r/MarriedAtFirstSight • u/gmoney1892 • Mar 17 '22
Season 13 - Houston Dating apps are fun!
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u/farsighted451 Team Miska 🐶💚 Mar 18 '22
I think these are two very different situations, and yet there's no major blame on either side.
Ryan downloaded an app because he and Brett both knew they weren't saying yes on Decision Day. Was it a mistake? Yes. Was it as bad as Brett actually dating someone else during this time? No.
Katina had an old app on her phone from before MAFS and she said she didn't even have an active account. If that's accurate, it's like someone finding pictures of your ex in your cloud backup and being mad that you kept them, when you didn't even remember they existed. Who cares? And she handed her phone right over to O with no qualms, she had nothing to hide. If it's true that she didn't have an active profile, he totally overreacted, and he owes her an apology for freaking out AND for creeping through her phone when he asked for it to film.
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u/michyfor roast infectious apartment Mar 19 '22
So you support cheating when you know you are going to end a marriage. Got it.
Ryan was talking out of both sides of his mouth, he was trolling dating profiles before the marriage was over but he was sitting across from his wife at dinners and outings going"I am totally committed to this process and want to see it through" while running hot and cold being checked out for the most part but pretending like he was in the marriage.
Katina is totally invested in her marriage, falling for the man, putting up with a ton of abuse trying to overlook his huge red flags and had a dormant app on her phone.
Agreed, two VERY different situations.
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u/PurePeach2081 Mar 19 '22
The difference with Ryan is he downloaded but did not use or intend to use it. No cheating taking place
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u/Crazyditz Mar 20 '22
Ryan created a profile and made it public. Brett found out because he matched with someone that she knew and told her about it. He said he didn't mean to make it public until after decision day.
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u/PurePeach2081 Mar 20 '22
And Brett had a boyfriend that he knew about. Ryan did not act on the profile connection. He added it and did not review. He said he was planning to open after Decision Day. He was just being proactive
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u/Happens24 Mar 18 '22
There is a massive amount of hypocrisy with this. O handled this horribly no question but his premise wasn't wrong. If he had been caught with the app and said he didn't remember it NO ONE here or elsewhere would have believed him. Hell, Kat could have come out and vouched for him not having used it and half this sub would be saying she's just defending her lousy, cheating man. A lot of people here just want to label O an abuser while scraping the cause of the argument under the rug with excuses. There is a whole lot of double standards when it comes to men and women doing the same things and getting vastly different reactions to those things. Be it body shaming, cheating, etc. What's ok to do to guys is a national crisis if done to women. Down vote away but it is the truth. A guy says he wants a thin girl and he's a body shaming asshole but a woman says she wants a muscular or tall guy and it's perfectly fine. Say what?
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u/Specialist_Piano491 Mar 18 '22
Katina said that it was an old app that she hadn't used in quite some time for which there wasn't an active account or profile. Had it been Olajuwon who had the app on his phone, Katina could easily check for the last time the app had been used and whether there was an active profile for Olajuwon on it. Upon proof that Olajuwon wasn't using the app, it would be ludicrous for Katina or anyone else to get upset over an old app that he wasn't using and that didn't have an active profile.
In the same way, Olajuwon could have simply checked on the last time the app was used and whether there was an active profile on it. Instead, he flew off the handle and turned a negligible issue into something much bigger than it should have been. Moreover, instead of speaking to her about it privately first, he threatened to publically expose her and embarrass her.
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u/SirSnarcsalot Round trick trickets. Mar 18 '22
What's ok to do to guys is a national crisis if done to women.
Because men are the disposable class, and women are the protected class. No amount of "equality" has changed that.
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u/Mother_Knows_Best-22 Mar 18 '22
Women are the protected class? That's hilarious.
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u/SirSnarcsalot Round trick trickets. Mar 18 '22
So you were required by law to join the selective service when you turned 18 (assuming you are an American female)?
So Ukraine didn't just require all men age 18-60 to stay behind and fight to the death while the women and children were evacuated to nearby countries?
