I see so many people seeking advice. So many questions and stressors, so many what ifs and fears. And it’s so understandable. We reactive dog owners go through so much to keep them safe, healthy and happy for a reason. Because we know they have such a sweet, precious side to them. And I wanna see it! Show me your babes when they’re in their safe place! Here’s mine in the comments!

And no, we don’t just dress her up for the fun of it! She’s 14 and has lost a lot of weight due to a medical condition, so she gets very cold, very easily. Backyard photo was taken in 60 degree weather and green jacket photo was taken in 45! Not that it would matter, she LOVES wearing her jacket. The second she sees it, the tail is wagging and she’s putting her own head against it. lol

EDIT: Remember the new rule guys! Read the rules before you comment. I’m missing out on so many precious babes right now because the bot is removing them! 😭

I can't even post a picture of him here because I'm gonna throw up if I see his adorable face. Gosh I loved this dog. But after 7 severe bites and almost losing my hand, I had no choice.

I adopted my doggo 2 years ago from a shelter. Probably a Mastiff and Akita mix, he was absolutely gorgeous. The add said he was a ''Gentle Giant''. They told me he was a very kind dog who just needed a loving home.

After I signed all the paperwork, I took my big rococo (my pet pet name for him) outside and waited for the taxi. Then a worker from the shelter I didn't met came up to me, rapidly told me my dog had severe reactions to certains gestures, lose clothes, he hated men and had severe resource guarding issues. He proceded to give me a surprising amount of medication. I was at that moment on a cloud and already in love with the doggo, so I dismissed his warning.

The problems started right away. He was biting me so often my arms were completely bruised. The shelter suggested me a behaviorist. She disappeared after one session. After a few months we had what I call ''our good year''. He wasn't biting anymore and he looked happy.

Unfortunately, that didn't last. He started to be aggressive again. Guarding everything, even my own bed.

I was walking him 2 times a day, around 45 minutes each time. Then he started to do something I wasn't prepared for: if we didn't go where he wanted, he would just plant himself and not bulge. This became more and more common. As he weight around 150 pounds, I couldn't do anything. Sometimes I was trapped in the middle of a park, waiting for him to walk, for an hour and a half.

I saw another behaviorist who suggested to bring him to the vet and have him checked to see if he was in pain. The vet told me he was perfectly fine. Then the behaviorist told me use positive reinforcement with high value treats. It seems that from that moment everything just became worse and worse. He would walk 6 meters, then stop--- to get a treat. Then it was just one meter... Then one step.

The more I was trying, the worse it became. If he didn't like the food I prepared for him, he would stare at his bowl, growl, then bite me.

If I pass by him in pajamas (lose clothes), he would pounce and bite me.

Then he started to simply pee inside whenever he wanted.

So two nights ago, I woke up to the smell of pee, cleaned everything... And there he was guarding my bed. I was sleepy so I just passed by him from a distance... and he pounce and bit my hand so hard I was bleeding.

The very next morning, I was hiding from him in my room, my hand still bloody and painful and I was calling another shelter. They sent a unit take him away. Due to the severity of my injury, they will probably put him to sleep. They were very nice with me and told me I was taking the humane and responsible decision.

The last time I saw him he was in a cage, looking completely defeated. This will hunt me forever

I loved him so much. I did everything I could. I am so sad right now I am sick to my stomach. I have nightmares where he is taking away by a tornado and I am screaming his name. I can't stop crying. I can't eat. I can't work. I just stare at the wall.

BTW my hand is alright. But he punctured me between 2 fingers and it's very painful.

Anyways. Sorry for the bad English and the rant. Obviously, if I'm on reddit it's because I have nobody to talk to... My best friend was... him.

I got attacked again today.

I don't know how many times it's been now, at least 15. Needed stitches twice and got bit in the leg today.

My wife won't put him down or re home him. I won't leave her, so I'm just waiting and waiting until he dies of old age. He's 10 so maybe I won't have too long to go.

It all fucking sucks.

I hate who I've become. I used to love all animals, and now I hate all dogs, and can't have any other pets because the dog will kill them. ( He attacked my cat when he was still alive )

Even after he's dead I will have to pretend to be sad, which I probably will, but I certainly won't miss him when he's gone, and it will still probably be awhile after that I could get a cat again.

