I'm sick and tired of the discrepancy between martials and casters.

I have my own tower, diamonds, gold, fucking servants to attest to my every whim, I could make a woman happy forEVER BECAUSE OF IMMORTALITY! But NO

All the fighters and barbs can get laid and get married, and I'm over here on the other side of the marital divide.

I point out to women that I COULD have specialized in enchantment magic, COULD HAVE MIND YOU, and DIDN'T! but they just look at me like i'm some kind of creep!

I SAID I DON'T SPECIALIZE IN ENCHANTMENT MAGIC! WHAT DON'T YOU GET?!

Then they say they want to see my spellbook or they're calling the cops like as if those guys could do anything to me BUT APPARENTLY SHE'LL JUST LET THEM FUCK HER BUT WHATEVER.

How do I cope with this divide? It's like we're not even meant to play the game.

I'm really hoping you guys can help so I don't have to head over to r/inspell

For starters we all know that most martials (rangers, paladins, r*gues, monks) do not fit with the initial design goals of Dungeons and Dragons (otherwise they would be in the white box) so we can just go ahead and axe those (which will fix the tone of you setting). From here we should really acknowledge that most fighter (or fighting-man as they should be called) subclasses get way too much magic, which will again ruin the tone of your setting and stray from the sacred pursuits of beer and pretzels. As we know that limiting character choice is the best form of worldbuilding we will be cutting all of them and replacing them with the following subclass, which has passed all of the most rigorous wotc design testing standards.

Tough guy
As an action (a full one mind you) you may gain 1d6 temp hp. This may be used a number of times equal to half your proficiency bonus (rounded down) per long rest.

Maneuver
As an action you may ask you DM to do something cool on your next turn. The DM can (and should) prevent you from doing anything that would lead to you dealing any more damage than you would with a regular attack or moving any further than your movement speed would allow, but you can describe it in a cool way (as long as its not some anime bullshit) if the DM decides it would be too cool you waste your action.

Fast guy
At 7th level you can teleport up to 30ft as a bonus action. You can use this a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus per long rest. This is NOT MAGICAL and is entirely derived from your fighting-man's masculine power.

Epic crit
At 10th level your crits are epic, when you get a critical hit roll 1d4 and consult the table:
1: nothing additional happens
2: your opponent gets -1 AC until the end of your turn
3: if there is another creature adjacent to your opponent you deal 1d4 cleave damage to them
4: you roll a 3rd damage die

Fortress
At 15th level you build a fortress and get a bunch of henchmen, which will be very fun to manage in combat. As intended the logistics of this system are up to the DM, but they must give you this arbitrarily upon reaching this level, and must adjudicate a system for it that is separate from the bastion system. If you have enough henchmen you may also force your DM to create a mass combat system from the ground up to suit your new needs as a member of the local nobility (which you also must become no matter how much it alters the narrative). Any troops you have arbitrarily refuse to go into dungeons (where your adventures should be).

Special technique
At 18th level you gain an additional fighting style feat. This should be pretty nuts because now you can swap between archery and one of the worse ones whenever you want.

This should wrap up any questions you whiny babies have about how "martials" (fighting-MEN) used to get it done without any "half-caster" or "superiority dice" lily-livered hogwash.

Announcement never mentioned anything about polar bears in this dnd game, and I joined the game, joiningthegamingly.

"Too bad you didn't specify it beforehand in chat", said to me DM during session 0, polarbearingly.

Pictured: the ideal martial player in the middle of taking a turn once the book of our dreams is finally released. Just give him sixty or seventy more minutes; he finally has a satisfactory number of options to ponder, and watching him enjoy that is gonna be so much fun.

My uncle has confirmed that the book is definitely coming out, hopefully before 2030. So we can all rest easy, no one really needs to keep posting about it now. In fact he told me that if people keep being annoying about it, maybe they won't publish after all. So let's all chill out, and before we know it we will have all the OP subclasses, lengthy feat trees, huge AOE weapon attacks, flashy fencing maneuvers, highly specific anime moves, and gruesome dismemberment we want.

Level 3: Force Warp
When you choose this subclass at 3rd level, you gain the ability to channel and wield the Force, allowing you to spend 2 Ki Points as a Bonus Action to teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space that you can see.

Level 6: Forceful Strikes
You have gained further understanding with the Force. At 6th level, you can now use your Reaction to add 1d4 Force Damage to any of your unarmed strikes or attacks made with monk weapons. No, this feature does not scale.

"Cool quote about the force."

- Minor Character from the Prequel Trilogy

Level 11: Improved Force Warp
At 11th level, you have become attuned enough to the force that you can now call forth your abilities with the discipline of a true Jedi. Force Warp now only requires 1 Ki Point to use.

