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u/drossmaster4 9h ago
Replace dog with kid and it’s the same fucking thing. I’m tired of being shamed for not spanking my kids.
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u/Notbob1234 8h ago edited 8h ago
The number of kids I work with that have an aversion to their own name is rather depressing.
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u/Whitestrake 2h ago
The worst part is they don't even know. They don't think "wow I really have an actual negative reaction to the sound of my own name". It's not conscious and it's not questioned because it's just the way their reality is. They don't know it's different for another person.
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u/raptorlightning 2h ago
And there's all the kids not quite there that just have an aversion to hearing their full government name. That might be normal though.
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u/RFSandler 2h ago
Who ever hears their full legal name when they aren't in trouble? That's one of the classic heavy weapons of the scolding parent.
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u/42Ubiquitous 8h ago
I generally view spanking as a failure on the parent. Someone encouraging it makes my view of them skew towards "lazy and uneducated." I don't even yell unless I'm looking for my kid. My experience with children is limited to 1 though. I'm sure there are outliers, but I think that will come down to a nature vs. nurture thing. 95%+ of kids don't require spanking if the parent has done their job. I wouldn't be afraid to tell those people that spanking is for lazy/uneducated parents, but I might do it in a roundabout way depending on my relationship with them and whether or not I truly thought they were lazy or uneducated, or deserved or benefitted from hearing it.
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u/drossmaster4 7h ago
Your response meant a lot to me. I try so hard and fail constantly as a parent of two young girls. I try and my wife does too but we fail constantly. I feel like the easy way out is fear based punishment. I won’t lie I yell. Not often at all but it’s always with a lesson. “I’m yelling because I’m scared baby girl, I don’t want you or someone else to get hurt…etc” but hitting my kids. Dear god. They’re tinny babies (6/3 year old girls) I can’t imagine hitting them. Oof. I was hit as a kid twice. Nothing major but I’ll never forget it or forgive it.
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u/soundbombing 8h ago
Well, don't worry about them. You're right, you shouldn't hit your kids... These people you're interacting with are dumb dumbs.
Spanking teaches them that when you're bigger, you should use physical force to get what you want. This is how bullies are made. Then what happens when they (a boy in this case) don't get their way with women when they're older? Worth thinking about.
Getting hit is not a natural consequence; there's always a disconnect between the thing they are being punished for, and the pain of being hit. It renders the lesson ineffective and only serves for the children being temporarily obedient to lazy parents. Long term, no good. Just trauma.
Also, what kind of knuckle dragging, unoriginal, unimaginative, non-thinker can bring themselves to raise their hands to their little ones. I'd do anything to protect mine, and these people are out here advocating for, and participating in, causing harm? Fucking dumb dumbs.
Sorry for the rant. A lot of this is close to the surface atm.
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u/drossmaster4 8h ago
I was so sad by the reaction from the group I was with when they asked if I spanked my kids after i told a story about how my kids were being shitheads at a work trip. Every single person asked why I didn’t just swat them. I just looked them dead in the eyes (all superiors to me) and asked “you think you’re teaching them something when you resort to physical violence against a defenseless child?!” And shockingly they all responded with “yeah how else will the learn?!” I was blown away.
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u/psychophant_ 6h ago
Omg. Type F in the chat for OP
I think his dad just found him and started whoopin’ that ass.
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u/angooseburger 7h ago
Nope. Kids after a certain age will find correlation with spanking and what they did wrong. Dogs rarely have the intellectual capacity to make that connection. Kids are dumb but they are intelligent.
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u/ProphetBlade 6h ago
Pretty sure the salient point being that if you call your kids over to you just to yell at them or spank them then all you're doing is conditioning them to fear the sound of your voice. It actually had nothing to do with whether or not your kids will derive a lesson from your beatings. In fact I think you two are actually in agreement here a bit - your kids WILL derive a lesson from your beatings; that lesson being that they'll be terrified of you.
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u/genivae 21m ago
If they're too young to know why you're hitting them, it's not going to work. If they're old enough to know why you're hitting them, literally any other method of discipline or education is more effective. And at any age it's abusive and detrimental to the parent/child relationship. All you're teaching them is that you're a person that will hurt them and can't be trusted. Or worse - that abuse is love, and they should tolerate abuse in their adult relationships.
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u/FoxxyPantz 8h ago
something tells me people who do shit like that don't consider the feelings or thoughts of their pets.
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u/ChrisKaufmann 5h ago
If my dog makes a mess on the floor, it's *my* fault.
If my dog comes to me when I call, he deserves all of the joy and positivity I can give him. Hopefully he'll do it again.
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u/ArentWright 9h ago
Careful how you use their name as well, if you want them to come when you call.
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u/TesseractToo 8h ago
Yeah it's like those people that fall off their horse and then they get back to the horse and beat the far out of it, that horse is going to be scared of you when you fall off and if you're far from home it's going to be a long lonely walk
Don't be mean to animal friends
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u/Festae13 6h ago
it's hilarious to me that stupid people think a dog will understand the words they're speaking because they themselves understand the word.
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u/pushaper 8h ago
if I walk towards the dog that is the same thing by that logic,
tone is what matters. My dog gets called by his first and last name in a deeper voice when he is in trouble.
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u/Headbanger 9h ago
How do you train a dog not to make a mess then?
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u/percivalidad 9h ago
I'm not an expert, but most things (people and animals) respond to positive reinforcement better than punishments. And most dogs are very eager to please their owners.
Your dog will come to the sound of your voice if they think a treat will be involved. If they know that you calling them will result in you hitting them, then they will be more reluctant.
So what mess has this dog been doing? Sometimes it's best just to remove any temptation the dog has. If the dog likes knocking over things on the counter, then don't leave things on the counter. If they like digging up flowers, then best to monitor them closely when they're outside. You can try putting them in "time out" when they've done something wrong, and reward them when they do something right. If they like chewing on your shoes, try to put your shoes in a location they can't reach. If they happen to get your shoes, take the shoes away and put them in time out. Give them a chew toy instead and give them a treat when you see them using it.
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u/nothing_rhymes_with 9h ago
Not an expert, just a dog owner but in case you’re serious: Crate at night and while out of the house if you can’t leave them outside with shelter from rain/cold/sun.
While at home and awake, keep them around you so you can see immediately when they start to posture and interrupt it. Give whatever negative feedback cue you’re giving in other training. Some people say not to use “no” as your cue but they really mean don’t scream at your puppy. I use “nope” because it helps me keep my tone neutral.
Clean thoroughly with a pet product when interruption doesn’t work to get rid of the scent cue.
Take them outside on a leash every couple hours and go to the same spot so they get a scent cue. Reward after they go with affection and a treat.
If you do get pissed off and react inappropriately, take their look of fear as your own negative feedback. Feel a little bad about it. Give them some affection to show you didn’t mean it.
This is arguably more work than abusing your dog, but from what I understand it tends to work faster meaning less cleaning and more freedom.
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u/Krash412 9h ago
If you consider that training, maybe caring for an animal isn’t the best fit for you.
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u/AriaTheTransgressor 8h ago
They made a mess because you failed to meet their needs. By meeting their needs (it's easier to schedule toilet times and watch for any signs they might need to go outside of those), they'll learn how to meet their needs themselves.
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u/Oh_yes_I_did 9h ago
When my dog gets out and roams the neighbor hood(rarely happens) I change my pitch to be joyful and inviting. When we see each other I crouch down to her level with arms open like a I’m about to give hug and she always immediately runs to me.
Intimidation and punishment is not a good way to make your dog want to come to you.