r/HaveWeMet • u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist • 16d ago
News-Worthy Someone is writing a book about Lower Duck Pond
I don't want to cause a panic, but I think everyone should know.
I have it on reasonably good authority that one of our neighbors is writing a book about Lower Duck Pond.
From what I've heard, it's going to be something like Peyton Place—longstanding feuds, questionable business dealings, neighborhood scandals, things people thought everyone had forgotten, and possibly the truth about certain unexplained incidents.
Names may be changed, but apparently not enough.
I don't know who the author is.
I don't know how much they know.
And I certainly don't know who has been talking.
I'm posting this as a courtesy so everyone has an opportunity to get their story straight.
Personally, I have nothing to hide.
Except for the thing with the gazebo, which was completely misunderstood.
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u/LonelyDesertCactus Sam Charles, Private Eye and Bird Enthusiast 16d ago
I think we can all see it's OP who's trying to write a book, out here trying to stir up trouble in the comments.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
Sam, I'm shocked. I'm simply a concerned citizen trying to keep my neighbors informed.
Although now that you're here, perhaps you can tell us why Stephen seems so certain the manuscript will never be published.
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u/LonelyDesertCactus Sam Charles, Private Eye and Bird Enthusiast 16d ago
The ducks protect their own. LDP often thinks of itself as the ducks' stewards, but it's truly a symbiotic relationship. The ducks have managed to keep this small haven safe from the bulk of the vicissitudes and cruel practicalities of the outside world, and I'm sure they will continue to do so.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
That's a remarkably eloquent way of not answering the question, Sam. I'm beginning to understand how things work around here.
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u/LonelyDesertCactus Sam Charles, Private Eye and Bird Enthusiast 16d ago
Fast talking has gotten me out of a lot of jams, and timely silence has gotten me a lot of excellent bird pics.
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u/synaesthezia Priscilla | Aussie exchange student 16d ago
OMG is it about Krystal? She was an awesome Mayor! We had the best glitter parties then
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
Interesting. Krystal wasn't one of the names I'd heard, but now you've made me curious. What exactly happened at these glitter parties?
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u/runancula Bertie from the Cleaners 16d ago
How can I get in talks with the person writing it? I have lots of dirty laundry to share.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
Bertie, forget the author. With that much dirty laundry, you may be Lower Duck Pond's unofficial town historian.
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u/jpzygnerski Josie, Freelance Busybody 15d ago edited 14d ago
Forget the author. Want to meet for coffee?
(Thank you for the award.)
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 12d ago
Bertie! Don't even think about talking about the White Tail Lodge thing! 83 was a long time ago and people grow up. If those loose women stayed in Big Stank town like they belonged, the whole thing never would have happened. Of course, my Jed was home all night practicing for choir practice. I remember because if I heard "Saved by the Blood " one more time I was planning to go to the Lodge myself. Of course, I personally never stepped foot in the place myself, except to drop off "Have you been saved?" tracts to the sinners in the parking lot. We had alot of extras after the waitresses at the Cafe refused to take them as tips anymore. I still pray for them. If you need to talk about the gossip you know, you can always call me. You know, to pray for them.
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u/OhReallyVernon Agnes/retired school librarian 12d ago
O
oh come on mable you know lois has given even the worst author plenty to write about both before the lodge incident and after. Jed may have been home singing that night but I’m just saying lois might have been singing right along with him if you know what I mean. dont worry though because lois was never any man’s first choice.1
u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 11d ago
Agnes! I can't believe you are trying to tie my Jed- rest his soul- to that nasty Lois! We all know Lois had to leave town after the 83 thing, and all those charges against me were dropped! Jed's unfortunate incident with that pitchfork was a freak accident!
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u/OhReallyVernon Agnes/retired school librarian 11d ago
listen mable you and I are good. but you outta know that lois has been tramping around here for years. she just leaves again before anyone else can run her out of town. hey do you still have my orange tupperware
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 8d ago edited 8d ago
I have AN orange Tupperware. Can you prove it's yours? Because you know, I participate in every Church potluck, Save the Ducks fundraiser and each and every Keep our Girls from Sin lunch. I mean, I see alot of Tupperware. Of course I know you have real Tupperware, not this cheap dollar store stuff these young mothers are into these days. The world is going to hell I tell you!
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u/xologo decahedron sales&service 16d ago
Please leave out the story of me and the porpoise.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
A porpoise? That's not what I heard. I was told it was another kind of fish.
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 12d ago
Don't you worry. All the Ladies in the Prayer Circle know that the porpoise started it.
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u/leTicTocChoc Madhu - 93 - amateur taxidermist 16d ago
Oh, I get it. I hope your book sells well.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
That's very kind, Madhu. I'm sure the author, whoever they may be, would appreciate your support.
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u/internationalhoee Nancy, 29, daughter of flower shop owner 16d ago
Oh no no no this can’t be happening!!!!
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u/All_cats_want_pets Steven, 34, lives above Janice's grocery store 16d ago edited 11d ago
We have nothing to hide! Just don't go into our triple barricaded locked garden shed, that's where we keep our carrot cake recipe
Edit: thank you, to the anonymous kind neighbor for the awards :)
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
A triple-barricaded locked shed containing a supposedly secret carrot cake recipe is exactly the sort of thing that ends up in a chapter.
I'm not saying you've made yourself suspicious, Steven, but....