So you would willingly give up your seat on a life raft on a sinking ship to a man? Is that even a thing?
And lets not pretend that family courts don't heavily favor women.
C'mon...
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u/dxdxdxdxfx Mar 18 '22
Oh you should read about how the "women and children first" is largely mythicalized! Women and children had the lowest survival rates (with women's being half that of a man's and children at just 15%). This links to study within it: https://historyofyesterday.com/no-women-and-children-first-rule-was-never-a-real-thing-c783c308fb47
The saying became popular after the sinking of the Titanic and in response to ongoing suffrage movements at the time, as a false explanation for why women shouldn't complain because they were protected by men.
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u/SirSnarcsalot Round trick trickets. Mar 19 '22
Thank you for that link, that is very interesting information. You are correct, I was thinking about Titanic as the famous example, but am not an expert on all the ship sinkings. Most of the others I know about contained mostly all men (warships, etc).
As the article mentions, I am sure that chivalry is not nearly what it was romanticized to be, either. Interesting stuff! <3
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u/Mother_Knows_Best-22 Mar 18 '22 edited Mar 18 '22
Bwahahahahaha We are not in the Ukraine, so that point is moot. I think women would gladly serve in the military. It isn't our fault men discriminate against us. How many sinking ships are there these days? Do we have full control of our bodies? No. Are we paid like men? No. Is the child bearing and rearing left mostly to women? Yes.
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u/SirSnarcsalot Round trick trickets. Mar 18 '22
The point is NOT moot. I said that women are the protected class. I did not specify a geographical region, as it is almost universal (Israel could possibly be an exception?)
Secondly, it's not a question of women "gladly" serving in the military. Many women (in many countries) DO volunteer and bravely serve their countries. I am talking about the fact that in the USA, the Selective Service Act REQUIRES all men at age 18 to register. This means they can be drafted AGAINST their will, something that women are protected against. Both of my parents had several (male of course) friends that were drafted and shipped over to Vietnam, never to return. Are men discriminating against women by not requiring them to register? OK, let's say they are (and I agree it's antiquated thinking that women aren't included in the SSA)... where are the women's' marches for that cause?
Ships sink every day. Most are crewed by a majority of men, however. Just last week or so I read about a ship full of luxury cars that sunk. But they are safer with regards to having enough life rafts now, yes.
The wage gap is highly flawed as widely reported. The adjusted wage gap is only 95%, and mostly comes down the overtime, which men volunteer for at much higher rates (for various reasons).
You got me on the child bearing - I couldn't do that if I tried! :-)
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u/rubyfruitbhole Mar 19 '22
so you agree that patriarchy is bad then right? and you definitely don’t want to have supremacy over women bc of want you see as ‘advantages’ in society
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u/SirSnarcsalot Round trick trickets. Mar 19 '22
Well, first we'd have to agree on what the "patriarchy" is. But assuming we could, I would agree that anyone who oppresses others is 'bad.' I believe that everyone should have equal opportunities and be able to maneuver how they wish to in life. I also think the world is a very complex place. I don't think women have advantages over men in all aspects of life. I also don't think men have total advantage over women, either. We are all dealt a somewhat unique hand of cards based on our demographics and many many other situations. Some people are much more advantaged than others, but how you choose to play your cards makes a difference too.
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u/Construction-Capable Mar 18 '22
Women in the USA have woken up to the fact that marching in protests brings awareness but holding positions of authority and office bring legal change. Women have been entering both arenas in increasing amounts.
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Mar 18 '22
His black and white attitude is the biggest red flag to me. He kept re-iterating the same point over and over again as if they makes him absolutely right. He also refused to see any other view point or put himself in any other shoes. He is demanding she see his side, while not being open to viewing hers. If I saw my bf had a dating app, the context of my anger about it relies on the situation and usage of the app. O is mad the app purely exists on her phone. No exceptions. I would only be mad if the app was actively being used/hidden, mal intentions. Just existing from a forethought in the past, god no I wouldn't care. Just laugh about it and delete it then.