It's like having a bomb in your own house that can go off at any time. What set him off today was he was out in the yard and I told him to go inside, opened the door, and he came at me.

Certain words will set him off. Including my own name if you say it in a certain way. We can't pet him. Absolutely can't pick him up, can't have kids, can't have other pets, we can't go on vacations because he's been kicked off Rover and the local dog boarding place, unless we pay the only place that will take him $400 a day since he's high risk. Our lives are dictated by the dog. We pay too much for a house we can't afford because we needed a yard that was secure with a stone wall and not wood or chainlink fencing. He's a cut dog and we can't take him on walks unless it's super late at night because kids may run up to him to pet him and he bites a kid it's instant lights out for him.

It's not a single snap or bite. It's a full on attack that will last a min or two until he calms down or I can jump on him to pin him down.

Whatever y'all say about the dog needs to be put down, how he's a danger to everyone. How my wife is abusing me by keeping him, I know, and I've heard it before. We've spent thousands on trainers, he's been to the vet multiple times to make sure there wasn't something going on with him, he's just a violent animal.

please be nice, I know this is Reddit and that’s a lot to ask sometimes but my family is really hurting right now. Maggie is a almost 8 year-old half border collie half blue heeler I have owned since she was about six weeks old on Friday the 10th me and my husband, left to go to the hardware store and our home video shows the dog walking into the bathroom where the kitten (5months old)was playing with a spring toy and not even 10 seconds later she attacks him. It lasts for about 50 seconds and then she paces back back-and-forth until we get home an hour and a half later. The bathroom looked like a murder scene. I won’t post pictures unless people really want to see them, but they’re horrific. She broke our 5 mmonth old kittens orbital socket and mandible. There were multiple puncture marks all over his face. He was rushed to the emergency vet where the vet and us ultimately made the decision that the most humane thing we could do was euthanize him. I had my mom come pick up the dog while we were at the vet because I just can’t face her right now. She’s been staying at my mom’s house. We have a baby due in October and we own another Australian cattle dog who is 2 and another cat who is four. I honestly am at a loss for what I’m supposed to do. I filled out consultation paperwork for a animal behaviorist. But for our area, it’s going to be multiple thousand dollars that I don’t have right now to spend on this. I’m terrified for my other pets if she’s in the home and I’m terrified for my baby. She has a history of getting into a very minor scuffle a couple times with my mom’s dog years ago who is her sister Sister not the same litter but same parents. She also has exhibited aggressive behavior towards people young men when we’re on hikes are out for walks and we worked with her a ton and she got better. I feel like I’m at a crossroads. Where I have to decide what’s best for her and for our family and the future safety of my baby I don’t know. I feel like I lost two 2 pets that day. Honestly I just need advice. Rehoming her seems like a bad idea. She struggles with anxiety and she doesn’t like strangers and how can I rehome a dog that has brutally attacked another animal? I feel like behavioral euthanasia might be the only option and I’m just really struggling with guilt and what I’m supposed to do.

I have a 3 year old 70 pound husky/ACD/APBT mix, Riley, that I rescued at 5 months old. He’s very smart, a bit anxious, and extremely sensitive. He became selective about large dogs after several negative experiences in his adolescence, but he has always liked people. He loves to greet anyone we allow him to, both adults and children, and enjoys when people visit our house.

My next door neighbor has a 4 year old, "Janie", who he has known his entire life. Riley has always sought out positive contact with Janie. He'll approach her and sniff her or give her 1 or 2 licks (not appeasement face licking), she'll pet him briefly, give him a treat, or hold out her toys/rocks/random stuff for him to sniff, and that’s pretty much the extent of their interactions. On one occasion, Janie visited our house and he did display discomfort— she was playing a bit rambunctiously and he left the room and went to his bed, I think to get away from her excitement. She followed him and his body language seemed uncomfortable, so I intervened immediately before she reached him and attributed the discomfort to his not having had kids in his house before. Kids don't usually visit my home, so it's not something I gave much thought to after the fact.

