Dinner is left over delicious buffalo wings. 😋

So a couple of weeks ago, me and a friend were talking about rom coms, and I told her about this movie called “Peter and Vandy” and basically told her it shows relationships in an interesting light.

We hung out tonight, and while we were catching up, she told me she watched the movie with her boyfriend, and while watching it, she realized that she related to the female character in the scenes where the male character was being especially emotionally abusive.

She specifically mentioned the scene where the female lead is making a sandwich, and her boyfriend verbally berates her for using two knives to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

She told me she kept telling the girl in the movie to walk away, and then she realized she was that girl.

Tbh, this guy was complete trash, and regardless of how she got there, I’m glad she finally did.

Edit: I do want to add that I purposely recommend this movie to her, hoping this would be the result. Which is a very manipulative thing to do, we did discuss this.

Take away Honey Chicken :(

I had some friends over to my place so we could drink and celebrate the weekend, and the end of uni exams. This included quite a bit of vodka 😭 I don’t drink that often but I’m fairly light weight, so I drank less than everyone else. It was getting late we were all starting to sober up and get ready for bed, I’d dragged some mattresses in the living room earlier. There wasn’t enough room for everyone so my friend, (20F) and I (20F) decided we’d just sleep in my bedroom away from everyone else. I’m pretty sure it was my idea?

She and I are definitely the closest in the group, we like to hang out alone sometimes and she stays over at mine just the two of us all the time. She did drink a little bit more than me but she always says she has a lot higher tolerance for alcohol and never gets blackout drunk (I know this is true, I’ve seen her barely get drunk from half a bottle of vodka)

Once we got into my bed it got kind of weird. It was freezing, so we kind of spooned and snuggled under the covers while we started talking about something or rather I don’t remember. I can’t quite remember how we first crossed the line but she started kissing my hand and caressing my neck. I told her we were drunk and I don’t want her to regret doing something weird, but she kept saying over and over again how she wouldn’t forget, she won’t regret it and she wasn’t that drunk anymore.

Kissing turned into more, and I can’t remember exactly how long it went but I am 100% certain we did A LOT more than just kissing, things I’ve never done with anyone let alone a girl.

She kept saying “I want to try everything with you”. Eventually when I started sobering up enough I made her stop. She begged me to keep going but she didnt push me to, and respected my wishes so we just talked for another 30 minutes until we fell asleep, cuddling much closer than friends do. We talked about ‘would you ever date a girl?’ (We both said we would) I don’t remember the rest of what we talked about right before sleeping but I remember feeling happy and safe with her and glad it had happened, although weird our friends were in the other room and probably heard us moaning 😭😭

Long story short next morning she doesn’t mention it at all. Keeps dropping hints infront of our friends like “wow I don’t remember anything about last night at all, though my neck kind of hurts” I know she remembers and is just pretending she doesn’t, I can see by the look on her face. Everyone left yesterday, and we’ve only sent each other one message since and it was pretty dry.

I want to text her so bad, I want to tell her I know you remember and I don’t care if you regret it but don’t pretend it wasn’t real. We crossed a line we can’t uncross and I’m feeling things she can’t just sweep under the rug.

What do I do? Do I confront her or just pretend it never happened like she wants me to?? 😫

Edit: will update when I finally talk to her, I’m going to send her a message to ask talk in person. Thank you for all the advice, especially the brutally honest comments, I needed to hear it

ugh i really need some advice. to preference, my bf and i have been together for over a year. so this all took place the other day, my bf (18m) and i (18f) were hanging out in my room and he is the type of guy thats obsessed w cars and hes looking for a new car on facebook marketplace. so ofc he was looking at facebook and i was looking to bc he was trying to show me something but he went to his search and i saw a few girls and i was kinda taken aback bc he never searches girls on instagram or tiktok i would know bc i always go on his stuff when i get bored. anyways, i ask him about those girls in his search and he goes "hold on im tryna show you this" and so i ask in a more serious tone and take his phone to see and he lets me of course and i scroll down through his search and i wanted to crawl out of my skin. there were probably 15 or more girls in his search. i was genuinely confused bc my bf is the sweetest guy and sure he makes me mad sometimes but our relationship is so healthy (well i thought it was). so i ask about it and he said that some of them sold cars and he accidentally clicked on their profile and im not dumb. i know thats a lie. so i go outside to cool down for about 15 mins and go back inside and say "can you just tell me the truth please" so he does and tells me he'd look at them when we got into arguments as a way to self sabotage the relationship and the reason he self sabotage's is bc of his dad leaving so he wants to leave before he gets left.