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u/timebomb011 Mar 18 '22
it is crazy to have a dating app on your phone if you're in a relationship let alone married. he knew because he saw it on the top of her screen when he was taking a photo. i could be mistaken but that makes me think it was active people just defending her because the don't like o.
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u/Fractionleftattract My credit score is right at 815 Mar 18 '22
He said he went through her phone and that's how he found it.
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u/Few_Sea_4314 Whinestone Cowgirl/Asslyssa/ACEhole--pick one. Mar 18 '22
If she had used it recently, he would have had a right to be angry. But, it was obvious she hadn't. She looked too completely dumbfounded for it to be an act. He needed to calm the f*** down after she explained. So many red flags with him. I feel for Katina.
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u/Mother_Knows_Best-22 Mar 18 '22
How was it obvious she hadn't used it? I didn't see that at all.
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u/Few_Sea_4314 Whinestone Cowgirl/Asslyssa/ACEhole--pick one. Mar 18 '22
She said she didn't even remember it was on her phone and she looked so shocked that he went off the deep end over it that I believe her. I also said she hadn't used it RECENTLY! I have no idea if she ever used it.
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u/Mother_Knows_Best-22 Mar 18 '22
Well, she said that, and I don't doubt it's true. I thought you meant evidence O would accept lol
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u/Few_Sea_4314 Whinestone Cowgirl/Asslyssa/ACEhole--pick one. Mar 18 '22
Is there any evidence O would accept? I saw that Katina had made him breakfast and I also saw that the eggs were not "the best" and the bacon looked a bit crunchy. But, at least she tried. He still had to make a comment later in the show about her not being a good cook. My husband never, ever did that to me, and I made bungles when I would try more difficult meals or "new things". Of course, he has always valued his life and limbs.....
He annoys me to no end.
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u/Mother_Knows_Best-22 Mar 19 '22
LOL, yes there is no evidence he would accept, IF all that BS was real. This season is scripted and the situations, like the scavenger hunt, are silly.
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u/vaporwav3r At this point... I'm rooting for no one. Mar 18 '22
He is doing absolutely anything he can to find an out. How many times will he be mean and humiliate her in front of people and on tv?
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u/ArtofRoxC Mar 18 '22
You can also have the app and never have an account. I think I heard her say that but the jerk kept cutting her off
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u/dumbass-Study7728 Mar 18 '22
Yep, that's exactly what she said. He probably couldn't hear her while he was screaming like an idiot. Also, my phone will tell you how long it's been since you've used each app as a way to thin out stuff that just sits there and eats up space. But you have to know how to find that in the phone's settings.
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u/britmarie13 Mar 18 '22
I dont think she was using the app. She could have forgot it was still on her phone. I have apps I have on my phone that I forgot are there. But I also wonder which dating app she had on her phone. If it was Bumble, there is a version to network with others and anothee version to find friends. But all versions are in the same app. I wonder if it Bumble that was on her phone and she used the non-dating versions. Maybe the producers thought it would be more dramatic if she just said she forgot she stll had the app
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u/Loony_Loveless Mar 18 '22
True. Been with my husband 5 years and have the bumble app from trying to meet mom friends after my son was born. Pretty sure it took me a while to delete Tinder as well after we started dating since I had stopped using it and didn’t think about it. He took it to an extreme that it didn’t need to go to that’s for sure.
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u/Beneficial-Cow-2544 Mar 18 '22
OK, so I haven't been on a dating site since 2007, since before dating apps but I wondered is there a way to show on the app, the last time it was used? I guess that would depend on the app?
Either way, it was a total dick move of him to bring it up like he did. He has a lot to learn about communicating in a marriage. I have plenty of apps on my phone that I haven't used in ages.
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u/Berserkerbabee Mar 18 '22
My phone has a setting which shows the last time an app was accessed and the time spent on the app. Seems easy enough to verify.
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u/Beneficial-Cow-2544 Mar 18 '22
Yup, mine too! Its called Digital Wellbeing on the Pixel phone. Just thinking in this day and age, it should be rather easy to verify whether you are active on an app.
