r/BeAmazed • u/AugustIstheMonth • Aug 01 '26
History The death mask of Napoleon Bonaparte, French Emperor. This is the most authentic depiction of his features we possess.
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u/LokiSubstance Aug 01 '26
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u/Username524 Aug 01 '26
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u/67yoloswag Aug 01 '26
''You're a Spotter, Harry''
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u/GregTheMad Aug 01 '26
We have billions of investments into AI, entire ecosystems get ruined for their datacenters, only for them to post shit like this.
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u/MaxxDash Aug 01 '26
“I know exactly what the top comment will be…”
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u/MilkiestMaestro Aug 01 '26
My internet is slow today and the gif was taking a bit to load. Enough for me to get angry in advance because I already knew exactly which gif it was gonna be. I am satisfied.
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u/leemasterific Aug 01 '26
My boyfriend thinks Jennifer Garner looks like Handsome Squidward and it gets to me a bit
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u/Mediocritys_finest Aug 01 '26
I see the Prometheus guy
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u/Satansleadguitarist Aug 01 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/ff75L6XFn77RS
When nobody remembers that your name is actually John Prometheus
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u/cncomg Aug 01 '26
But not one person ever remembers Bob 😔
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u/leemasterific Aug 01 '26
I used to watch Prometheus and Bob all the time as a kid, but now it scares me. Idk if it’s the animation, the background noise, or what. I still love Kablam though, but especially Action League!
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u/ignatious__reilly Aug 01 '26
I was the only one on Planet Earth that loved this movie. I thought it was awesome.
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u/Satansleadguitarist Aug 01 '26
I really like it if I pretend it's a standalone movie. I just don't like it as an Alien prequel.
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u/AbekobetaHawawa Aug 01 '26
The best part of the movie is when John said “IT'S ENGINEERIN' TIME” and engineered all over those guys.
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u/segal25 Aug 01 '26
Related to Woody Harrelson?
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u/GooseGosselin Aug 01 '26
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u/wthulhu Aug 01 '26
Can we keep this about Rampart?
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u/Anxious_Software_461 Aug 01 '26
It's an old joke, but it checks out.
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u/br0b1wan Aug 01 '26
I was here when it happened. In the AMA. It's surreal knowing how long ago it was
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u/ZippyDan Aug 01 '26
It's an old reply, but it checks out.
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u/blue_dusk1 Aug 01 '26
This is check out. Either buy something, or step aside for paying customers.
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u/Jellodyne Aug 01 '26
Or Matthew McConaughey
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u/suckercuck Aug 01 '26
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u/Xenoman5 Aug 01 '26
Theres a good chance Woody and Matthew are half brothers. Woody’s dad and Matthew’s mom both liked to sleep around and they’re from the same area and knew each other. Matthew refuses to take a DNA test because he loves his dad and doesn’t want to know he might not be his son.
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u/ILikeToDisagreeDude Aug 01 '26
And Woody’s dad was a hitman or serial killer? That’s got to count for something as well…
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u/macnchz85 Aug 04 '26
More than one of the McConaughey kids, not including Matthew, are apparently not their father’s biological children. He’s said his parents often broke up and his mom came back to his dad pregnant sometimes. And she’s admitted one of the times she left she hooked up with Woody’s dad. Matthew was the next baby born. So…?? It’s hard to tell because Matthew looks like the male version of his mother-he has her every feature. But if you had to pick, he looks a lot more like Charles Harrelson’s mug shot than he does his dad.
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u/Specialist_Worry_875 Aug 01 '26
Or William Fichtner
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u/Marcaloid Aug 01 '26
Definitely my first thought! Had to look up "Who played the FBI agent in Prison Break", couldn't for the life of me remember his name.
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u/NailSufficient1491 Aug 01 '26
He had been wasting away for a long time up until his death. He died of stomach cancer, same as his father.
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u/Longjumping_Youth281 Aug 01 '26
Didn't he lose Waterloo in part because he was having stomach pains and couldn't really think well? I feel like I remember hearing that
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u/PrinceSpotless Aug 01 '26
Yeah, this was a big factor too, that’s why his orders that time were less refined, far from the military genius that most people knew.
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u/Hypnooooooooooooo Aug 01 '26
What were they eating in that family that caused stomach cancer?