he talks about how he's depressed and hes been having some issues mentally ik hes telling the truth he told me a month into our relationship he was depressed but i had no clue it got that bad. i ofc take this VERY seriously and hear him out and everything and hes been going to a therapist for a few weeks and said he'll talk to her about everything so he can improve on himself so we dont have to break up and if he cant improve he'll break up with me (bc im not really good at breaking up w ppl). so i really need advice. what should i do? im too embarrassed to tell my best friend abt it bc i probably sound stupid right now. i really love him and all i think about is a future w him and i want to fight for us.

chocolate chip banana bread :(

Veggie dumplings were AMAZING 😋

So today bf randomly mentioned he wants us to take more pictures together. I agreed with him and said I’m sad we don’t have a lot because I just forget to take pictures or I’m just in the moment with him. So the thought to take pictures doesn’t really ever happen when we’re on dates or hanging out together

Later on he randomly starts sending me photos of ME that I’ve never seen before but I knew he took them since I can remember where the place is and what were doing on those days

They’re me doing mundane things. Looking at the trees, reading books, smiling with a couple friends (none of us looking at the camera), building a dresser, looking at the sunset, etc

Well I had no idea he was doing this the whole time and I thought it was sweet. I texted him and said if he had told me to look at the camera, I would’ve taken photos with him. He said he just takes them to admire me later. 🙄😅

I thought it was sweet and cute

Reposting due to branding (no more brands !!)

NOT cheez-its ;) and mini muffins with a ring I put for pretty sake (not eating the ring soz)

I asked my property manager for an extension on rent on the 1st because I had emergency car troubles that could not wait (because then I couldn’t work >:P) and they gave me a very generous extension until the 15th. My ex said he’d be able to help with it so I was expecting that, which fell through when we broke up.

Not sure what to do now, looked into payday loans and they just seem sooo predatory and my town does not have a lot of emergency rent relief services.

So instead I’ve been looking into cheap storage units and seeing if any shelters would be able to take me for a month or so.

Yay me :) thank you for reading as always, love y’all.

edit: actions I have taken are: maxed out my credit cards to help pay rent, spoke to property manager and was declined another extension, asked my boss if I could have an advance and was told no (not surprising it’s a mom and pop bar & grill)

edit 2: guys the nails are press ons 😭 why would I spend money on nails rn ?!? cmon now

edit 3: ok guys here’s some bullet points so people can stop saying the same shit:

- i DoorDash whenever i have time
- ive been bought food the last few days every now and then by my friends, one of these was a meal i took a picture of and posted on this sub, i did not spend $13 dollars when i should have been saving for rent
- the press ons were $5 and they were bought for me again, by my friend, because i mentioned i was sad I couldn’t get my nails done for a while

I cannot believe i have to write all that but there are some people DRAGGING me for these topics so i feel like i have to say something LOL

TW: miscarriage

Spicy pepperoni pizza that was delicious

January earlier this year, we found out we lost our sweet baby. I was a day shy of 17 weeks and baby had stopped growing around 15 weeks.

For context at the first ultrasound, my husband said that the very tiny baby on the screen looked like a lizard. That turned into our "belly" name. I know it's silly.

This month we decided to try again. We've been focusing on our health and are feeling ready. My period isn't expected for 6 days, but I had a positive progesterone test so it looks like I did ovulate successfully. I'm still not super hopeful because it took months last time. Then something wild happened last week.

On the exact day of the year anniversary of testing positive with our "little lizard", we found an actual lizard in our bathroom. This hasn't happened before. I carefully caught it and released it back outside after marveling at it for several minutes. It was a really cool looking skink.

I feel like it's a sign. I'm also trying not to get my hopes up. I guess we'll know in less than a week.

if you don’t know what that is—god I envy you—it’s a schedule for feeding a baby: nurse, then pump, then offer a bottle. rinse and repeat every three hours. it’s designed to help baby gain weight while increasing mom’s milk supply. and, as I was told over and over, it’s a temporary strategy. doing it too long can cause major burnout.

friends, I did it for almost four months. it consumed me. it was hellish. i felt chained to my pump, but also completely unable to let it go. I’d dreamed of being able to nurse my baby—sustaining her from my own body, as I already had for nine whole months—and I had no idea how else to get there. (the real issue, I eventually found out, was a long-undiagnosed tongue tie—but that’s besides the point.)