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u/Isosceles_Kramer79 69 is geometry Mar 17 '22
It would be a good idea to bring former contestants on Afterparty instead of random bloggers podcasters.
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u/vaporwav3r At this point... I'm rooting for no one. Mar 18 '22
It’s annoying cause they’ll bring bloggers or podcasters on but then they make copyright claims on the content we make talking about the show, even if we show just a tiny clip. Using maybe 30-45 seconds of footage to make 30+minute content and discussions about their show that creates engagement and heightens community around the show.. they’re annoying.
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u/United-Telephone-247 Mar 18 '22
What is this Afterparty 'watched by faithful viewers of the show' to go on and critique what just went on?
I'll go stand in line and see if they'll pick me off the street! Annoying!But, I wonder if so many of the others won't be on the After show they have to bring in viewers.
Either way, it's way low end.
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Mar 17 '22
The difference is Ryan was actually using it 🤭🤭
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u/Sufficient-Gold8058 💍 Proposed to 3 times 💍 Mar 18 '22
I agree. I'm married and have a dating app on my phone but never use it. Ryan is scum!
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u/No_Usual_9563 Mar 19 '22
If you're married and are fully aware that the app is on there, why not delete it?
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u/Sufficient-Gold8058 💍 Proposed to 3 times 💍 Mar 19 '22
I wasn’t even aware it was on there until my wife checked my phone when we were watching MAFS
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u/Gataloca420 Mar 18 '22
Exactly he matched with a friend of Brett. Meaning he was actively swiping left and right.
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Mar 18 '22
I thought the narrative was that he swiped on her friends profile prior to getting married at first sight, deactivated his account. Reactivated his account and boom, the friend matched with him.
I don't know that it really matters. Brett was dating someone else or ready to date someone else. He was moving on. Towards the end, they were just playing house for the cameras.
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u/Imaginary_Shelter_37 Mar 18 '22
After Brett started seeing someone else. I believe they agreed to play nice until the end but neither had any intention to stay together. She didn't care about the app, but production found out and made it a thing.
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u/michyfor roast infectious apartment Mar 17 '22
Not gonna lie, the minute I saw that last night I instantly thought of Ryan too lol Only difference is he was actually trolling profiles. She just had the app on her phone. I have apps on my phone 4 pages deeps I don't even know what they are for anymore. It's not unheard of really to forget what is on your phone. It merits having a discussion to remove that but not the way he went about it. BYE freak!
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u/IPorkNBeanzI Mar 18 '22
Same. I have a ton of apps on my phone and totally forget they’re there. If she was actively using it, I’m sure she wouldn’t have handed her phone over to O so easily both times. He’s just an ass and takes every opportunity to exert control over her or make her feel less than.
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u/noncomposmentis_123 I'm a f*cking good person!🖕🏻 Mar 18 '22
That's what I said, you end up with a ton of apps you never use or think of and they just sit there forever. Ola made a big to do over nothing.
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u/kerssem Mar 18 '22
Ryan wasn't trolling. Brett was actually dating though
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u/iqnio Mar 18 '22
Ryan schemed with Zack to get the most out of dating while under their NDAs. Whether Brett did anything is hearsay from Ryan's camp ie. his sister. Brett has shown to keep it 100 compared to Ryan and his descriptions of Brett making a scene.
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u/michyfor roast infectious apartment Mar 18 '22
He was definitely trolling. It was Brett’s friend who saw him on there because he matched with her.
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u/IgNacho_2923 Verified Cast Member S13 Mar 18 '22
No he wasn’t
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u/michyfor roast infectious apartment Mar 18 '22 edited Mar 18 '22
Really? So what were you doing on the dating app matching with your wife’s friend while married and telling her “ya sure I want to see this through”
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u/Chinitomane Mar 17 '22
As someone who is happily married I had plenty of apps including dating apps that I completely forgot about and never delete until years afterbecause I forgot and when I switched phones I didn't redownload. This shit ain that big a deal
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u/kokokardi Mar 19 '22
if katina had something to hide she would have never let O hold her phone in the first place