 CS 2017 Mar 20 '26
I'm not leaping to any conclusions. The OP said it was awkward now. The correct way to handle this is to talk to the professor or the university so that they can take the appropriate steps to make sure that nobody is being taken advantage of.
This isn't a value judgement of either person's character or intentions. It's a recommendation for handling a violation of a policy that exists to prevent abuse.
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26
The phrase "creeps who do this" says a lot more about the conclusions you've drawn about this TA and the pursuant advice you've contributed than you're letting on. That phrase is a conclusion in and of itself.
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell PhD Student/Teaching Assistant Mar 20 '26
I think what's getting away from everyone is that the intentions or perspectives are moot point in regards to OP asking what she should do. This is the university's red line and the TA crossed it, knowingly (seems plausible with OP's post) or unknowingly. At a minimum, reporting this will be a short-lived embarrassment for the TA and a lesson in professionalism that will make the him less likely to recklessly swipe on undergrads on dating apps.
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
I can't say I'm familiar with the process of becoming a TA. At any point during the onboarding process is one informed that even the incidental matching with (or even simply swiping right on) the profile of a student, on a dating app that exists independently of the University, even in the light of an otherwise excellent moral character and without expression of untoward behavior, unprofessional?
This seems fairly nuanced and frankly my chuffage comes from the fact that anyone seems to think the TA deserves to be even embarrassed at all - much less labeled a creep or accused of taking advantage of a power dynamic in a way that did not evidently happen.
That said, I do understand that OP seems to be uncomfortable, which is why things like ethical standards exist. However, OP herself asked about the possibility of the consequences should she match him back, which speaks volumes to how miniscule her discomfort, which I find tantamount to dating in general, is to the potential professional embarrassment of the lowest rung on the academic ladder.
She's at least entertaining the idea of matching him back while we're discussing whether or not he deserves denunciation for his action...
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell PhD Student/Teaching Assistant Mar 20 '26 edited Mar 20 '26
Yes, they tell you not to date, have sex with, have any unprofessional relationship/contact with your students. That includes and is not limited to dating apps. In general, it's a good rule of thumb to apply that to ALL undergrads, as you never know if they're going to wind up in your class down the line. Better safe than sorry.
If you do wind up doing any of the above with a student in your class, you need to report it immediately to prevent a conflict of interest and ensure transparency and accountability. You can think about it like any other traditional workplace.
I understand feeling like it's unfair to think the TA deserves to feel embarrassed or labeled a creep. However, as a TA, he does know better. He's been briefed on it by his employer. Additionally, TAs talk about stuff like this and everybody has a story about that guy. I guarantee you he's heard enough stories from other TAs to know how gross and unbecoming this kind of behavior can appear (regardless of intention), and how everybody (rightfully or wrongfully) judges it. It's a form of peer-to-peer social policing.
It really could have been a total accident, and in that case, he should only be embarrassed in the sense that he needs to be more careful about who he's swiping on and how it comes across. If he really is of good, upstanding character, then this is simply a passing episode that his fellow TAs will occasionally rib him about only in good humor, and one that he can use as a cautionary tale for incoming TAs. In this case, reporting won't hurt him, it will only caution him and ensure OP won't be graded by him anymore.
On the other hand, if he knew who she was and did it anyway, it definitely needs to be reported because it's against the rules and he certainly knows better.
All this to say, yes, it is drilled into you during onboarding and beyond. It may seem nuanced to an outside observer, but I promise you, if he knew who she was on Hinge, he knows better.
On a side note, there are even TAs I've seen that have dated students after the class is over and final grades are in, which is technically in line with the rules. However, that doesn't mean it's not going to raise eyebrows and create poor optics with protestations of "oh no, I promise we didn't even text or date or fuck for the first time until after the class was over" even if that's true. Academia is a small place and reputations follow you beyond grad school, and I don't trust TAs that risk their reputations and CAREERS to get laid with an undergrad, even if they technically followed the rules. The consensus among the TAs I know is that once you start defending being with an undergrad that was in your class with technicalities, it's not a good look.
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u/ProtiK Mar 20 '26
Between this and your other replies you've had a great impact on my understanding of the social dynamic working in academia and I thank you for it. I'm wholly unfamiliar and came into this thread indignant at the general consensus.
Here's hoping the TA is indeed of the character I'm defending and cheers to your insight. Thank you!
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell PhD Student/Teaching Assistant Mar 20 '26
I'm glad I could help. I really am frustrated at the consensus here that seems to shrug this incident off like it's no big deal. It very well could be no big deal and an accident, but things like these need to be nipped in the bud otherwise they fester, like in any other institution or organization.
I hope the undergrads reading this thread can grasp that it's true, it may be no big deal and an accident, but it could also be early predatory behavior. Therefore, it's best to alert the professor and university and let them protect that student's academic career and make that judgement call about the TA.
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u/ButtCrumbleSmell PhD Student/Teaching Assistant Mar 20 '26
Here's the frustrating thing- coming forward with stuff like this is uncomfortable and difficult. It takes intestinal fortitude to report stuff like this, and the problem is that the burden of that should be on the TA, not OP. However, it's clear that the TA is not going to do the right thing.
Let's assume best case scenario and that it was a genuine mistake and that the TA didn't realize it was his student. When she reports it, it'll be a warning shot across the bow and remind him that he needs to be careful about what he does online and outside of the classroom. This will keep him from making the same mistake in the future and making more people uncomfortable. Additionally, he won't be able to grade her work anymore which completely negates any potential of a power imbalance in the classroom.
Doing nothing is much easier, and to be honest, if I was in OP's shoes, I would probably not do anything either and pretend it never happened. But as someone who is much closer to thirty than twenty, it becomes so much clearer how creepy and unsettling situations like this are- even if it was a genuine mistake. It's in OP's own best interest to report it, at a minimum to protect her own grade and safety, and I hope OP takes that advice.
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u/GRex2595 CS 2017 Mar 20 '26
Hard agree. If it was nothing, then nothing bad will happen. If it was something, then the problem will get taken care of. In any case OP is better off talking to somebody than ignoring it. If OP doesn't report it, it could be nothing, or it could cost OP their grade or worse. Don't risk worst case outcomes for no benefit.
Even if OP wants the relationship, they need to bring somebody else in. When there is a power imbalance, measures need to be taken so that the power imbalance can't be exploited. Tell the professor you noticed the TA liked your profile on a dating app and you would like to pursue the relationship. At the very least, they will set professional boundaries that allow you to continue to take the lab without special treatment and the TA is less likely to get into real trouble. Then when the course is over you have your fun with the TA. If you don't get the professor involved, then the consequences for the TA can be much more severe if they find out later.
I know it's the whole HR doesn't have your back thing, but trying to solve this without involving the right people can have much more serious consequences than if you try to do it right from the start.
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u/No-Farmer-3940 Mar 22 '26
Is he an international student? He might be clueless that this is absolutely not allowed.
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u/UBmorecowbell Mar 22 '26
Kids now have absolutely no social skills. You are running screaming for your safe space that’s what’s the matter with this world.
Better call your counselor
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u/secretindianman13 CS + STATS 2028 Mar 20 '26
I’m a TA myself and in the training the biggest ‘no no’ they emphasize was NOT TO pursue students and reject them if they ever approached us. I would just let it go to prevent anyone from getting in trouble