I just found this out and I'm heartbroken for both my son and for his adoptive mom. She has stage 2 breast cancer after previously having another kind of cancer years prior. She is going to have to undergo radiation.

My son is only 2 so too young to understand what's going on but I really, really hope he doesn't have to lose her.

My sons Adoptive parents are really, really nice people. They have taken care of my son so well. They're like family to me. It feels like, in a way, they not only adopted my son but also me (even though I'm an adult) as I don't really have family.

So this is really hitting me hard. I don't want my son to lose his adoptive mom. I don't want to lose her either.

If you were a child in an open adoption, did you know your birth mom growing up? What kind of relationship do you have with her now? What kind of feelings did you have growing up because of it? Any resentment or anger towards your birth mom? Are you thankful for her? Give me all your experiences and thoughts on this!

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So I’ll start by saying, my husband and I are nowhere near ready for any sort of child. This is just something we think of a lot when we look toward the future (at least a decade, most likely, as we are still in our early 20s). Despite that, like any healthy couple, we’ve talked a lot about what we want to do to build a family in the future. Pregnancy absolutely horrifies me. Even ignoring the terrible conditions for pregnant women in the U.S, the actual process and aftermath feels like body horror to me. I don’t feel comfortable with infants, and I don’t see that opinion changing.

What we do like the idea of, however, is adopting an older kid, 12 or up (I’ll explain why I put adopting in quotations in the title in a bit). We are well aware of the horrors that come from infant adoptions, and we would never want to adopt a child that doesn’t want to be adopted. I know America has a horrific history regarding adoption. I’ve read so much about people who were torn from their families and I don’t want to contribute to that. The big ‘however’ here is that the reality of CPS and the foster care system can be horrific. People don’t know their own medical history, they are shuffled about like property, there’s no stability or safety net for them, even when they have family that wants to care for them.

What my husband and I hope to do in the future is rescue at least one kid from that chaos. Part of why I put “adopting” in quotes in the title is because, depending on the kid, we don’t want to just act like their past didn’t exist. We don’t want to just adopt a 15 year old whose mom desperately wants them back but struggles to afford a safe home. Our hope is that if there is a teen who has been stuck in the foster care system, who doesn’t have family they want to go back to or even can go back to, who doesn’t have a safety net for when they age out and get thrown into the world… we want to support that kid.

It might help for me to bullet point our goals with adoption.

- Find a local teen/preteen who lacks a support system outside the government structures of foster care and offer them a stable home
- Provide said child with emotional and financial support to age 18 and beyond. Once they are in the family, I want them to know they have a family forever.
- Provide all available information to the child. I’ll get every court document, medical report, or police file I need to make sure my kid knows all about their past.
- If the child has family they want to reconnect with that the system refused to let raise them, find out how to reconnect and rebuild. I want that family, whether it be parents or siblings or grandparents, to be part of my family as well, and get support in raising this child that I have grown to love as well.

I won’t deny that there are selfish elements to my desire to adopt. I don’t want to bring a new life into this world. I’m scared of the process, the consequences, the guilt of imprinting some future trauma on their developing brain. I also know that teens get lost in America’s twisted adoption system all the time, and I don’t want them to end up homeless and without family. In a system as broken as this, the best solution seems to be to get that kid out and rebuild from there.

Now we get to the question in this post. Am I still wrong for wanting to help like this? I don’t want to approach this like some family planning option. I know it is so much more than that. But I want to give some needy kid an extra set of parents, not take any away. I want to find a family out there that needs help and be that help, even if it means struggling with the idea of “stealing” their child. That isn’t what I want. I guess I want to see if people understand this too.

I was adopted in India, and lived here my entire life (still do). I'm slowly getting around to wanting to know who my birth mother is, maybe even my birth father.

There are alot of ways to do this, but I'm here to see if anyone in India particularly, has ever found out who their biological families are? If so, what was that like?

I was given up for adoption when i was born and then adopted at around 10 months. i have enough information to know part of my story and i have some letters she wrote to me. i know that she was a north korean defector who fled to south korea but got pregnant in china ( hence me ). i was born in 2008 and i can now legally reach out and go through my official documents.

