I was curious (as a girl), if fingering a girl is enjoyable to men. Do you guys even enjoy the experience? Or is it just for the girl?

Growing up as a kid I would go to local swim club a lot and like many swim clubs the locker rooms had open showers and locker rooms.

The population at the place was mixed between older people and younger people, but a lot of the time older folks would come in and just use the water walking lanes in one side of the pool.

Whenever I would go into the locker rooms to use the restroom I would always see naked, older men just casually, having a conversation with each other while they were drying up and getting dressed.

Growing up and still to this day I see my body as private , personal and only to be shown nude to my partner.

Even as a kid I had privacy and if I accidentally walked into my mom’s room while she was changing she would quickly shoo me out.

Back to the original topic, I also work in custodial and I have to service a lot of restrooms and other areas , one of them being locker room restrooms that the scuba divers use then sometimes I walk into it whenever they are showering and or changing and once again they seem to have no issues being naked around each other.

And also how old are you?

A recent issue popped up in my extended friend group when one woman tried to reject a man using that phrase. He thought she meant she was too tired to go to dinner or a bar but they could still Netflix and chill. She meant it as she doesn’t want to date but they can be friends.

Almost all women understood what she meant. Guys 35 and under did too. Guys 36 and older got the same impression he did and thought she was giving mixed signals.

Wondering this because I have a lot saved up (about 60k) and I’m taking on a job that would allow me to save even more, and now i’m wondering What Am I Saving For? I could use this as a down payment on a house (I rent an apartment now), but times are changing, so what are some reasons those who can afford a house but don’t own have for staying a nomad?

Between adhd on her side, perimenopause, stress at work, our child and then dealing with me and of familial dynamics, my wife has little or no desire for sex.

There are things I do relieve pressure at home from laundry, cooking, pickups from daycare, taking our kid to swimming, tutoring and then also having childcare with our family. I know with everything going on with her, sex is just not a priority, but I don’t feel desired which is taking a toll.

When you find another woman beautiful, charming, smart or funny, do you stop yourself from engaging with her further or do you put boundaries for yourself?

Like do you flex your humour? Are you more quiet, flirty?

I find these days the few times I feel any real excitement is when have a vacation to somewhere new planned which is usually once a year at most but otherwise I rarely ever feel excitement at all in my regular life routine.

I think that is a problem because in my experience excitement is a huge factor in my energy levels and feelings of positive well being.

You always hear about a girl moving across the country for a boy. Wondering if any guys have done moved in the pursuit of love and can share their experience. How did it go? What was the end result? Any advice? Lessons learned?

Starting with me , 2016 I got my 1st Job as IT support engineer. I have been working hard and studying 14+hrs a day for 6 months straight with no time for myself, relationships and hitting my health badly.

I didn't do good at college and was completely spoiled during my college yrs , completed college with the lowest grade to pass

Prepared for interviews and skills , couldn't get any calls due to grade criteria in many companies, got my first call in June 2016 and went for interview, stayed whole day for 3 rounds for technical interviews and another manager+ HR round , ~100 people in competition

7 pm in the evening they announced the list of people who got selected and I was in it

I called my parents 1st that I got a job and after that I cried so hard in the vacant alley cause all the hard work and sleepless nights paid off , I could afford my expenses

Has been 10yrs now and I still remember that day

Plz halp

Getting to my mid 30s, and this has been setting in for me more and more with each passing year.

Single, no kids, no romantic partner. My life is mainly just work and home. That's it.

And it feels so goddamn pointless. Why am I working and for what? Maybe it's an existential crisis I don't know, but I'm trying to determine the best path forward.

Maybe early retirement? Just feels like there needs to be some greater purpose otherwise all of my energy fades away. Just not sure what to do.

35f, This guy 35m, we met on bumble three years ago.. he was working remotely, an hour away. I was nice to him. We had a superficial conversation about movies and stuff. I was starting to like him and he just moved away. Last year, September 2025 I had a therapist insist I apologize for karmic reasons. I thought it was stupid, I did it anyway. He moved here at the end of Aug, specifically in the town next to me where my parents live, he’s like 30+ minutes from them. 40+ from me- Weirdly in between ..

