I (16M) have a crush on another guy (16M) and don’t know what to do about it

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

Before I start dinner is actually a breakfast of two fried eggs on two slices of sourdough (before the ketchup was added) made by my dad.

So for context I’ve known I’m bisexual for nearly 4 years now but most of my crushes have been girls and I’ve only ever had girlfriends.

So I started back from school after summer not too long ago and pretty much immediately meet this new guy who I share most of my classes with. And I immediately start crushing on him (pretty hard tbh). But even though we sit quite near to each other the atmosphere is pretty awkward.

However I have no idea if he likes guys at all and all my close friends that I’ve told are mostly convinced he’s straight. But I definitely feel something between us as when I was staring at him the other day he just started staring back and smiling at me. I also added him on Snapchat over the weekend and just sent a casual text but all the texts he sent back were really awkward.

I just feel like I can’t keep this feeling in anymore, as every time I liked a girl I just told her and it wasn’t nearly as awkward as this. All my friends that I’ve told have said that I should move on but I’m really not sure about it because I just want to talk to him and find out if he actually likes guys, or if he likes me , or if he’s just straight. But if I tell him I risk the situation being really awkward.

I also don’t know if I do tell him whether to do it online or in person as both situations are awkward, or when to tell him as his birthday is later this week and I don’t want to ruin it for him.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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[u/brielcritter]

Hey, dude. I think giving the situation a bit more time for it to develop and get to know each other would be a good choice. That also would establish some trust to be open about your feelings with less awkwardness. I would also add that, if you are comfortable and it's safe for you to do so, being open about your sexuality would probably create a safe space for him if he happened to be queer as well. I'd say mention it casually (that you are bi) and see how he reacts. Best of luck to you<3

[u/totallyedgyandunique → u/brielcritter]

This 100%. Being a young queer person is tough, and OP should definitely wait to get to know this person better for a while. Either he's not into guys and it could be awkward, or he is and could be awkward trying to feel safe to express that.

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667 → u/brielcritter]

Yeah I’m probably thinking of doing this now. Thank you so much for your advice.

[u/DaneAlaskaCruz → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

Yeah, I agree with the advice above. Try to hang out and spend more time with him first.

Might feel awkward to blurt out that you like him.

Instead, invite him to an activity. Seems like you have interest in common, so think of something that could be fun.

And make a group activity with a bunch of other people to make it less awkward. This will give you both a chance to get to know each other outside of school.

Wishing you luck, bro.

If you haven't seen it yet, watch the Netflix TV show Heartstoppers.

Your post was giving me the same adorable vibes as the TV show.

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667 → u/DaneAlaskaCruz]

Thank you. I watched heartstopper over the summer after being recommended it by a friend and it’s one of the best shows I’ve watched and it really helped me understand things about myself.

[u/cerunnnnos → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

When I was your age I found it really hard to distinguish between friendships and romantic crushes as a gay guy. They're really close things on our end: my partner is actually also my best friend, which is kind of what you want tbh in a relationship.

But the whole outing yourself thing, and handling your friend's own feelings respectfully can be super challenging, and some times confusing. Go slow. Be yourself. If stuff happens, be respectful and ask for consent. It may not be his thing, and be ok with that and be honest with yourself about it, too.

[u/Greedy_Birthday_3494 → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

you got this lil bro, rooting for you.

[u/Winter_Box_1162 → u/brielcritter]

YES!!!

[u/Helen-Keller-Ubers]

Best to just be open that you're bi and see if he is comfortable with that before telling him you like him.

[u/Wesley11803 → u/Helen-Keller-Ubers]

This is the best response. OP is clearly out as bi and comfortable talking with friends about it. I’d find a non-awkward and very casual way of bringing up that you’re bi, and see how he reacts to that.

[u/andrewellay]

Time will tell. There’s nothing wrong with developing a solid friendship in the meantime. Knowing him better will only help you see if the feelings go both ways. And if they don’t, hey you still have a good friend.

[u/Ok_Philosopherr]

Yeah..I’d confirm whether he’s gay/bi or not before doing anything

[u/datQuwface]

Honestly you’re probably better off staying friends until you know for sure if he’s interested in guys.