BUT - i found out that searching for a birth parent for is a defector is an extreme process as they are protected by the gov. i don’t know how successful i will be - im certain that my mum would want to see me she loved me so much / but im so worried that it will be fruitless. i wont ever find my dad, i have the possibility of finding my mum and if i dont i have no one. my family is in north korea or somewhere in china - my mum is the only one that i could actually have a chance at finding.

i’m guessing this isnt very common / but if anyone has experienced this or can give me some advice on even just beginning a search i would really appreciate it. i really want to see her but i dont think i could recover if i push through this even bigger part and be met with nothing.

Hi, folks!

I have two adopted parents but I myself am a bio child. Both parents are quite mentally ill and I have suffered a lot of trauma because of it.

I’ve decided to get into ancestry after some search angels tracked down my bio grandmother. I am wondering if anyone has found the premium version worth it? It is quite expensive!!

I am curious because I am not sure how much better the premium version actually is… anyway! Wish me luck on my journey 🫶

I just discovered my Korean adoption was likely fraudulent. I don't know what to think.

I've been just recently looking at my information again to try and start the process to search for my mother. Nothing has gone according to plan.

I was born in 2007, and was adopted at eleven months old and was sent abroad to the United States. There I was basically fed the story that my mother was unwed, that she wanted me to have a better life. And I believed all of it...

...until I looked at my records closer this time.

There are multiple glaring contradictions, big red flags that are telling me I can't trust anything from my records anymore. My records claimed my grandparents abandoned her when she was little, and had no memory of them, yet her father reported her to the Korean hojuk registry in 1994, when she was 10. I'd be surprised if a 10 year old couldn't remember even something small about her father.

Then, on my Statement of Release for Adoption, my mother signed it, but the two witness spots required under Article 878, Paragraph 2 of the Korean Civil Law were entirely blank. Then later, I was appointed a guardian as an 'orphan'.

Or, the fact it says my mother has two brothers when she only had one.

I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if I can BELIEVE if anything on my records is true anymore.

People who were adopted at birth how did u all find ur biological parents

For context I’m 30, from UK with two beautiful biological children, my husband and I have always been open with adoption. I’m a huge empath and had a horrible childhood with parents who didn’t care much for me. I’ve been so blessed with my children, but I don’t wish to be pregnant again. However I need a full house, I need more children. I simply LOVE being a mum, I want to fill my home with children, we have so much love to give. I would like to hear stories from people who have adopted after having biological children. I’m not scared, I’m just curious to hear experiences. My two girls love other kids and also present great empathy skills, they are very sweet and kind and would love more siblings! Thank you in advance 💛

EDIT. why is there so much assumption?? Ask questions don’t assume? Come on

Hello,

Long story short my son was raised by my husband by the time he was 1 and was adopted by him at 6. Bio father was in agreement of the adoption, my son is now 15 and hasn't seen bio dad since he was 2. Bio dad and I communicated from time to time up until 2020 when I began ignoring his messages (he kept being sexual with me and I was over it). He had always told me that he would tell his older son about his younger brother but I do not know for certain what he told me was true. Recently I found his older half brother on Facebook, he is nearly 18. I decided it was inappropriate for me to reach out to a minor so my plan was to wait until he was 18 to try and connect the boys and I told my son and showed him some photos and explained why it wasn'tappropriate for me to message someone else's child and bring family drama to them. Well, my son has a tiktok account and easily found his half brother there and asked me if he could reach out and I told him I felt that was up to him as he is old enough to make those decisions and it leaves me out of the equation. He sent him a message about 24 hours ago and left a comment on one of his videos. His half brother has been active most of the night and day and has not responded but did request to follow my son. My son is on the autism spectrum and doesn't understand proper boundaries and he is upset that his half brother hasn't responded and wants to continue to message him, share videos with him, etc and I have been telling him to give him time because we don't know how he feels about this. My son has very few friends, he has never had another child come to a single birthday party that he invited them to, never been to or had a friend sleep over, and is a very isolated and lonely kid. Me reaching out to their dad to see how his older brother is feeling IS an option though I don't prefer to do that. Does anyone have any advice or insight as to how he may be feeling or how I can help my son cope with this situation and the disappointment he may feel if he is rejected by his older brother?

Hello!

I am an adoptive mother and my partner has been involved in my child's life for many years, but is not a legal parent. He is very involved in their lives and always has been.