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u/PrinceSpotless Aug 01 '26
It’s mostly hereditary. Other than that, it was probably the fact that Napoleon liked to rush his meals, military diets aren’t really the healthiest, not to mention the stress from being exiled couldve worsened his symptoms.
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u/Hypnooooooooooooo Aug 01 '26
Chew your food well, kids.
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u/No_Engineer8143 Aug 01 '26
Huh? Really? How does the affect you? Genuinely asking.
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u/Raise_A_Thoth Aug 01 '26
https://scienceinhealth.com/2025/09/29/chewing-and-digestion-gut-health/
Now I don't know if these symptoms actually contribute to stomach cancer or not.
A cursory skim of the American Cancer Society page did not provide an obvious link between stomach cancer and the problems claimed to be alleviated by proper chewing.
https://www.cancer.org/cancer/types/stomach-cancer/causes-risks-prevention/risk-factors.html
So someone else with more expertise on this than I have will have to clarify.
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u/cursedwithplotarmor Aug 01 '26
Of course, Thoth comes in with all the right answers. Sheesh, save some look-smarts for the rest of us!
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u/IronMonkeyofHam Aug 01 '26
My Grammy always reminded me of this. “Chew 30 times and swallow”
I’ve started devouring food quickly again over the last couple years, nothing bad will happen, but I’ll keep this ‘chew more’ advice in mind. She must have known something about the stomach cancer when she was growing up
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u/StalinsLastStand Aug 01 '26
My Grammy was always giving me advice about swallowing too, but yours sounds more widely applicable.
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u/Thejollyfrenchman Aug 03 '26
She might have just seen people choke on their food before. Wasn't that long ago that we didn't have CPR or even the Heimlich Maneuver, and best practice if you saw someone choking was to slap them on the back, which does basically nothing to help.
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u/Wgolyoko Aug 01 '26
Heh if anything exile must have been pretty stress-free, compared to fighting all of Europe. Six times.
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u/PrinceSpotless Aug 01 '26
Not to a man who’s obsessed with glory and had lived his life basking in it
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u/Froggy2345 Aug 01 '26
To me, I cannot picture Napoleon as any other than the guy who loved Water loo, devoured the Sundae at Ziggy Piggy and who was excellent to Bill and Ted.
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u/maniacalmustacheride Aug 01 '26
Christopher Heyerdahl!
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u/rossrifle113 Aug 01 '26
Jesus fucking Christ this is from the only episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? to give me nightmares. You jumpscared me 😂
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u/ImperfectAuthentic Aug 01 '26
"Everryøne calls me the Swede, bøt I am actually nørrwegian."
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u/nope_a_dope237 Aug 01 '26
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u/moon_safari_ Aug 01 '26
Handsome. Next thing you’re going to tell me is that he ain’t a little guy
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u/They-Call-Me-Taylor Aug 01 '26
Actually… he was apparently average height for the time. The myth he was short is from a political cartoonist at the time that gained traction.
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u/RighteousRambler Aug 01 '26
Important context! That made him short for an officer cause the average person not that well fed.
So not a myth just relative.
Like being 6 foot in the NBA.
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u/Flimsy_Site_1634 Aug 01 '26
In the very specific context of Napoleon, it's the opposite phenomenon, for the same result.
The Imperial Guards were carefully picked on a plethora of criteria, like length of military service, good discipline, irreproachable sense of morality, being literate... They also had to be 1,76m tall for the grenadiers and 1,73m tall for the chasseurs, while Napoleon was 1,68m tall.
Since the grenadiers were usually the ones close to the emperor, and on top of that, they wore the same fur hats as today's British guards (like literally the same, they were looted at Waterloo on the imperial guard's body), they really appeared as giants, making Napoleon feel small.
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u/BannedFromDankMemes Aug 01 '26
And relative to the imperial guard, members of which had to be quite tall. Meaning he looked way smaller when surrounded by them.