It’s a tough question to ask especially if you’re not out.

You’re young yet and have plenty of years to grow and learn.

[u/ToptenRubs]

Either you will regret that he didn’t reciprocate your feelings or regret that you never tried. Choose the regret that you can live with or even better have no regrets, be happy that you tried and gave it your best.

I will also add that you haven’t expressed any difficulty getting to know a girl more or express your feelings. I feel that your concerns are only concerning you because they are a man and not because of any other reasons.

I think it’s great to understand your bisexuality at 16. I think it’s hard to not let what others may think not inhibit or limit what you want to do. It is one of the hardest thing any person ever has to do.

[u/Billyconnor79 → u/ToptenRubs]

Find common interests before you dive into the topic of sexuality or attraction. Keep in mind that even if he returns your affection or attraction it may be much harder for him to come to terms with it or even realize that’s what’s going on. Everyone handles self-awareness somewhat differently. So try to build friendship on a foundation of mutual article or outlook—just day to day stuff. Then as time goes on you’ll have a better sense of whether he can handle a conversation about attraction.

[u/cronchyleafs]

As someone who identified as bisexual, since the age of like 12, this is exactly how I damaged friendships with a lot of people I still wish I had in my life. Even if you end up dating, they will probably end up an ex, then you still can’t be friends bc it will be weird.

We don’t have to act on every crush or sexual feeling we have. It can lower your quality of life. But nobody will actually tell you this because they want to affirm you.

[u/DelectablyTired → u/cronchyleafs]

Hey, also a bisexual here 👋. Don’t be so pessimistic. Relationships come and go, including friendships and loves. If there’s a time to act on crushes it’s when you’re 16. And any mature person knows that there’s nothing wrong with having a crush and acting on it. The worst case scenario is that the other party says no, and you get to move on with your life and stop obsessing over someone. It sounds like you’re repressing your own sexuality because you feel like it’s brought you nothing but broken friendships in your life, but as cliche as it sounds, it’s important to be yourself. Keep loving, and keep experiencing.

[u/Ongvar → u/DelectablyTired]

In OPs scenario the worst case is they say no, the friendship is ruined, and their social life likely gets harder lol

[u/DelectablyTired → u/Ongvar]

It doesn’t really seem like there is a friendship between them though? Maybe the potential for one, but it sounds like OP just recently met this person. And I don’t think his social life would tank because he was rejected by someone who everyone in his friend group knows he has a crush on. That’s just my point of view though, I could always be wrong.

[u/Ongvar → u/DelectablyTired]

Well, I guess potential friendship* and the social life aspect is more so due to being school age

[u/gibbonguy420 → u/Ongvar]

like 20% of gen z is bi now. given how he’s talking about it you are 100% projecting your fear onto him

[u/Ongvar → u/gibbonguy420]

My best friend in high school was gay, the first dude he asked out said no and outed him to the school lol. I'm just speaking from what I have seen in my own personal experience, and understand why someone might be hesitant to potentially give the wrong person that info.

[u/gibbonguy420 → u/Ongvar]

that’s exactly what i’m saying, dude. all of this kid’s friends know he’s bi and love and support him. he has a different life than i did and that your friend did. all we can do is be happy for him

[u/cronchyleafs → u/gibbonguy420]

You’re using this kids temptations to bolster your own self righteousness. There’s lots of bi people in the comments citing their own experiences and disagreeing with you.

[u/gibbonguy420 → u/cronchyleafs]

“temptations”? girl, i think you have some shit you need to work out. this is a 16 year old with a crush, it’s the most normal thing in the world. i hope you can get better

[u/thisdude415 → u/Ongvar]

Pretty hard to have a productive friendship with someone you have a massive unrequited crush on, too, though.

[u/angyfrogs → u/cronchyleafs]

As a bisexual (heavily preferring women) guy here i really agree with this. Its unfortunate ngl

[u/totallyedgyandunique → u/cronchyleafs]

This is not true. It's totally possibly to be friends with an ex, it just depends on how good you are at conflict resolution, as well as how the actual relationship goes. I'd say you are more likely to remain friends with an ex than keeping highschool friends for life

[u/jpatt → u/totallyedgyandunique]

Yeah, but then you have a new partner down the road and they get jealous of the friendship you have with an ex. So you can still end up in a situation where you have to choose between a friendship or love.

