Hello Reddit, I’m new here as this is my first post so please spare me.

I(f20) am addicted to watching people eat food? I don’t know if I would even call it an addiction to be honest. Growing up throughout middle and high school, I have had an interest in watching people eat food. Most people know this as food ASMRs. For the people who don’t know (just in case), foodies or food influencers post videos of eating foods like seafood boils or fast food, basically anything edible/able for human consumption.

I have suffered with eating habits since I was in middle school, as I was picked on for my weight and physical looks. At several points in my life (and currently) I have acted on the habit of not eating everyday and feeling guilty when I do. So to fill that void, I watch people eat big portions of food. I strangely find comfort in it & enjoy it. I see different cultures prepare food and see how different their food is compared to the food here in the US. For example, this can include Japanese and Asian cuisine. It’s intriguing to see different diets of food being consumed, whether it’s a healthy meal or not.

I feel so embarrassed when people hold my phone and open it up to my socials or YouTube being filled with meals getting prepped and/or eaten. I try my best to hide it from everyone and I feel incredibly ashamed. I’ve tried to stop watching these videos by resetting my fyp’s on my socials and YouTube, but they keep coming back when I watch simple recipe videos or anything correlated to food.

I do not find watching people eat sexual in any way, rest assured. I just don’t know what to do about this issue. Is it weird to be intrigued by such a thing? I feel like I have this issue or “hobby” due to the fact that I have a silly logic in my head, which is this: “if I watched them eat, that means I ate too”. What do I do, Reddit? Should I stop watching completely? Should I find better ways to cope with my eating issues? Am I really that weird? :(

EDIT: Feel free to ask me any questions and I will answer whenever I can!