Hi everyone. I'm Manu, I'm 23 and I'm from Spain (sorry for my English).
My mom had ALS. She was sick for about three years, and I took care of her as much as I could.And even though she fought like a warrior, she passed away last December on Christmas day(I hate this fucking disease with all my heart)
I had a very strong bond with my mom, when I was a little kid she used to do Reiki on me (some spiritual shit lol). I had no idea what it was back then. Today spirituality is a huge part of my life, and I know that started with her. I also finished my degree only because I promised her I would. I didn't even want to study it, but I did it for her.
Right now, on paper, my life is going better than ever. I left the path everyone expected for me, I started my own business, and it's actually working. I'm about to move in with my girlfriend. Everything she would have wanted for me is happening.
And still there's an emptiness inside me that none of it fills. Every time something good happens, my first thought is that I can't tell her, i might just be having a very good day and the out of nothing, the though that my mom is now dead comes to my mind.
I want to be honest about the part I don't talk about: I've been struggling with nicotine and p*rn addiction. I can see now that a big part of it is me trying to numb that emptiness so I don't have to feel it. It works for a moment, and then everything feels heavier.
I'm writing here because I think you're the people who will understand. If you lost a parent to ALS, especially after taking care of them:
- Did the emptiness ever change for you? What actually helped?
- If you ended up leaning on something to cope, how did you get out of it?
- How do you enjoy the good things in your life when they're not here to see them?
I'm not looking for a quick fix. I just don't want to carry this alone anymore.
Thank you for reading. And to everyone here who is still caring for someone with ALS: I know how hard it is. Sending you a lot of strength and may god bless your souls.🕊️