Just because you can maintain a platonic relationship with an ex, it doesn’t mean there won’t be negative outcomes in the future.

[u/ImprovementSimilar19 → u/jpatt]

This is also subjective tho. Im friends with an ex, and ive never dated a partner that was jealous of it. Me and my current gf and my most recent ex gf have both been out with my ex wife and her husband. Ironically enough, the ex wife was really jealous when I was with her. But (now that im grown, I was young when married to thw jealous one) if I see toxic stuff like that, im not gonna keep dating that person. They have some things to work on still and ima just complicate that.

[u/cronchyleafs → u/ImprovementSimilar19]

We don’t maintain friendships with exes out of respect, not because of jealousy. Your spouse should never be given the opportunity to be jealous of an ex.

[u/ImprovementSimilar19 → u/cronchyleafs]

Hey, you do you man. Ill do me. What works for you doesnt always work for everyone, and thats ok. Me and my partner do not feel that its disrespectful, so noone else can really judge our relationship over that. And theres plenty of people like me and plenty like you. I co parent, but we still do things together as the adults outside of pickup/drop off. Hell, I hang with the husband too. But I respect your opinion for your relationships man.

Edit, woman! Didnt pay attention, but i use man like dude. No offense intended.

[u/angyfrogs → u/cronchyleafs]

1000000% this.

[u/thisdude415 → u/jpatt]

Specifically for queer relationships, it's a lot more nuanced. I have been at, e.g., a birthday party for a gay man where half the room has hooked up with the birthday boy and almost everyone in the room has hooked up with someone else in the room who is not that person's current partner.

Some level of jealousy is normal, but it's a choice to let it end friendships rather than trying to understand where it's coming from and work through it.

[u/cronchyleafs → u/thisdude415]

To most people, that is a toxic dynamic. Having sex with all your friends is generally frowned upon.

[u/thisdude415 → u/cronchyleafs]

Having sex with all your friends is generally frowned upon.

By whom? Stay in your lane; no one asked for your moral judgement or whether it makes you frown. It's not your place to tell other people how to live their life.

I'm simply sharing a fact about how some other people live their lives. I am not telling you to live your life that way.

At my age, me and all of my friends have decades of history. Some regrets. Some good decisions and some bad ones.

In the course of trying to find a partner, you date around and get to know people. This process takes time and you date a lot of people along the way.

I think it's a lot more toxic to say, "oh, we went on a few dates and hooked up so I have to avoid this person forever! my partner will be so jealous because we had sex 4 years ago!!!"

A secure partner recognizes that everyone has a history, and that you're together now, that your partnership brings you joy, security, and growth, and that's what matters.

[u/cronchyleafs → u/thisdude415]

Personally, I wouldn’t be encouraging a 16y/o boy to be participating in that behavior. Everyone’s different tho!

[u/-_____------ → u/cronchyleafs]

I was in a similar situation when I was 16, and totally agree with this

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667 → u/cronchyleafs]

I mean my last relationship ended pretty badly and I ended up having mental health issues. But that was about a year and a half ago and I feel like I’ve grown so much since then and feel like it would be the right choice just to tell him as deep down I’ve accepted it’s unlikely to lead to anything.

[u/gibbonguy420 → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

this woman is a profoundly bitter ex-queer. i won’t tell you to listen to me over her or anyone. you know your position best. but you should know where she’s coming from. i don’t know if it’s religious bigotry or something else, but it’s not neutral

when listening to advice here, it’s worth thinking about who sounds like they’re living the kind of life you want to live.

[u/cronchyleafs → u/gibbonguy420]

Please don’t speak on my behalf, thank you.

[u/cronchyleafs → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

From everything you said, I vote don’t do it.

[u/Cultural-Company-570 → u/cronchyleafs]

Well, a great deal of what you said is true, but there is the other part of the spectrum which is that so many people bottle it up and wake up at 30, 40 or 50 having not taken any chance and not have experienced things in their youth they should have.

