Today marks Day 50 of my 90-day challenge. I have only 40 days left, and honestly, when I look back, I don't see the consistent progress I was hoping for.
I started this challenge with a lot of motivation. The first few weeks were good, and I was making genuine efforts to improve my routines. But somewhere along the way, I lost that momentum. Now, I have pending tasks piling up, my routine is a mess, and I've started questioning myself and my decisions.
I think it's time to be honest about what's been holding me back.
Looking Back at My Mistakes
One of the biggest problems has been how much time I've wasted on unnecessary videos and pornography, including getting caught up in compulsive sexual habits. These have taken up far more of my time and attention than I want to admit.
I've noticed how these habits can leave me feeling drained, affect my ability to concentrate, and undermine my confidence. I kept falling into the same cycle even when I knew it wasn't helping me.
Another problem is that I've been playing it too safe in almost every area of my life.
My income hasn't increased, and instead of actively trying to improve my financial situation, I've been focused on adjusting my expenses to survive on the same income. There's nothing wrong with managing expenses, but using that as a substitute for pursuing better opportunities is a problem. Inflation isn't going to wait for me, and neither will the opportunities I'm missing.
My motorcycle is another example. Whenever it developed an issue, I kept choosing minor fixes just to keep it running. Over time, those small problems piled up, and now I'm facing a much bigger engine issue that will cost more to repair. I could go for another temporary fix, but I don't want to keep repeating the same mistake and throwing money at a problem that needs a proper solution.
The same pattern has been showing up in my career.
I've been planning to move to Bangalore to look for better job opportunities. After several conversations, I managed to get my family to understand my decision. But now that it's time to act, I've been postponing the move.
Home feels comfortable. It's familiar, easy, and safe. Moving to a new city means uncertainty, responsibility, and having to figure things out on my own.
I've also been postponing my final institutional exams, making excuses and telling lies to avoid dealing with them.
When I look at all these situations together, I see a pattern: I'm choosing short-term comfort even when I know it's creating bigger problems for my future.
That's something I need to change.
Day 50 — What I Actually Did
Today wasn't a perfect day, but I was more engaged than I have been recently.
I woke up late, scheduled my personal branding video across all my platforms, and went swimming. After returning, I spent some time checking social media views and engagement, went through the news and finance, and made a few updates to my capstone project that I'd been putting off for a while.
I also had a service idea that I wanted to propose to my uncle for his business. I'd been postponing that as well, but today I finally prepared the idea and sent it to him.
Then came the part where I fell back into my usual pattern.
I thought about studying in the afternoon, but decided to take a break first. That break stretched into the evening, and I ended up sleeping and watching unnecessary videos instead of studying.
Later, I had an assessment session to conduct. At night, I recorded a short video for my personal brand, edited it, conducted another session, and finally completed some LeetCode practice.
I'm now watching a new IBM video about AI agents.
It was a tiring day because I was juggling several things, and I did make progress on tasks that had been sitting unfinished for a long time. But I still wasted valuable hours that could have been used much better.
Being busy and being productive aren't always the same thing. I need to remember that.
Taking Some Important Decisions
Today, I wrote down the things I've been procrastinating on in a notepad.
Most of the tasks on that list have been there in my mind for weeks or even longer. I completed the majority of what I wrote down, but there are still important things left to do. I'll also need to add more as I remember them.
At least now, I'm starting to turn a vague sense of being overwhelmed into an actual list of things I can work through.
I also blocked the platforms and websites I was using to fall back into those compulsive habits. I don't want to keep relying on willpower alone while leaving the same distractions easily accessible.
I know blocking websites isn't a magical solution. I still need to change the behaviour and the decisions behind it. But it's a practical first step, and I want to take it seriously.
Tomorrow Might Be a Turning Point
I've been thinking about tomorrow because I have several important pending tasks and ideas that I want to finally act on.
If things work out as I'm hoping, tomorrow could be a significant day. It might also be exhausting, because I'm finally dealing with the backlog I've created through weeks of postponing things.
But that's the reality of it. The work didn't disappear just because I kept avoiding it. It accumulated, and now I have to deal with it.
I don't want to keep making ambitious plans, writing about my mistakes, and then repeating them the next day. I want to see actual changes in my decisions and actions.
I still have 40 days left.
I can't undo the time I've wasted, and I can't expect to transform my life overnight. But I can stop making the same excuses, face the things I've been avoiding, and start making decisions that move me forward rather than keep me comfortable.
Day 50/90 complete.
For the next 40 days, I want to focus less on how motivated I feel and more on what I actually do.
It's time to stop playing safe with my future.