Whenever we have issues with the school, staff, etc. He gets very passionate and thinks that the way to get things done is through being assertive and direct. I think it comes off as aggression and being rude. I think there are ways to get things done without acting this way.

It has made me start to not want him at meetings with people. Since he has always been there, I do see him as a parent and try to respect that role, but I also can't deal with the aggression. We have talked about it with both of our end result being "this is the way to get things solved."

I figured this group may have some ideas, since you all are also attending the same types of meetings and dealing with a bunch of school and behavioral staff all of the time, along with the child behaviors and marriage issues from that. There have to be others out there... how are you overcoming these things?

How did you cope with the regret even if you knew you did the right thing for the child?

I am borrowing a friends old account to post this, but am hoping to get some advice and perspective from others who have found themselves in situations similar to what my family is currently navigating.

Background: We were asked to adopt our child shortly after birth due to in utero drug exposure. We have known the birth family for decades and initially had a very open adoption, but unfortunately the birth mom is still in active addiction which led to a dangerous situation at our last in-person visit. We have been strictly no-contact with her ever since but have maintained contact with other members of the birth family, as we value that biological connection for our child.

Current dilemma: I recently found out through a member of the birth family that birth mom is currently in her early third trimester with a full biological sibling and, according to this family member, the birth mom might want us to adopt this baby as well. We are feeling really conflicted and overwhelmed for a number of reasons.

1) I don’t trust it. I worry that the birth mom is trying to manipulate our boundaries, that we set to keep our family safe, to gain access to our child. I’m not comfortable sacrificing my child’s safety. It also feels gross and manipulative to reinstate the relationship just to gain access to this child, I don’t want to do that.

2) If it is real, this isn’t how we saw our family growing but it feels like an incredible gift to give our child a full biological sibling who shares their story. But, if we do say yes, what happens next time and when does this end?

3) How do we do this? Do we start working to coordinate a private adoption with the birth parent now, or do we wait until the baby is born (knowing that drug use will likely continue) and work through CPS? There are also half-siblings still in the home and I struggle with the idea that stepping in privately may prevent the natural consequences that may protect them from future harm as well.

I recognize that as of right now this is all hearsay and, if we do move forward, we will eventually have to a direct conversation with birth mom to verify what she wants. I also want to be clear that should birth mom decide to seek treatment to get sober and parent this child, we fully support that and see that as a best case scenario for our child as well, we are by no means trying to take this child from her behind her back.

We, of course, plan to consult with our adoption attorney before making any moves, but would really value any general advice or perspective from adoptive parents that have been through similar circumstances, thank you in advance.

The good, the bad, and the ugly?

We are adopting out of state and trying to decide where to stay; a hotel, Air BNB, or acquaintance’s house.

Keeping this very short, I am really just struggling with some really big feelings that I was not expecting. My birth mother passed two weeks ago, and I was notified by a bio cousin that I met years ago. I met my birth mother when I was 20, but only for a brief moment and looking back even at 20, I was far to young to have that interaction. I closed her off right away as I do with most relationships and I suspect that her last memory of me maybe that I hurt her very much popping in and out of her life. Late 40s now, finding out she is gone, and I got hit with a freight train of emotion. My adoptive parents are the best, and the success I have in life is very much because of the opportunity they gave me, but the decision to give me up as an infant is something I think I wish I could thank my birth mother for, since she made that difficult choice knowing it was better for me. I have tried to talk to others, but I get this response like, you didn't even know her, sorry to hear that, move on, but man I don't feel that way. Any thoughts or experiences of others would be welcome. Thank you.

Hello! I’m Filipina, and I’ve been curious about how international adoption works, particularly for teenagers in the Philippines.

I’ve come across the stories of apl.de.ap and Bella Poarch, and they made me wonder about the different circumstances and processes involved in international adoption.

How does it generally work when an American family adopts a Filipino child? Is it possible for teenagers to be adopted internationally, and what factors determine whether they’re eligible? I’d also be interested in learning how sponsorship programs or existing relationships with families may be involved.

If anyone has relevant knowledge or feels comfortable sharing their experience, I’d really appreciate hearing your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this! ❤️

Did you meet your birth parents, as well?

I'm wondering if it is meaningful to meet the people who raised you, even if they did not birth you.