First loves and relationships are training wheels for life and later relationships too.

[u/cronchyleafs → u/Cultural-Company-570]

The exact opposite also happens. Acting on homosexual thoughts in your teens, then later regretting it.

[u/Cultural-Company-570 → u/cronchyleafs]

Just as I said, those are the two ends of the same problem.

[u/Welland94 → u/cronchyleafs]

I understand this, but hey 99% of the people you date will end up as exes, or just don't talk anymore but that shouldn't close the door to try

[u/thisdude415 → u/cronchyleafs]

Eh. As a gay man, this isn't how it works for at least a significant subset of us.

LOTS of gay people stay friends or at least friendly with their exes, and this is especially true for casual dating / hookups. (Obv messy breakups still happen and these do not result in friendship)

In fact if the gay men I knew excluded everyone they ever had sex with from being their friend, we'd all have a lot fewer friends.

[u/OystersNwine]

I think the key is don’t point blank ask him what his sexual orientation is because that is so forward and could risk scaring him away. Rather, find out what he likes and bond over those interests and try to get to know him on a deeper friend level where that awkwardness disappears. Then when you have more access to his inner thoughts, naturally, you can figure out in a subtle or a roundabout way for example maybe you’re watching a movie and ask him if he thinks certain actors or actresses are hot.

[u/Cultural-Company-570 → u/OystersNwine]

This is also a really really good advice. Hopefully you have some common interests for the two of you to bond over.

IMHO Nothing would be better than to have a chance to do a common activity together, inviting him on a hike, asking him to help you volunteer for a cause or anything where you get to be together, bond but not directly focus on your relationship so much as to jointly work towards a common goal, which simultaneously builds your relationship.

[u/OystersNwine → u/Cultural-Company-570]

Thanks I’m glad you agree. I think the activities you suggested are so wholesome and a great way to get to know someone better, be it friendship or eventual romance! 💝

[u/Visible-Reality2492 → u/OystersNwine]

Yeah, don’t do this either.

You either like him as a friend, or you like him romantically. Unfortunately, it’s hard and sometimes traumatizing to do both at once at a young age.

This just comes across as manipulation to gain trust imo.

[u/OystersNwine → u/Visible-Reality2492]

I don’t see it as manipulation at all. Better to gain a solid friendship than to lose a potential friend just because there was a chance at romantic and that agenda got too pushy. I see it as win-win because even if they eventually pursue each other romantically, some of the best romantic partnerships started with a solid friendship foundation where people had the opportunity to truly get to know each other without the complexity of the romantic.

[u/Cultural-Company-570 → u/Visible-Reality2492]

Well let's agree to disagree, shall we?

You either like him as a friend, or you like him romantically.

I can't imagine a heathy relationship the foundation of which is not friendship, can you?

You think it's nothing short of manipulation to get to know someone better before you turn a crush into something more meaningful?

Isn't it traumatizing to be scaring kids away from making friends and creating bonds before commiting to something?

https://giphy.com/gifs/MP4MWhVddBBMYBzXFq

[u/foxesareamazing]

How well do you actually know him? It doesn't sound from your post like you've actually spoken much?

And how were his replies to your texts awkward?

If things are awkward between you it's unlikely to work out. So I'm not trying to give you false hope, but sometimes even when someone likes you back it can be awkward at first before you get to know each other, which is why I'm asking.

Also getting to know him better would give you a better idea of whether it's worth telling him. From what you've said I don't think telling him right now would be a good move.

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667 → u/foxesareamazing]

I mean i only really met him like three weeks ago so I don’t know him that well but I do know basic things about him like what sport he plays his family/ pets etc and I genuinely believe he’s got a really nice personality.

About the texts I was kinda trying to start a conversation and his responses were kind of short so I don’t know if he was nervous or not interested, but from what I’ve heard from others he’s not really good at texting anyway

[u/foxesareamazing → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

My best friend is the worst texter in the world but also has a really nice personality, so yeah, that happens!

Talk to him more in real life, get to know him better. Three weeks is no time. Maybe then when the time is right find a way to see how he feels about you being bi (if you're out) or about queer stuff in general if not, but just getting to know him better might give you some answers.