This brings us to yesterday. We ran into Janie and her dad on our way home from our morning walk. Her dad and my partner were having a fairly sensitive conversation, so I was trying to engage Janie and she and Riley were together in our front yard. They greeted each other as usual, and Janie tried to play tag with Riley. He seemed to enjoy this and want to participate but I could also tell he was unsure— he and I often wrestle or play chase, but it seemed like he wasn't certain of the "rules" for playing with a kid and he kept looking to me, so I stopped the game. She also tried to hug him, which she never has before. He didn't like it and moved away, so I intervened and after this she was pretty much just talking to me/goofing around while Riley stood calmly. At this point Riley wasn't paying much attention to her at all, facing me, and Janie was behind him when she jumped at/onto him and landed on his back and one of his back feet. Riley immediately spun, growled loudly, and (I THINK- it was very very fast) bit her on the arm. Either a Dunbar 1 or 2. He let go/pulled back immediately, didn't draw blood at all, and was fearful/upset after. This is the first time I have ever seen Riley growl at a person, let alone snap or bite. It looked similar to the way a dog will spin and snap at another dog chasing or harassing them.

I'm not sure if Janie was trying to jump onto Riley or just being a 4 year old and jumping around, but I was not expecting her to do that and would not have let Riley stand between Janie and I, had I thought it was a possibility. She has large dogs and I've always known her to be respectful of Riley's space, so I wasn't as concerned or proactive as I clearly should have been— both for her and him. I take full responsibility as the adult watching, it's obviously not Janie's fault, but I feel like I failed Riley and everyone involved. I keep replaying the situation and seeing a million things I wish I had done differently.

Now I'm spiraling, and I need a reality check. How concerned should I be about Riley, going forward? He's always "run hot" (according to his trainer) and been very sensitive to his environment, for better and worse. Obviously he will not be interacting closely with children. Where do I go from here? Help ?? ?

EDITED TO UPDATE:

Thank you to everyone who read and gave constructive advice or feedback on my post, I appreciate you all taking the time to comment. I'll try to go through and answer more of you, but I just wanted to update with (probably too much) information/context I saw a few people asking for:

On Riley "running hot":

I can see where this was ambiguous or gave different impressions, I did not mean it as a euphemism for his being aggressive or sketchy with people. Maybe I should have left it out or offered more information, I was trying to keep my post from getting too over the top and wasn't sure what information to provide.

He runs hot in the sense he is higher arousal than some dogs. In our first puppy class, two of the other puppies literally barked/yelped nonstop unless taken outside. This, along with the other ten puppies in the room, was so overwhelming to him that he would not respond to his name/any commands/take any treats including hot dogs. (In contrast, the other puppies were still able to come around and focus eventually, and this one puppy DGAF and would fully conk out on his side on the floor toward the end of class, lol.) He also just finds the world very exciting-- people installing a roof in our neighborhood? Interesting and exciting. A hoverboard? Interesting and exciting. A wedding or event at the park we walk at? SO EXCITING. He's avidly observant of everything and everyone and what they are all doing all the time. Perhaps it would be better to say he has no chill. He responds to most stimulus starting at a 4 out of 10, rather than a 1. He's become MUCH calmer and more mellow the last 6 months or so, but this is still how I think of him. He generally has a friendly and happy vibe, and we joke that he has a fan club because on walks so many neighbors go out of their way to greet him.

Regarding Riley's discomfort with Janie in the house:     

This happened about 4 months ago. Janie was talking loudly (as kids do) and playing with my mother, and he left the room and went to his bed. When she followed him, he looked uncomfortable or anxious- his bed is in my room and he would have been trapped there with only one doorway. His ears were kind of flicking, he didn't have whale eye I but I could see him looking around gauging where to get up and go, looking poised to stand up again and leave his bed. I intervened before she could approach him and said we should leave him alone when he was in his bed and go play together outside. He stayed on his bed in my room, and seemed comfortable with that. He had never had kids running in our house before, and all previous visitors to the home were adults or children old enough to interact with him in a predictable way. Usually when we have visitors, he is very excited and happy and I often leash him to ensure he doesn't invade people's space or try to climb onto their laps/nudge them for attention. He sometimes brings them toys or tries to show off his tricks to get them to engage with him. The more often someone comes to visit, the less exciting they become. Even with new people he usually will calm down enough to lay on his bed about 15-20 minutes after they come over.