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u/All_cats_want_pets Steven, 34, lives above Janice's grocery store 16d ago
I don't know how that would make me suspicious, I clearly don't want it exposed. If anything this is proof I'm not the author!
But perhaps you're actually the author and accusing everyone else to cover up yourself... you're the first person from which I've heard about this book...
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
That's an interesting theory, Steven.
Almost interesting enough to make everyone forget about the triple-barricaded garden shed.
Almost.
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u/All_cats_want_pets Steven, 34, lives above Janice's grocery store 16d ago
Wait WHAT how did you know about my triple barricaded garden shed??? Do you also know about the keys being hidden in the birds nest in the nearby birch tree?? I am highly concerned!
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
Steven, I'm obviously not going to reveal my sources.
Although hiding the keys in a bird's nest when the town has a private investigator who's also a bird enthusiast seems... unwise.
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u/All_cats_want_pets Steven, 34, lives above Janice's grocery store 16d ago
You know about the keys too????? This is PREPOSTEROUS i WILL be contacting the law department!! At least you don't know what's inside... hopefully.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
I may need to consult the town tarot reader before this is over. Does she work on weekends?
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u/All_cats_want_pets Steven, 34, lives above Janice's grocery store 16d ago
I'm pretty sure she only works on saturday nights between 3:26-4:01 AM
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 12d ago
Oh no! Tarot cards! That's Satan's playground! You should tell me all about it so our Ladies Prayer Intercession team can pray on it! We discuss everyone's prayer needs every Tuesday at my house. We haven't even told anyone about the whole who burnt down the Fleek Fish Farm thing back on '03.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 12d ago
Mable, please. We agreed years ago that what happened at the Fleek Fish Farm in '03 would remain between us, the fire department, and that one extremely traumatized goat.
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u/jpzygnerski Josie, Freelance Busybody 15d ago
I think this is a terrible invasion of privacy and this person beat me to the punch. I've been working on this for a while but it sounds like whoever this is has a lot more info than I've been able to dig up. I'll have to seriously step up my game.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 15d ago
Josie, you've been quietly digging up information on everyone for some time, and now a mysterious book appears. “They beat me to it” is a remarkably good cover story.
I'm keeping an eye on you.
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u/jpzygnerski Josie, Freelance Busybody 15d ago
In my defense, I've been pretty open about digging for information (not dirt necessarily). I'm not trying to write something sensational. Well, not too sensational. This person seems to have information that I haven't been able to find. I have to look into this manuscript and see if I can find a copy
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 15d ago
Hmmm. The classic redirection.
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u/jpzygnerski Josie, Freelance Busybody 14d ago
You seem pretty intent on pinning this on me as if I'm keeping it a secret. Sure I didn't come out and tell everybody what I was doing, but I've told a bunch of people over the years.
I didn't want to say it, but it really makes me think that you're the one behind it. You doth protest way too much.
Thanks for the heads up and challenge accepted!
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 14d ago
Josie, I have no idea what you're talking about. I am merely being civic minded in my warning. But hypothetically, how do you feel about being portrayed sympathetically?
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u/jpzygnerski Josie, Freelance Busybody 14d ago
I know how to sue for libel. Take that as you will.
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 12d ago
Well Josie,you're always welcome back to the Ladies Prayer Intercession Circle and 50 Shades Book club. The good book is important but you have to stay on top of what sins you're up against too. Next Tuesday is Harlequin bodice ripper week.
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u/jpzygnerski Josie, Freelance Busybody 12d ago
I'm more into Romantasy but I'd love to come.
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 8d ago
We welcome all people regardless of literature preferences! We would be delighted to learn about Romantasy! Is it about Rome or roses?
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u/jpzygnerski Josie, Freelance Busybody 8d ago
It's fantasy-romance. I'm also willing to dip into other genres.
Will there be gossip?
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 7d ago
Well, we do share information, but only so everyone can pray on it. Gossip is a sin, you know. Sharing information for the purposes of prayer is what we do.
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u/avengersDoomsdayguy Patricia | Utah mom at age 43 🥰❤️ 14d ago
Oh I sure do hope me and my kids end up in it. After that affair my older daughter had with her husband we got a lot of attention in Utah.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 14d ago
Patricia, somehow I don't think you need to worry about being overlooked.
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 8d ago edited 8d ago
As I recall, he wasn't her husband at the time..but no matter! They married in the church so it's all covered now.
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u/GIDAMIEN 16d ago
The fuck they are
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 16d ago
I see you have strong feelings about this. Anything in particular you're worried might make it into print?
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 12d ago
Convenient that this is an anonymous comment...is that you BillBobRayDale?
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 15d ago
Well, you know, that thing that happened at the White Tail Lodge back in 83 is going to get brought up again, for sure.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 15d ago
Mable, I was hoping no one would bring up the White Tail Lodge. Especially 1983. Or 1997.
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u/AvailableAd6071 Mable mcGuire 65 life long resident 14d ago
Alls I know is my Jed was home all night in 83 and we all know who all was all up in the 97 thing. Not that they shouldn't be sheriff now, but you didn't hear that from me.
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u/BrigadoonFound Local Artist 14d ago
Of course not, Mable. You haven't told me a thing. Mum's the word.
And I would never mention the sheriff. After all, youth will be youth.
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u/LimitedLiablePotato Stephen W. Rawling, D.Jur., LL.D. 16d ago
Hellfire, kid, I don’t see why anybody would want to read about this place. Publishing’s on the decline anyhow; the manuscript’s never going to see the light of day regardless.