[u/fiernze222]

Gay here who has had crushes on MANY of my straight friends.

Just be friends.

As you get closer you let him know if you still have feelings.

Best case scenario he returns them and you date and it's cute.

Medium case scenario, if he's a good friend he'll say no but you continue being friends.

Worst case scenario, If he's a bad friend, he says no and the friendship is ruined (also a good thing because that means he was a shitty person inside)

It's literally a win win win.

I am still friends with TONS of my straight friends who I crushed on in the past.

[u/Overall_Message_321]

Just notice the ‘crush’ feelings …just because a feeling pops into your head, doesn’t mean to have to act on it. Become a quiet observer of your feelings. Even keeping a private journal of your thoughts and feelings would be a good idea.

At your age, feelings run hot and heavy. A lot of young people get into a lot of hot water not knowing how to handle it. Just a few years ago, you were a kid, and now along comes puberty and wildly fluctuating emotions!

Learn to chill ….be the observer….notice….

For now just be friends…something that could turn into an amazing (even lifelong) friendship can get smushed under a tidal wave of unbridled emotions….

Move step by step, respecting his feelings and yours…

[u/Pied_Film10]

Don’t have any advice, just wanted to say this was a wholesome post compared to what I usually read here.

I can offer some advice in friendship though. As a man who is often confused for being gay when he’s straight, be straightforward with your sexual orientation prior to coming onto him. I’ve had many relationships end because men would befriend me in the hopes of sleeping with me and would never come clean. Please don’t ever be like these people, and best of luck to you. Hoping for great things!!

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667 → u/Pied_Film10]

Thank you!!!

[u/Welland94]

I have two questions, first of all, are you out of the closet? Because if you are not and you try to go for it this will make it public for everyone to see either because once the secret is out of your control, everybody will know.

Second, when you say that his messages are awkward what are we talking about? He sends memes or says weird things? I don't have a lot to work with but makes me think that he is trying to dismiss you when you chat with him.

If you are out of the closet and/or you feel that is a safe environment to come out, just go for it. If some of the awkwardness makes you feel that it's not convenient it would be better not to try because it probably would cause more harm than good.

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667 → u/Welland94]

I’m out of the closet to my extended friend group but pretty sure the majority of my year group knows so I feel completely comfortable doing it.

Most of his messages were just very short and abrupt. And I don’t know if that’s nerves or because he’s not interested or if he doesn’t know me that well. But what I’ve heard from people he’s known for longer is that he is not very good at texting anyway.

[u/Welland94 → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

Then go ahead, not much to lose and everything to win. As for the message, a lot of teenagers answer with haha, okay or lol, don't think is something to worry

[u/The_Red_Brain]

This definitely feels like a situation that would be best played out as friends first. The friends to lovers thing is a trope, but sometimes it works.

[u/Lost_Paladin89]

Look. The easy way to do this is to ask him this way. “Hey a friend of mine kind of has a crush on you, but he is nervous to ask cause you know, he is a dude and doesn’t know if you are into that”?

If he gets pushy wanting to know who in a way you don’t feel confident or comfortable saying “oh cool, I’m the friend” then say it simple “sorry. He is still in the closet and I don’t want to out him too much”

As a fellow bisexual, my gaydar is broken, I only pick up closet cases and straight guys. I want to say “it gets easier” but I still fall for straight men.

[u/thisdude415]

You've had tons of responses already but I figured I'd chime in as an elder gay dude (35)

Your new friend might be straight, bi, or gay. Even if he's into some dudes, he might not be into you. Even if he's into dudes, he might not be ready to date a dude. Even if he currently understands himself to be straight, you might be his first guy crush that causes him to question that.

Sexuality and attraction are confusing like that, and doubly so when you're earlier in your life and still figuring yourself out.

Rather than confessing that you have a massive crush on him, you could start with an unambiguous compliment that conveys your interest like "I think you're really cute." There's also the slightly ambiguous bro-compliment (I think you're a good looking dude). Some sort of harmless compliment like that gives him an easy way to reciprocate ("thanks, I think you're cute too") but also a relatively easy out ("thanks bro but I'm straight").