I was incredibly depressed. my body began to ache from all the time spent sitting. I cried daily. my sweet baby was growing like a weed before my eyes, and I was miserable.

three months ago, I finally let it go. I got into therapy. I got on meds. I had to process a lot: the immense disappointment I felt for the medial providers who’d led me down this path, my grief at not having the postpartum experience I’d hoped for, the time I felt like I’d lost and could never get back, the pressure I’d put on myself and my baby to make this work. recently, I went out for a walk and thought to myself, “wow, I love my life,” and then almost wept because I finally feel like myself again.

I still pump, but I don’t obsess over the numbers. my daughter nurses overnight/in the morning, and I don’t try to push it during the day. I’m so amazed that my body has been able to feed her this long, and I’m so proud I’ve made it to this point despite how terribly rough of a start we had. my baby is so much fun, so beautiful, being her mom is the honor of my life—and she has these incredible thigh rolls, which I wish I could tell my past self about as she cried over her baby’s weight gain. we made it, past me. we made it.

“dinner” is a slice of chocolate cake my husband brought home to honor the six month milestone. baby’s dinner is in the background in my trusty wearable pumps.

Goop salad for dinner. This is a rant and mourning. I miss talking to my best friend without her toddler interrupting. I don’t want to talk about the books he’s reading, his pee or potty training status, whether he had diarrhea at day care. And now she’s training the kid to want to talk to me!!! No!!!

I do not want to talk to him. Now he wants to chime in babbling. Grabbing the phone from her. Interrupting us. My BFF is delighted by this new behavior. I’m just like… it’s 11P. Shouldn’t you be in bed???

I know this makes me sound like an asshole. My friend doesn’t have a lot of other friends. She’s very isolated and like so many moms is the full-time caregiver/cook/comfort/housekeeper/nurse. She loves that her son is her WHOLE WORLD. And I can feel her sinking. She’s calling me more than ever. I know she’s craving feeling seen and heard but it also feels like I’m her life raft 😫

I did not grow up with a mom like that and I respect my mother for it. She was a baddie with a full-time ass career and yes lots of help. But we had a fun life seeing her have a fun life. So, yeah. I guess this is also me judging how my BFF is raising her kid in so much isolation and worship. Her work is complaining that she can’t complete her part-time hours, like every week, from home. She doesn’t understand why they don’t understand her son is the priority. It’s so unfair but jobs and bosses do not want to hear about childcare complications. They just don’t.

I will also be downvoted to all hell, but I am not having a kid until I can afford infrastructure support to be the type of on the go baddie who raised not one or two but three kiddos while being an MD.

Edit: I’m stunned by the way women feel comfortable talking to each other on the internet. I appreciate all the moms here. Y’alls candor and struggle while raising little ones. And the childless friends + support systems. Thank you for bringing clarity and also your own truths. Being a woman is brutal.

I already said above I am judging my friend. So I appreciate the LOUD perspectives and reminder to get that in check from one and all. I do happen to have 18 years of observing data points, choices (objectively bad ones I have not mentioned), and events that have allowed me to form my own… yes. Judgements.

Mercifully, we all get to do what we want with our hot bodies and lil’ babies (or not). And the final court of law is not Girldinnerdiaries. I hear it. Most of y’all would banish me to Friendship Alcatraz. ⛓️‍💥

Dinner is left over ready made Jollof rice and pieces of stake.

I’ve been in this city for 10 years and I have not made a single consistent friend. I’ve done the apps, meet up groups and activities and nothing. When I have managed to build some sort of connection it becomes obvious we don’t have much in common or they simply stop reciprocating. Whenever I had had consistent friendships it’s because I had to bend over backwards to maintain the relationship and it was clear they were only around because they had no other option.

I’m in my 30s and single. I don’t really feel a desire to date and frankly will be too ashamed to tell someone I’m dating I don’t have anyone to hang out with. I remember when I first moved here after graduating in my early 20s and would meet older men online because I was so lonely and wanted someonwhere to go. As you can imagine this never ended well but I’m okay.