He's never appeared uncomfortable with children outside of our home, and didn't seem uncomfortable with Janie in our interactions outside after she visited our home. In our neighborhood/at parks I walk him on a 15-foot leash, and have never restrained him or urged him near anyone. If he didn't seem interested in approaching someone, I would not allow the interaction to proceed. With children, he would approach them with loose or interested body language and loose wagging tail, greet them for about 5-7 seconds while he sniffs their hands or face/may try to lick them, and move on. I never let children run at him/always have them approach with their parents if they're strangers (not because I thought he would bite, but because he's big and strong and I want everyone involved to be safe and calm). With adults he does the same, but will sometimes lean on their legs for a 'hug' while they pet him.

I may have given the impression he's super sketchy but his behavior is generally predictable and pretty stable, he's just not totally "chill vibes" and unbothered like other dogs I've had. He stays fairly calm and manages fine around heavy machinery construction, barking dogs across the street or in a yard, even a coyote we came across-- he will check in with me if something gives him pause, but the only concerns I have had are being approached by off-leash dogs. He manages even aggressive small dogs pretty well but has had negative experiences with off-leash large dogs showing aggression, and will escalate any conflict with one if we can't get away before they reach us. I try and avoid on leash greetings, but he reacts positively to many dogs he sees and is unconcerned with medium and small dogs.

Hello, I need some help figuring out how to handle my dog’s behavior towards my newborn. Our dog is a 7 year old staffy/pointer mix named Buddy. Background: We got him when he was two years old, he is a rescue from Puerto Rico. There have been several times over the years that I regret adopting him and think we bit off more than we could chew with a reactive dog. He originally was just painfully scared when we adopted him and turned into a lovebug with us. What we didn’t realize was that his scared/anxiety would turn into territorial aggression once he got comfortable. He bit my best friend hard enough to draw blood a month after we had him. He acts aggressive and barks and growls at new people. If he knows you and is comfortable with you he is the biggest mush and wants to cuddle and get pets. We’ve done training with him, talked to behaviorists and done a lot of research to deal with the territorial aggression. Haven’t been super successful as we don’t often have guests over and my husband and I work a lot. He’ll lunge towards new people or kids if they’re in places he considered his (our house, my in laws, my husbands shop).

The problem at hand is I’m worried he’s going to bite my newborn. Buddy was staying at my in-laws house and we brought him over several times on a leash around the baby. We had him sniff blankets, we gave him treats as positive reinforcement when he’d look at our baby or be calm and not react. I attached a picture but we set up a gate to close off part of our living room so he can see what’s going on. Since we brought him home 3 days ago it’s been incredibly stressful. He barks, whines or growls when the baby cries or even makes little noises. When he’s out of the gate he’s made a few quick movements towards her when I’ve been holding her on the couch. I never let him get closer than a foot to her. Today he started humping me or my husbands leg when we’re holding the baby. I feel indifferent towards Buddy right now and like I can’t trust him. I love him but the stress and worry of him hurting my daughter is wearing on me. We’re already mildly sleep deprived. It’s crossed my mind to consider rehoming him if he doesn’t mellow out. I would hate to do that, despite some of the issues he is a very loving dog and we’ve adored him. Any advice on how to go about making him more comfortable? When do I consider he’s not fitting with our new family dynamic and need to rehome?

Sorry if this post seems a little jumbled,

I’m extremely tired today.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED. We adopted a dog that was listed as Perfect dog for kids and was listed as friendly to other dogs. He was listed as a previous service dog too. I’m now convinced it was alll lies. He growls at my child (she’s 3) if she’s eating or drinking or being too loud, lunges at her, charges her. I am pregnant and I’ve had to sprint to get in between of them over and over. He attacked one of our dogs who was doing nothing and was in a completely different room before the attack. The dog that was attacked is not going good. She already was old but now it seems like he messed her back legs up. She has already been to the vet and is going back today. I called the shelter and asked to surrender him. Was told no. He’s now considered dog aggressive and child aggressive and therefor not able to be surrendered. We’ve had him for a month. No one will take him. I’ve called 30+ shelters. The majority say to put him down and that they won’t take him. I hate that solution. I started calling euthanasia places. They won’t put him down for aggression. Only if he was sick.