From there you'll gauge what actually matters in this situation: not whether he's gay/straight/bi, but rather, what he thinks of you specifically.

Best of luck dude!

[u/mothsuicides]

I’m an adult woman but I am bisexual so idk, take my advice with a grain of salt.

I’d do my best to keep the crush a secret cuz the school year just started and I would distance myself from him if I were you so the crush doesn’t get stronger and become impossible to keep.

The chances of him being at the very least bi-curious is low, and the stakes are really high. Are you out or closeted? If closeted the risks are even higher. High school is so hard to deal with on a daily basis and if you create “drama” (it’s not actually drama but to others it would be seen as such) it will be really hard to get through.

If you just cannot fathom keeping it a secret, and you feel like you’ll explode (hormones are SO SO hard to ignore), then tell him online so that way it can be a secret if he wants it to be and he can process it on his own. There’s a chance he’s never considered same sex attraction, and may need time to think about it and doing it online is easier for him to do so. In person, you may get a more volatile reaction. That’s my opinion, again, take it with a giant grain of salt.

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667 → u/mothsuicides]

Thank you so much, I’m out to my extended group of friends but pretty sure most people know and I’m comfortable with it. I think you’re probably right as I do feel like I have to tell him but I might just wait a while and see how it goes.

[u/jjnanajj → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

Honestly, i wouldn't do it online. We dont know if he or someone around him is a jerk who can use this to share, bully, expose, blackmail or manipulate you both. Could be a nightmare.

Also, looks like is not very much of an online chatter, and apart of tones and subtexts may be misunderstood when written, we dont know who might have access to his devices and social media. Maybe his siblings or parents? This can put him in a awkward or even unsafe situation. Preserve yourselves.

I am old, but I really think that important things or things you don't want to be shared to everyone should not be dealt online, you are just a screenshot away from a headache. I always give my younger relatives this advice, hope it can be useful to you.

[u/gibbonguy420]

i don’t understand why people are being so discouraging. i see a lot of people who i think are probably traumatized themselves from their experiences being queer in high school and i see some people who i suspect would much rather you just wait til you find a nice girl

op, you know your own situation. it sounds like you have a really supportive school environment and friend group. it makes me so happy the thing you’re most afraid of is things being awkward. please don’t let these people make you scared and small.

and for all the people who are telling you not to throw away a friendship—it can take longer than three weeks to become friends. but if it’s been a while, you’re talking regularly, you both seem interested in talking to each other, but things don’t feel like friendship…

the best advice you’ve gotten is to find a way to come out to him and see how he responds. i think a lot of people here don’t know that like 20% of gen z is bi.

best of luck ❤️

[u/Alarming_Carpet2667 → u/gibbonguy420]

Thank you for your support it means a lot.

[u/gibbonguy420 → u/Alarming_Carpet2667]

have you thought of getting himself something small for his birthday? a little treat or a pack of pokemon cards or something. you might be able to learn a lot from his reaction. and it always makes me happy to do a little something nice for someone i have a crush on regardless of where it goes :)

[u/Smooth_Marketing5353]

Twin this is a canon event try to get an ease on whether he’s actually straight or not and if you genuinely cannot tell I would personally say leave it alone. It’s really not worth agonizing over it.

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[u/carmelburro]

I don't know all the context of where you're at, but it sounds like you have friends and family that are cool and supportive. You also don't have much of a relationship with this guy it sounds like, so there's no friendship to screw up. So, I'd say shoot your shot, the biggest risk is that they don't swing that way. Either way you'd get some resolution.

And personally, I'd either do before or after the birthday and would do it in person. But I'm an old so I dunno if face-to-face or over text matters that much these days.

[u/Javisel101 → u/[deleted]]

Op is 16. He should not be on Grindr

[u/PersimmonDazzling654 → u/Javisel101]

Thank you for catching that; I had forgotten by the time I was replying

[u/LtSerg756]

Give it time, even if it turns out to be reciprocal you should get to know him properly before trying something stupid

[u/Party_Scholar_6308]

I would say give it time. Being awkward is something that's really easy to pick up on.