Level 17: Lightsaber Combat Training
By 17th level, your training with various forms of lightsaber combat has become nearly instinctual. Choose a fighting style from the Lightsaber Combat Forms table on page 120. This feature is honestly really well designed and the whole reason you chose this subclass, but your campaign will fizzle about before you ever get to use it.

I joined a game and it was neutral

The rules of DnD say that everyone should roll dice for any action, from hard to very easy. If anything is unclear then the dice should roll, as per the rules.

If you don't make them roll the dice, then you don't respect their choice to make a character with high constitution. Why take it if you don't die from a heart disease automatically?

You also should make your players to regularly take medicine to prevent any health issues. Anyone who has a heart should think of what medicine to take and where to find it. If the player is an idiot, they will die from a heart stop.

Simultaneously, the GM should roll for any event that has a chance of happening. For example, when they walk around the city, they can fall a religion check and trigger a biblical apocalypse. Just for example. Or the false vacuum collapse happens. The players should be stupid less and listen to what the GM says more.

If we exclude checks for anything that happens less than with 1% then half of the skills will lose their meaning. In reality, the possibility of new t triggering apocalypse by praying is 99.9% when you pray in a church. But in the game the roll is needed because the roll itself creates dramatic tension. Roll for triggering apocalypse by praying wrong is not a mathematical probability, it's a theatrical gesture so the players feel that even the smallest things can go wrong.

As a GM you decide probability of the roll with the die no larger than D100. The die decides everything and the GM can roll any die, make any situation, give any consequences. Because the one and only rule of DnD is "DM is always right". If the moron players went to the church if everyone's backstory doesn't mention praying to the god of this church and they don't have high religion skill, you should make the difficulty of praying right 15-20. In this situation, the moron players trigger the apocalypse and die.

Everything in the real life a billion tiby events might happen every second so rare events accumulate. In D&D, in a 4 hour session, the die is rolled 30-40 times. This selection isn't representative.

Situation with the chance of 50% can not happen for years if you roll the dice once a month.

Situation with the chance of 1/10⁶⁸, like false vacuum collapse, can happen on the first game because it's a single roll.

I know this might sound weird to some of you, but in my YNY group, we don't really use range, other than "unlimited" of course. My groups has a lot more focus on the high brow stuff like dramatics and storytelling of YNY instead of the traditional dungeon crawling, so we value the tedious twerking a lot less. It's just so annoying to side quest for like 100 gold pieces and your grandmother's rave outfit.

I was just wondering, does anyone else do this? The only range my group uses is unlimited and you are only unable to target something/someone if it is in Orcus's digestive tract or something. I'm just curious if this is a common thing.

To sum up the problem: because i am an absolute genius one of the friendly NPCs in the campaign's "hub" village is actually, get this, EVIL. Her goal is to control the town from the shadows using her bird familiars while manipulating the players into killing her sisters for a specific ritual. However, the players grew suspicious of her very early on, partly because they know are capable of recognising basic plot hooks and patterns in fiction. They are now following the story but are highly suspicious of her, especially since I have shown her acting suspiciously and doing bad things, and for some reason they are reacting to this. I’m looking for ways to allay their suspicions while still having her manipulate them from the shadows, because it is spoiling my epic story moment when she reveals she is evil if they are capable of intuiting from paying attention to the game the story which I have apparently foreshadowed effectively.

I joined a dnd game and it was good

Hi everyone,

Need urgent advice on dealing with a toxic group. My players have discovered a game-breaking exploit: teamwork.

Every single time one of them has to roll a d20, someone at the table immediately screams "I use the Help action!". The worst part? They’ve gotten sickeningly good at describing how they help in a realistic, narrative way, meaning I have no legal ground under the Geneva Conventions to deny them.  

Yesterday the Rogue went to pick a lock, and the Bard said: "I hold a torch steady and whisper words of emotional validation in his ear." Boom, Advantage.

The Barbarian wanted to lift a portcullis, and the Fighter said: "I grab the other side and lift with my legs." Boom, Advantage.

The Wizard made an Arcana check, and the Cleric pointed at a diagram in an encyclopedia. ADVANTAGE AGAIN.

They are effectively perma-rolling with advantage and it’s completely ruining my ability to throw arbitrary obstacles at them. D&D 5e is supposed to be an adversarial dungeon crawler where the DM slowly grinds the party's spirit into dust, but instead they're acting like a disgustingly functional team.  

I’m considering a homebrew fix to rein this in:

Taking the Help action forces a DC 18 Constitution save. On a failure, you take 3d6 psychic damage from being perceived.