As a mom how the crap am I supposed to do this. I CANNOT keep him. He is unsafe for my child and my other dogs. I messed up so bad by adopting him and I don’t know what to do.

Hello! I'm new to this subreddit and need help.

This is Ube (like the purple yam). She is 4 years old and tries really hard to behave herself.

We adopted her when she was 12 weeks old from an adoption agency in Southern CA. Literally the first few days home we noticed that they werent honest about her disposition. Either they didn't properly evaluate her or they were straight up duplicitous because they just wanted her to be adopted.

Immediately we noticed she was resource guarding and very fearful if you raised your voice at her. She was scolded for guarding her food dish and not allowing us to touch it, and peed on the floor as she was firmly told "no" and the fish was removed. At that point, I knew we had work cut out for us. In hindsight, we probably should have taken her back to the adoption agency, but frankly I didn't trust them (they almost didn't adopt her to us because I mentioned kennel training Ube...) AND she was dog reactive (our dog being the exception) but it wasn't predictable reactivity. Some dogs she liked, some she HATED, and some she would turn on in an instant if she got over stimulated. (Ha, that rhymes)

Fast forward several months and we had mostly gotten her resource guarding under control by redirecting her behavior. Trading her different toys, using high value treats to convince her to abandon her food etc. I tried to help her conquer her dog reactivity with wearing a muzzle. It resulted in muzzle punching at worst, but over all she was more comfortable interacting with other dogs while muzzled. Eventually she graduated from the muzzle and was able to be ambivalent towards other dogs or even play with them. The other challenge when it came to her socialization, was resource guarding ME. If another dog approached me, she was immediately on the defensive and would snarl and snap at them to create space. But she never actually bit them. I was able to help her grow out of this behavior after I discovered she was very ball motivated, and could interrupt or distract her from the incoming curiosity of other dogs by keeping her focused on the ball.

Walking her has always been easy, thank God. She rarely pulls on the leash, and for SOME reason she doesn't have leash aggression when it comes to other dogs (which I absolutely do not understand lol).

So now...the problem(s).

She isn't a success story. We ended up having to move around a lot through a series of events that were out of our control. Before moving to the East Coast and finally having stability, Ube regressed tremendously. And I'll be the first to admit, it's partly our fault. We were in survival mode and being consistent with her training wasn't sustainable. She did however, get frequent walks and fetch time in empty dog parks and family properties amidst the chaos.

Unfortunately now she isn't just dog reactive, she is dog AGGRESSIVE. Sometimes others will insist on trying to help us resocialize her. There was an incident in our new living situation where, despite the warnings, a woman was certain she could enter the otherwise empty dog park so her dog could play with Ube. Instead of being on the defensive, Ube was OFFENSIVE and it was a behavior we had never seen in her previously. She made a beeline for the other dog. There were no serious injuries, but it was still a serious situation.

We have lived where we currently are for 2 years. And since then, Ube and our other dog have their own yard. Ube barks at people through the fence (and squirrels and birds), she is an escape artist (and has been since we got her, she pretty much can never be left unattended in a fenced in yard that has not been theoughoughly inspected and reinforced). At this point we feel that she isn't truly adoptable. But she is SO cute and so affectionate, people don't believe us when we say she has issues.

The complete list is this:

- Resource guarding (toys and people)

- Escape artist

- Inconsistently hates other dogs

- Inconsistently hates other people (usually men and ALWAYS small children)

- Herding (our dog, our cats, and people)

- Nipping

- Anxious about thunder, fireworks, and now the sound of rain in general (this is new)

- Reactivity to the doorbell, people entering the home, even the shutting of car doors outside

- Separation anxiety (cries all night if she can't sleep in the bedroom with us but is fine when left home alone)

She HAS bitten 4 people...and one was on the face. It barely scratched the skin but it counts. We have been able to catch her before she has bitten other people in our home because we watch her like a hawk. The thing that I don't understand is the lack of predictability. Sometimes her body language changes and we know where she's at and remove her from the situation. And if we catch her in time, she will be obedient and "leave it" and "lay down" somewhere safe. But sometimes she changes in an instant and there is zero indicator that we can she that she has turned into a pumpkin (so to speak). Additionally, to make things worse, our other dog developed a seizure disorder and Ube becomes highly aggressive when the other dog is seizing (Ube is still responsive to correction/redirection in that situation now that it has happened a number of times)

So here's the big issue.