I’ve taken up a few activities lately to get myself out of the house. Otherwise I spend all day and night in my room scrolling on the internet or watching movies. My mental health isn’t great. Im in therapy. No need to suggest it. I wake up and I am disappointed I have to do the same thing over again.
I know I should be thankful I have a job, a roof over my head etc. Unfortunately, I feel like I’m being tortured.

Where does the cult come in? It would be somewhere to go regularly and connect with people and something to do. I’m not particularly religious but I really need to do something I haven’t tried so far.

I don’t really want advice, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

TW: pet death 💔

Dinner is sad-looking taquitos from Costco and some koolaid my son mixed up. I don’t have energy for anything else.

I’m absolutely wrecked. My family was out of state for the past week. We left my cat, Marley, home with a pet sitter dropping in to feed him and keep him company. We ended up having to stay an extra day and thought “oh Marley just be happy to see us when we do get home”.

Well we got home Sunday evening to a message from the pet sitter that she couldn’t find him Saturday night or Sunday morning. He’s a completely indoor cat and the sitter was 100% sure that he hadn’t gotten outside. He’s didn’t come running when we came in, and we were really worried and afraid that something bad had happened. My dad looked in all the windowsills and bedrooms. Finally we heard weak meows coming from under my bed. Didn’t know if he was sick, trapped, or what. We got him out, and he was very, very sick.

My dad and I rushed him to the emergency vet and we weren’t sure he’d even survive the trip. Long heart wrenching story short, we were too late and he was fading fast, struggling to breathe. The vet said that Marley possibly had pneumonia or heart problems, gave him a 10% chance of survival, and recommended we euthanize him to minimize his suffering.

We agreed and just two hours after getting home and being so excited to see and cuddle my sweet little guy, we were setting him free instead. He was only 4 years old.

Rest in peace, Marley-dude, I will always love you 💔

Seven (yes SEVEN) months of having a grown ass man practically living in my apartment, smoking weed, not working. gaming, and acting like spending quality time with his girlfriend was a fucking hostage situation.

And now? HOLY FUCK. I'm cooking, hiking, laughing, painting, spending time with my animals, and even have a date lined up. I'm actually excited about things again!

I have my own money, my own home, a degree, hobbies, goals, and 2617 different interests. How the fuck did I end up negotiating for affection with a sentient couch cushion with 0 ambition?

Do I miss him sometimes? Yea.... even though my husky is vocal he usually only yells and doesn't provide much to a conversation 😉 But apparently removing one large vegetable from my living room was all it took to remember how much I fucking love my life.

Tonight's dinner is pan fried kielbasa, pickled beets, kimchi and Chinese hot mustard off a cutting board....might make more kielbasa later and melt cheese on it this time.

I’ll try to keep this short.
We are four siblings: my older sister, me, my younger brother, and my youngest sister. My older sister and I share both parents, who passed away about 16 years ago. My younger siblings have a different father, who is still alive but is not involved in their lives.
I moved to the US about six years ago, and my older sister around four years ago. My other two siblings live separately in Mexico. I just wanted to give a little background about our family.
About 6–7 years ago, my younger brother found out he was HIV-positive. He started treatment and became undetectable within a few months. However, since then, he has struggled with severe depression.
We have tried to encourage him to go to therapy, but he usually stops after one or two sessions. He works at different jobs for a few months before losing them, and he has worked in bars and other environments that haven’t helped his situation. Over time, he developed problems with alcohol and would sometimes come home extremely drunk. Eventually, we found out he was smoking weed, which we didn’t agree with, but he continued.
Last week, I flew to Mexico to celebrate his birthday. He has been unemployed for almost two months, lives alone, and barely leaves his house because of his depression. He has also lost a concerning amount of weight.
While I was there, I discovered that he has been using hard drugs, too. 💔
It completely broke my heart. I don’t know when it started, how long it has been going on, or how serious it is because he doesn’t want to talk about it.
I’m feeling lost and scared for him. I just want to see my brother happy, healthy, and at peace.
For those of you who have siblings struggling with depression or addiction, how have you helped them? What can I do to support him without pushing him away?
He doesn’t have a relationship with his father. We, his siblings, are the only family he really has, and I don’t want him to feel like he’s alone in this.

Please help this sister, I can’t be in peace if he is not good .

Food; his cake he just turned 29, 2 days ago.

Sardines, pickles, homemade tortilla chips and some garlic dip. I might also have some wine later, since I no longer breastfeed lmao. Also don't mind my english, it's not my first language, so I might make some mistakes.