[u/-ghostinthemachine-]

There's 'love' and there's 'limerace', those overwhelming feelings, the growing obsession, the desire to share your feelings or have them reciprocated. It's a cycle that usually completes when you finally tell the other person and find they don't feel the same way. That urge to get it all over with can be more tempting than keeping the crush at all.

I would try to ignore those feelings, do what you would do for a friendship or a relationship normally. Get to know them better, including sharing and inquiring about their sexuality. See where things go, and then make an informed decision about whether to pursue them.

The biggest struggle at this age is that everyone is still finding themselves and so there isn't always a straightforward answer to questions of love or lust. You just have to go with the flow. Become a flow bender, for yourself and others.

[u/profoundshift]

I’m surprised by the level of fear in here of being awkward or weird. Dating is all about learning to get comfortable with uncomfortable feelings. And learning to filter for possibility instead of risk.

[u/Puzzleheaded_Net9816]

i’m a gay guy, and I had a few crushes on guys around your age. It was tough because I felt like I couldn’t be as honest as someone who liked girls, and that made me even more nervous. there was this one guy though…. I had THE biggest crush on him, and I was almost positive he was straight.

So, I just decided to be his friend. And we became super close. He eventually ended up moving away at the end of our sophomore year. It broke my heart. I told myself I would regret not telling him how I felt - do I did. I told him I had feelings for him, that I loved him.

He smiled, sadly, and said “I know.” And we hugged, and he left. We never got together, and we never actually saw each other again after that.

I don’t regret any of my choices though. At the end of the day, I loved being around the guy and he ended up really enjoying being around me too.

Here’s my advice: just breathe. Feelings grow, feelings change. don’t feel like you have to do anything. See if you guys click as friends, maybe you will. maybe you won’t. either way, take your time! people say life is short, but you got a lot more of it left than the people who say that lol.

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[u/Logansam1986]

man im so glad you have friends that know the real you and support you. Good for you.

[u/Candid-Bee-5919]

learn to hold the tension you will be happier. that's how things get time and space to develop.

[u/Several_Ad4886]

is it better to speak or to die? in my gay boy high school crush experience it’s always better to speak. never really know what somebody is thinking about just make sure you are safe and not in danger

[u/Cosmo0011011]

I had a similar situation in high school. Only difference is that i never got the courage to go up to him and meet him. And i regret it. Looking back and knowing what i know now the best thing to do is be yourself around him and be honest with yourself if you actually like this guy or is it just the looks? If you guys become friends he wouldnt care if your bi or not. If he’s a good guy he wouldnt care if you had a crush on him. I think you two should first get to know each other before you come out as having a crush on him. Be kind to yourself whatever happens.

[u/p0undt0wn69]

My thought is, what do you have to loose? It sounds like you're largely out, and have some good friends to support you, so I think taking the risk and saying something along the lines of "hey, this might be a little off base, and I don't even know if you like guys, but I am developing a little crush on you. I'm getting a vibe that you might feel the same, but if not, no hard feelings at all." Worst case he says no, and best case he says yes and you see where things go.

[u/MMBEDG]

Start by getting together to study or see if he wants to hang and play games or a movie start a friendship go slow

[u/relationshipissues28]

Hey I’m super late to this, but I wanted to echo the comments about both 1.) being casually open about your sexuality around him, assuming you are with others and 2.) get to know him a bit more. In my experience especially when I was your age (27 currently), if you think there’s something possibly going on trust your gut. But don’t jump into it immediately as you don’t know where he’s at with his journey. And also just be prepared for possible frustration or disappointment if he isn’t at the same point as you right now. That was the case with my big crush back then sadly. Pulling for you man.

[u/jjnanajj]

Try to bond with him in every opportunity you can. Create these opportunities. Be chill, open, friendly. Make sure he knows he can trust you. Ask about his friends, family, habits. These stuff will lead you to know what is the best time and way to talk about love interests or make a move on him (or not).

Do you watch/read BLs? There are lots of high school BLs and these boys have both pretty great and bad ideas to get closer to their crushes 😂. Maybe it can inspire you. (Make sure to look at the age rating, there are some dark and heavy bls 18+ that I wouldnt reccomend even for adults).