Does Pathfinder 2e fix this? I heard Aid takes an action, a reaction, a DC 15 check, and your firstborn child just to grant a +1 circumstance bonus, which sounds rightfully punitive.

I joined a dnd game and it was bad

Hello everyone. I'm GMing my epic homebrew 1-20 level campaign and I hate my players.

This adventure should be about players destroying a dragon cult from within by any menas possible and cutthroat politics.

Unlike many modern GMs, I value time of my players so I didn't waste it on such things as "session zero" or "campaign concept". I just invited people who told they were interested in trying DnD and told them to come to my flat in 4 days.

As my players are adults, I expected them to behave like ones and create characters without my assistance. I was happy, when 3 out of 4 players came with prepared character (that guy made excuses like not knowing what the adventure will be about or similar soy nonsense, so I kicked him out of the party)

The problem is, my players weren't playing right. They were supposed to play coverts cultist assassins on the service of one of the dragons, but all of them decided to be lawful good and decided to join the Koodging kingdom in their war against dragons.

Right now they are making plans how to fight the king of dragons on the airship they are building. One player has drawn a mini comics with their characters bantering aboard the ship. This is not what their characters should have been doing, how do I teach them they're playing wrong without going OOC which would break the immersion of my dark and realistic world.

please tell me how great my dndrpg meme about other dndrpgs like white-ish wolf-hounds's FATAPTFOC (FANTASY ADVENTURE TO ADULT PATHS TO FIND OF CTHULHU) 2.7E is and how I, a connoceur of the reddit rpg and Alma Mater am clearly better then them.

Today, my feed decided to cook, but sadly, there was no Rogue slander video. Also, yeah, I'd smash the Granny Cultist.

Hey everyone!

I’ve had this ridiculous-but-genuinely-awesome character idea floating around in my head for a few months, and I’d love some help bringing him to life! The basic concept is a sorcerer who specializes in arcane magic based on the menu of McDonald's. I know it sounds silly, but I want to play him as a legitimate dark fantasy character, with the same level of lore, atmosphere, and magical weirdness as any other serious fantasy character. I want to make it clear up front this is not a joke character.

His magic revolves around burgers, fries, nuggets and other common fast food items. I want the magic to feel genuinely powerful, unsettling, and creative rather than like a collection of joke spells. Also, I want his primary summons to be based on the Hamburglar and Grimace. In terms of a personal goal, I think he's on a quest to find parts to fix the broken McFlurry machine.

Want to say once again that this is a totally serious idea.

I’m looking for advice on how to turn this concept into a playable character, including:

• What class, subclass, or combination of homebrew mechanics would best represent Ronald?
• How could I build a balanced homebrew sorcerer focused on fast food, cholesterol, and summoning?
• Are there existing D&D spells, subclasses, or third-party supplements that could serve as a foundation?
• How would you develop the lore behind Ronald's origins and personal quest? How would you incorporate the actual McDonald brothers and/or Ray Kroc as figures in his past?
• Where would you recommend commissioning someone to create a custom character sheet or help design balanced homebrew mechanics? Price needs to be no more than that of an extra value meal.

I’m open to ideas, suggestions, and constructive criticism! I’d love to make him mechanically interesting, thematically cohesive, and powerful without being broken... in short, a character that will make me say "I'm lovin' it!"

Once again not a joke, please don't be assholes and makes jokes, I am super cereal about this you guys. (I'm just using cereal as an expression, this isn't some kind of breakfast food-themed character, that would be ridiculous.)

So one of my players is playing a plasmoid, completely fine and I'm all for the weird kinks. The problem is I have absolutely NO IDEA on how to have the creatures/ scenarios affect him since he has 1) no nose and 2) no brain

I have a concept regarding killing him but I can't do anything to the plasmoid cause again, no nose and no brain.

Sorry champ, your fantasies are cringe and misplaced. In D&D what you're gonna get is this guy. He can also have some rope and a 10 foot pole (not pictured). That and his wits and the power of friendship are all he'll need to conquer the world. Who could ask for more? God, I bet he smells amazing too. If your martial fantasy isn't fulfilled to completion by this, you're just in the wrong genre. Play something else—a baby game for whiny babies, perhaps—and leave D&D to the true warriors and manly men it was meant for.

I had a thought as I was thinking up a dragonborn character, do you think dragonborns (of the gold, silver, and copper verity) could sell their organs for currency. If so how/what rules do you think should be in place for such an idea? I was thinking maybe useing a masons tools plus caepentry tools (or maybe for each, the main point is to do damage.) Again any thoughts or ideas to add to this?

Sauce of inspiration