I breastfed my daughter for a year, then I got pregnant with my son right away (it was planned, just didn't expect to get pregnant on the first try). Then I breastfed my son for 9 months and I fucking hated breastfeeding. So in the last 3.5 years, I'm pregnant or breastfeeding. I came to a breaking point a few months ago, when my baby decided to say "fuck sleep", he used to wake up like every 10-15 minutes every night, needs to latch to sleep, and then wakes up again as soon as I unlatch him. Basically I was his human pacifier and I hated it. 3 days ago I decided I can't do this anymore and gave him formula and he never even demanded to nurse again. He also sleeps better now.

I feel a bit guilty for not breastfeeding him for a year, like I did with his sister, but my mental health was in hell. I'm also sleep deprived and felt like my body doesn't belong to me anymore. I'm already in a much better place mentally, and my baby is thriving. He eats almost everything we eat, so it's not like he depends on the formula to survive. And even if he is, nothing wrong with that.

Now, some of the other moms make me feel like some monster for being happy for not breastfeeding anymore. One of them told me she breastfed her baby for 3 years and couldn't imagine weaning her when her baby wasn't ready. Like, good for you guys, but I just couldn't do it anymore. My body was exhausted, my mental health was suffering, and my kids needed me to be healthy and happy. No need to shame moms who didn't want to breastfeed anymore, or at all.

Am I really a bad mom for hating breastfeeding and for being happy that I no longer do it?

Ps.: also, I'm not shaming moms who breastfed for like 2, 3 years or longer. In fact, I admire them, just saying that I couldn't do it anymore.

For context I (24) am a Trans woman and for the most part I pass well with exception to a few of my mannerisms I’m still working on. I have been transitioning since last November and prior to that I considered myself a Cis male.

When I first started my transition, a lot of the women in my life would tell me that I will inevitably begin to become wary of men the more time I spent as a woman. At the time I took in their words and kept it in mind, but it’s mostly been sort of a back burner thought.

It wasn’t until the end of July this year that I began socially transitioning and actively presenting as a woman out in public and with my friends and family. During that time whenever I would go out as a woman, I would more often than not be surrounded by friends or family so I never really thought about the dangers of going out in public alone.

I wanna say in early August I decided to go walk my dog alone at a local park in the evening, there was a solid amount of people for the time of day that I went. I was fully dressed up, wearing a skirt a nice blouse, and had some makeup on and began to slowly notice how almost every single man I passed would be staring at my chest or ass, even if they were right next to their partners, which disgusted me. Towards the end of that walk, I got to a section of the trail around this large pond and realize the only people there were myself, and one of the men who had been eyeing me earlier, and at that moment was the first time I genuinely became fearful of a man and realized I no longer felt the inherent safety of being a man alone/isolated with another man that I had grown used to all my life.

Thankfully, nothing happened, but after that incident, being wary of men went from a back burner worry to the front of my mind. The best way to explain my thoughts now is that I am wary and fearful of all men the way I used to be wary and fearful of drug addicts, actively tweaking out. I feel like I never know what they’ll do until they do it and I have to constantly be on watch to ensure I’m safe.

My fear only recently solidified last week with a very shitty day, I was in therapy for the first time in a while and learned that what I believed was simply an uncomfortable sexual experience four years ago was actually me being raped, not even 20 minutes after that two men ripped my trans pride flag off my home, and three hours after that in the dead of night, a group of men with flashlights were skulking around my property.

So far my transition has been a dream come true and is easily on of the best decisions I have made in my life but the realities of what being a woman is like and my personal experience with being a woman has been eye opening.

Dinner: creamy chicken risotto pasta from last week

Well I didn’t plan on being a single mom this early on but here we are I guess 💀 seafood boil I made because I fucking deserve it.

For the past 2 years the man who I thought was my sweet best friend has been hiding his porn addiction and lying to my damn face the whole time. I worked 2 jobs while pregnant and busted my ass for our baby so he could do the bare minimum and beat his meat every chance he got? Yeah no, got me fucked up. I’m only 22 and I ain’t finna live the rest of my life this way with my head on a swivel worried about what a bitch ass excuse of a man is doing. How the fuck could I stay with someone so weak minded they’d choose porn over being a good partner, provider and father? I’m chillin off that and I’m not going to give my daughter that example. I’d rather be in the trenches by myself than be gaslit, manipulated, and lied to. I can’t believe I put up with the shit I did but at least I’m cutting my losses now and only spent 2 years, not 20. I at least got the most perfect baby I could ever ask for out of it and she’s the exact motivation I needed to kick my ass into gear so I can give us the best possible life- obviously no one else is gonna do it for us. Here’s to hoping this motherfucker can still step up and be a decent father figure 🙄 but now he can do that from his mother’s house.