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you :))

[u/EmeprorToch]

31M Gay here

My boy. My dear sweet boy. This is a classic learning experience that all of us Queer people go through. I won’t say what to do or what not to do in terms of pursuing a relationship as mostly this is going to be a hard lesson that we all must eventually navigate in our own….

However, what i will say is respect his boundaries as much as he respects yours. Don’t assume that a small smile and a short staring contest is indicative of feelings more than friends. As you grow older, you’ll find that a lot of people can send mixed signals and it depends entirely on how you receive them. A person being friendly, kind, and overall a nice person does not mean that person is in to you. Romantic feelings go beyond that.

A crush is a crush, its a cute little thing that makes you think “what if?”, but its never to be taken as reality. You don’t know if this boy likes boys but all your friends are saying he’s straight. That tells you right there that your feelings may be interpreting things differently.

Just be open. Be yourself. The rest will fall into place naturally.

I wish you the best of luck ❤️

[u/Existing-Society-172]

Hey, Im 17m bi too. I had a similar experience with my bf, I'd just recommend that you get to know him and see where to go after that. Just know that it will all work out for you!!!

[u/NotABreakfastGuy]

"hey, I'm making all my friends pride keychains- got any specific flags you'd like me to make for you?"

^ this is my favorite way to figure out if someone is queer. You can clarify why someone is using a flag if they ask for it - "oh, I didn't know you were bi", "no it's for my sister"/ "oh, yeah".

Gauge his response to this, if hes queer and responds well tell him, if not then try to move on

[u/AlternativeDonkey605]

Focus on school and sports/hobbies and maintain your friendships. Way better for you in the long run.

[u/AMonitorDarkly]

If others around you are convinced he’s straight I’d let this one go.

[u/Fit-Rhubarb-7820]

It’s ok to be bi, and to have gay/lesbian feelings.

Just tell him “it has come to my attention… that you make my heart race!”

[u/CampaignSuspicious59]

Not gonna lie, I was in this situation at your age. I’d start being a bit more flirty on snap and see how he reacts. In my opinion most dudes at that age are willing to experiment even if they aren’t gay or bi. If he reacts well or is even responding keep going or see if yall can hang just the two of you.

[u/Curious_Sail2702]

16M and already a bis 4 years ago? What are these kids from these days wtf, enjoy your childhood…

[u/TootieSummers → u/[deleted]]

I would tell you to just come out of the closet but just like women, we don’t want you either

[u/AlbertEpstain69]

Salt and pepper

[u/iblateregard]

Wear a condom!

[u/totallyedgyandunique → u/[deleted]]

Gtfo with your religious homophobia and hatred. The only thing that leads to a life of destruction and heartbreak is hating people for who they are, AKA being an insufferable hateful unlikeable person. You need to step away and re-evaluate what you're doing with your life and your beliefs, you should be ashamed of yourself

[u/SenorMudd → u/[deleted]]

Ya OP, ignore this bigot. Ppl like this and their opinions aren't worth ur time. Growing up gay, best I can say is that dating is not easy for us but you need to focus on what makes you happy because people come and go in your life. I wish you luck!

[u/datQuwface → u/[deleted]]

Not cool

[u/No-Insurance-5688 → u/[deleted]]

I love you brother but i have to be real with you your religion is not applicable to other people and the things you believe in are genuinely harmful and lead to destruction and heartbreak. I will be praying for you to find atheism in your heart and to not be so taken in by losers on youtube.

[u/Mission-Airport-5085]

I would continue through life without needing to assign status towards anyone. You’re 16, no need to rush towards a relationship unless you’re ready to find someone to spend the rest of your life with.

maybe use this time to finish high school, identify a career path, and let your feelings for people settle into the appropriate priority for someone your age.

what I mean is, we’ve taught our youth to date for the sheer purpose of what? just dating? Culture needs a shift where we only date to find a life partner, not a spring fling. trust me it’s not worth the headache or experiences. like another commenter said, why hurry to establish Ex’s. you’re going through a pivotal moment in life where relationships or curiosities have no business derailing progress.

just my $0.02, take it or leave it

[u/General_Assistant]

Youve been "bisexual for nearly 4 years" and your 16...? uuuuhh 🤔