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u/br0b1wan Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
Fun fact: he was French in name only. He was born on Corsica the year after it was ceded to the French. He was ethnic Italian. His original language was Italian and he didn't learn French until he attended boarding school at Autun at a young age. He spoke with an accent most of his life and his military mates often ribbed him over it. His parents were minor Corsican nobility; their names were Carlo and Letizia. The original spelling of his name was Napoleone di Buonaparte
Edit: Lots of pedantic responses below that are oddly misinformed and ignoring contextual history. But that's reddit in a nutshell for you
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u/Ancient_Sky922 Aug 01 '26
I guess you could say he was French in name only but he grew up there from very young being sent to school at 9 in mainland France and only visiting Corsica again for brief periods
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u/Tin_Sandwich Aug 01 '26
They're also ignoring the fact that Corsican is considered nowadays to be a language in itself too, and that he already knew some French before Autun. Almost like Corsica has a complicated history of being both Italian and Autonomous, and that claiming he was Italian and not at all Corsican or French is just as weird as saying he was just French.
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u/hidden_secret Aug 01 '26
Even if Corsica was only recently a part of France, I'd say being born and raised in France isn't being French in name only.
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u/motes-of-light Aug 01 '26
"He wasn't French, he was just born in France and spoke French from a young age." Fascinating.
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u/iamnearlysmart Aug 01 '26
he was French in name only
In name, he sounds a little bit Italian. Not sure which region.
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u/Zealousideal_Act_316 Aug 01 '26
He wasnt, french inches were longer than british inches, so same height was smaller number in french inches. Brits didnt do conversion on purpose to mock him. He was average height for the time.
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u/Tropicalfisher Aug 01 '26
He was average height for the time period, and was subject to an immensely successful smear campaign
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u/Marvl101 Aug 01 '26
Main thing is that they used french inches which are longer
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u/mike_pants Aug 01 '26
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u/Lebowski304 Aug 01 '26
It does have a bit of a Demi-god appearance doesn’t it? I’m not gay, but I can recognize the symmetry or whatever
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u/Cptawesome23 Aug 01 '26
So the paintings were all wrong?
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u/-OooWWooO- Aug 01 '26
Several of his paintings are accurate but you have to keep in mind he shed a ton of weight dying from stomach cancer in an era without feeding tubes and IV fluids.
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u/anon1mo56 Aug 01 '26
Yeah, he had cachexia when he died. People should look up how people dying from cancer look like.
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u/EroticPotato69 Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
But it also shows that some of the depictions of him in his earlier years, when he was much more athletic and handsome, are actually not entirely propaganda. Dude was clearly a looker in his prime, which would have added to his natural charisma. (I am not saying he was a good person, just that enemy propaganda about his looks was clearly wrong)
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u/elafave77 Aug 01 '26
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u/Capraos Aug 01 '26
Thank you. I couldn't for the life of me place who it reminded me of. Owen Wilson. That was driving me crazy.
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u/Varastax_ Aug 01 '26
Heard he wasn't actually short
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u/InvestigatorNo4820 Aug 01 '26
Converting to meters, he was approximately 1.67 meters tall, which is slightly taller than the average height in those days
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u/No-Cardiologist7640 Aug 01 '26
He looks stronger than than he's been portrayed in the past, at least in my opinion.
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u/The_Best_Yak_Ever Aug 01 '26
Looks like Dennis Hopper as The Deacon from Waterworld.
“As you can probably see by the arterial nature of the blood issuing from the hole in my head, we’re allll having a lousy day…”
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u/CountBart Aug 01 '26
I saw this (or at least a version of it) in the Lever Art Gallery on the Wirral in the UK. Lord Leverhulme was apparently a big collector of Napoleonic artefacts.
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u/Then_Version9768 Aug 01 '26
Now we can see that Napoleon compared to half a dozen modern actors and no one else is further proof of my contention that most Redditors are 14 or 15 years old. What? No superheroes?
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u/FallenSisyphos Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
A remarkably disciplined nose reminiscent of the nasal guards on medieval European knight helmets or a knights straight sword. High prominent cheekbones give his face a distinct character. The brow and eye region project intensity and focus and while his jaw and chin are strong without being oversized. Every feature is harmonious yet commanding extraordinary presence. Even in death he gives the impression that his eyes could open at any moment. His angular bone structure conveys remarkable presence and authority.
That’s the face of a battle hardened, seasoned world class general. A man whose relentless discipline, ambition and force of will left an enormous mark on Europe. Yet beneath the stern exterior there is also a subtle calmness and introspection suggesting someone capable of both ruthless determination and deep contemplation and precision. His face carries the flaming confidence of a commander who bore signs of victory, responsibility inspiring loyalty and admiration in his soldiers. It is easy to understand why contemporaries spoke of the extraordinary presence he projected and why people like him leave an imprint on the masses and history.
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