For context - I have been with my husband for 12 years - I’m 30F and my husband is 31M. We got married last year at the end of the summer and moved in a couple of months ago after I wrapped up my grad school. Even when I was about to get married my gut kept telling me that something is off, and I brushed it off. During the 11 years of LDR I’d tell him that I didn’t feel desired by him enough, and that I needed him to take more initiative, but he never really corrected his behaviour despite repeatedly promising him to do so. No initiative in bed or outside, I feel like his flatmate who cooks and cleans and washes his clothes. Now that we are in person - he chooses to spend his time in front of the TV, or playing video games and never really initiates anything on his own. I keep thinking that I should cut my losses and should leave before kids even become a part of this equation. Am I being unreasonable?

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/YZQ4VrUuQR

Well ladies, i did it. It was a terrible, gut wrenching afternoon, but I broke up with my partner. Due to life, we have to continue to live with each other for the foreseeable future. There's no way around it and it's going to slow our separation, but today, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If I can end things with my partner of 7.5 years, you can too 💜

Pic is a recent taco dinner, it was great

I got out of a relationship with my ex about a month ago, and honestly, I’ve been feeling a bit lost since.
Long story short, he wasn’t a good boyfriend in a lot of different ways. He did just about the bare minimum, if that, and never really made me feel taken care of. He never wanted to take me out for dinner or do anything outside the house. He was always happy just sitting at home smoking weed. He also had issues with his girl best friend, who was horrible to me, and the whole relationship was just a mess, to be honest.

I finally left, and it’s not necessarily that I miss him, but I miss having a person. We were quite attached for months, so it feels strange suddenly not having that person in my life anymore. It almost feels like a part of me is missing.

I know all the usual advice about keeping yourself busy, spending time alone, finding hobbies, and learning to enjoy your own company. I know those things are important, and I am trying. But I think the hardest part of this breakup has been coming to the realisation that I genuinely don’t think he ever really cared about me the way a boyfriend should.

We broke up at the start of September, and his birthday was a couple of weeks later. A few days before, I reached out because I knew he probably wouldn’t be doing much, and I ended up going to see him. We actually had a really nice day together, but the night before, he told me about meeting a guy while out and how they’d apparently talked about having a threesome with me. I sort of went along with the conversation at the time, but deep down, I knew there was no way I could do that with an ex so soon after a breakup. I’ve had threesomes before, so it wasn’t about that; it was about the context and the respect I felt was missing. I couldn’t imagine suggesting something like that to someone I’d recently been in a relationship with, and the fact that he could bring it up so casually really stuck with me. It made me realise how differently we viewed our relationship and how little consideration he seemed to have for my feelings.

I think he cared about having me there as someone to lean on, someone who would support him and be his girlfriend. But looking back, I don’t think he ever really loved me in the way I loved him, or genuinely wanted to show up for me. And that’s a really painful thing to come to terms with.

We broke up because we both wanted to focus on ourselves and the relationship wasn’t working, but I think what hurts the most is realising just how little empathy and compassion he showed me throughout it all. He had drug issues and family issues, and I was always there for him through everything. He lives two hours away, and I would regularly travel by train to see him. I put so much time, effort, and energy into that relationship, and looking back, I honestly don’t think he put much in at all.
And I allowed it to happen because I wanted a boyfriend. I wanted to be loved, to have someone, and to be happy. I think I lowered my standards so much just to hold on to that, and now I’m left wondering why I accepted so little when I know I have so much to offer.

I’m attractive, funny, nice, and sociable, but since the breakup, my self-esteem has taken such a hit. I’ve been feeling ugly and just generally not very good about myself, which is frustrating because I know, logically, that I shouldn’t feel this way. I know my worth shouldn’t depend on how one person treated me, but it’s difficult not to internalise it sometimes.