At the start of September, last month, he texts, I didn’t realize the symbolic coincidence of his choices. I was having a good time shrooming while camping when he reached out. When I met him he deflected a bunch and when he finally had his lucid vulnerability, he admits that he's been thinking and dreaming of me that he thought last year's apology was a sign. This guy was on verge of nearly passing out he said you must think I’m a desperate loser for showing up. And no one understands what he's doing, moving cross country. I was definitely annoyed but I was nice bc I do like him. He asked that we take things slow, there’s no rush.

whatever we go on one date and get coffee. He planned the date, and dropped a life resume. I ask that we slow down and remind him of his comment of taking things slow. I parked closer to the coffee shop and drove him to his car. I gave him a welcome bag from stuff around my place, books for work, health foods.. and a list of places for his hobby. This was all stuff he mentioned wanting during the reunion chat. (its not a big deal I already knew these places existed, we have a lot more in common than I realized) he was super grateful and the conversation was getting better between us.

finally. I can’t meet him on Sunday because I had to work that night. I offered to give him brownies bc I made them for this volunteer event. He declines and says we’re cool. We could do something later. I asked him if he wanted to meet up with the e yoga studio he found. I’ll be going out of town the upcoming week. No answer for four days.. I said something like if your not interested to meet on the days I suggested just say so. I don’t want to repeat the cycle from where you reject with silence—still silence. Two days later, I called in a good mood, just to check in … he apologized for his silence and I said yea, I forgot you just do that I shouldn’t have sent that last message, I’m sorry. I’m in a good mood and I just wanted to see how you’re doing. He responded, yeah, I’m not looking for a romantic relationship, I only answered bc I was waiting for my friend to call me. Can I call you later. My voice cracks. I said don’t bother calling … and ended the call.

Two weeks pass. I’m in a good mood. I called yesterday, Sunday. find out my number is blocked. I made an internet number and asked, what’s going ..why did you block me . He responded I didn’t block you and ended the call. I texted ::

Hey it’s 

This is my first time contacting you since our call two weeks ago… I don’t understand why you’d block me… or why you made your comment. We were taking things slow, there was nothing romantic from my side I was just being myself and polite… 

Correct me if I’m wrong, I feel like I upset you because I didn’t rearrange my sleep schedule to meet you Sunday.

I don’t understand why you’re acting so defensive towards me

My therapist thinks that you pushed me away with your mean lie bc you have intense feelings towards me … you don’t feel safe to articulate for a fear of rejection.

Idk why you’re acting this way. you’ve already did the grandest action of showing up.

I don’t get angry I just feel waves of sadness.. . I wish you’d just talk to me..

I also had many friends play these toxic games which is why I’m not fighting, chasing or whatever.. I prefer honesty it’s faster and easier

I just want to understand what changed .. Idk how to judge you

(I waited ten minutes)

You win. I’m done. There’s no need to block my number.. I changed my main number after you made your comment two weeks ago bc I was hurt and confused.

I’ll be deleting this number also. Good luck, I hope you stop fukking with people lives

****

(Believe me I did plenty to forget him and when I moved on he’s here… ) I feel dumb for responding to his message.
I expected him to spaz out maybe three months in but he did it in three weeks. WTF? Am I crazy?
my question:: why go through all this effort just to play these weird toxic games? Was I too nice to this guy? 

tl;dr guy moves to my town after two years of not talking. He read my apology that my hippie therapist insisted that I pushed him away. (Idk how being nice pushes some away) he returns a year later. I stupidly, still like this weirdo. We have a lot more in common than I remember. He plays hot-cold games and pushes me away by saying he’s not interested in a romantic relationship. blocks my number. I expected him to spaz out three months but he did it in three weeks. WTF? am I crazy?

I have been approaching the topic of gender-based discrimination and violence against women for the past couple of months, and it has made me much more aware of how others and I treat and view women.

However, I have found myself absorbing the idea that because women have faced discrimination for most of human history, that I should go out of my way to treat them at a higher level, beyond simple respect and dignity, and that I should perfect myself as a man before I can interact with them closely.

After interacting with someone, particularly women, I always replay what happened in my head to try and find any reason I might have made them uncomfortable. I constantly worry about being disrespectful, selfish, sexist, etc. It feels like I am taking an exam that I cannot pass nor will ever end.

My issue is confusing because in real life in real human interactions, I treat women normally and without issues, but I still internally freak out.

As women, we talk a lot about the fkd up things we’ve experienced, but I feel like I rarely hear men openly talk about the darkest, most difficult things they’ve personally been through.

So, men of Reddit, what’s one of the most fkd up things that has ever happened to you?