I want to start exercising again, get back into doing things for myself, and just generally start feeling better. I actually cleaned my room yesterday for the first time since the breakup, which might sound like such a small thing, but it felt like a step in the right direction.

I think I’m just struggling to find the motivation to get myself back on track. The weather is changing, I feel a bit lost, and some days it feels like I’m trying to find strength when I don’t really have any.
So, I guess I’m wondering: how do you start rebuilding your self-esteem and feeling like yourself again after a breakup? How do you motivate yourself to get up, exercise, look after yourself, and start enjoying your own life again when you’re feeling so low?

I’d really appreciate any advice, whether it’s little things that helped you, routines you got into, ways you learned to enjoy being alone, or just anything that helped you remember who you were before a relationship.

I just want to start feeling like myself again.

Dinner: Seared salmon, soft boiled eggs, sweet potato and a radish salad with a caesar dressing :) x

Dinner is mac my boyfriend made!

Recently I ran an ultramarathon. That’s 50 miles, two back-to-back marathons, an entire day of just running. As they say, everyone’s running from something, but some take it farther than others. Yes, therapy would’ve been cheaper, but I had to do this.

Y’all remember my boyfriend? This is him: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/comments/1wr9s18/my_boyfriend_tells_me_every_day_and_i_never/

He flew 600 miles to help me get through this race. The night before, he stayed up late to make four boxes of macaroni and an entire pot of spaghetti. (IYKYK—these races can burn up to 4x a normal day’s worth of food.) Then he got up at 3 in the morning to help me pack.

I strained my hamstring at mile 2, and I’m pretty sure it was torn by mile 20. Still waiting for a medical assessment. Anyway, I was in so much pain with every step that I was limping down the road, sobbing, eating cookies—the only thing I could digest. By mile 45, I was close to losing consciousness. I was ready to give up just five miles from the finish.

My boyfriend looked at this injured, crying, delirious woman and decided there was no way she was quitting now. He hopped out of the crew car and had to chase me for almost half a mile uphill to catch up. Once he did, he grabbed my hand and ran with me through pitch darkness, despite his own knee injury. He carried my snacks and reminded me every few minutes to drink water. He played the songs he’d prepped, all running-related, to boost the mood. He crossed the finish line with me, grabbed me, and kissed me, then held me up while I hobbled to the car, still crying.

Since then, he hasn’t stopped telling me how proud he is of me and how grateful he is that I “let” him be there. I couldn’t have done it without him, but every time I say that, he insists I could and all he did was watch.

The morning after, he showed me the boys’ chat. They were hyping us up. My boyfriend had sent them a selfie I barely remember taking (mile 46) with the caption “she’s still smiling and she’s almost done!!” Plus a wall of text about how incredible the experience was *for him.* Not how he’d made it through to help me and he was glad it was over—but how much he loved getting to be there with me, and how much the most physically brutal day of my life only made him love me more.

He signed up to race the 50-miler next year. So did I, for some misguided reason. This time he says wants to run beside me the whole way.

My post hit #6 on girl dinner diaries. I got a lot of comments that gave me a lot of tough love, and my sad girl responses got downvoted (rightfully so).

To clear the air, I was definitely because emotionally manipulated into staying for years, and as much as I want to be I am not a strong kick-ass girl who knows her worth.

Actually it can take 7 attempts to leave a toxic relationship. It took me 7 years of trying at least once a year to leave, so I am just another statistic.

But this time we are officially done. For the first time I finally reached out to my community, friends, and my family seeking support and I am getting the support I need, which was NOT easy.

So why did I stay for so long? For context I am born and raised Alaskan; it is not an easy place to live. I am from interior Alaska so the coldest part of Alaska- and heating oil is $6+ a gallon, food is expensive, and he always plowed the driveway. It was easier to stay than be alone and survive, but I have finally realized I didn’t need to survive alone.

One of my really close friends is going to become my roommate, so now I don’t need to worry about being homeless. He’s done- officially to move out starting tomorrow. After he cheated on then dumped me, he immediately left to go to seattle with his parents.

What hurt me the most is that his parents were basically mine, since I had a terrible relationship with my parents for years (starting to get better over the past couple years). In the end- even though they treated me like a daughter- they still took his side in the end.

So i am officially done and not going back

Strawberry, banana, Nutella crepe from a local spot.

I’ve been with my amazing husband for 11 years and after trying for years we are so excited to finally begin our own family!