We just had our first baby in June. He was planned, and I thought everything would be fine with the pets. But it seems like (even though Ube loves the baby and is very gentle with him) I worry about her hurting him. She went from being relatively well adjusted after living in the same place for a long time, to being more anxious than ever. Here's what we are doing to resolve the situation:

- Intense fetch sessions

-teaching her a new command to sit in between our legs like guard dogs so (to make it easier to walk her when the neighbors inevitably want to see the baby)

-Contructive walks (making her sit, heel, and lay down throughout the walk)

-Kennel training (we became lax for a year or so and weren't kenneling her, just keeping her in her own room, but now we need all of our rooms so 🤷‍♀️)

- Installed baby gates to partition our home and rotate our dogs in and out of appropriate spaces

We've been doing this new routine for a week or more now and we are exhausted. We can't afford to put her on medication or for a trainer. And we don't have family in the area to help us. I don't know how sustainable this is for our family but I also don't want to fail this dog.

If we rehome her, she would have to go to a very specific person and people that we talk to about her behavioral issues don't take us seriously. If we euthanize her, I will be broken hearted and feel like we failed her.

What else can we realistically be doing to give her the life she deserves that we aren't doing already? Especially while being new parents?

The good thing to this is that Ube IS incredibly affectionate (sometimes aggressively affectionate). She is fiercely loyal, intelligent, and very cuddly. She is ball motivated and really wants to please. What is the most ethical choice for us??

Thank you for reading, and thank you for the input.

So long story short, I got my feelings hurt last night. Yesterday, I posted something in a women’s camping group asking for advice on people walking through our campsite with my reactive dog and safety for ourselves. I won’t go too far into it, you’re welcome to read the original post from my post history if you need more context.
Everyone was extremely helpful in the comments.
Then, I received the option to cross post it in another group.
That group freaking ate me alive. I removed it out of embarrassment.
Some were saying she should be put down, some were saying I should never take her out of the house. I don’t pay any mind to the extreme comments but I tend to overthink.
My girl had never bitten anyone, but she lunges and barks a lot, which is why we keep her on leash.

The type of camping we do, “dispersed” camping, which is not around other campers, is a very rural, off grid type of camping. Not at a campsite where you can see the neighboring campers. You can’t see anyone, yet I was being told that if someone’s child wanders through our campsite, which would be very unlikely given we never camp around others, that child’s blood would be on my hands etc. I’m a monster for bringing her out to a public place. She needs to be put down and of course the “pit bull” argument. Am I doing wrong by bringing my girl camping with me? I always make sure she can’t leave our immediate site, she can’t even reach around the other side of the truck. We never camp around others. I don’t wanna be a shitty dog owner that puts everyone else in danger but she deserves a life in her senior years. Please be honest.

I've had this dog since he was 3 months old.. I was 21 at the time. He's 8 years old now. He has had major reactivity, anxiety, and allergy problems ever since I've gotten him. He will become explosively vicious to any living thing that isn't me or my wife. Therefore, I can't bring him around anything. I can't have anyone over. I can't leave him alone without him immediately trying to maim himself.

This, coupled with his enigma of an allergy issue, means he lives in a cone all day, 24/7. The moment he is out, he will instantly try and get to himself until he bleeds. Nowadays, he will constantly lick the inside of his cone until the underside of his mouth is raw and soaked with disgusting bacteria. I can't even try and wash it without him wailing in pain. I constantly take him to the vet, spend hundreds of dollars on tests and antibiotics, only for it to come back within a week.

I've talked with a dozen vets and specialists to find a solution.. with the only one being that he should be just be constantly drugged up on Gabapentin. Apoquel and Cytopoint did not work; anti-anxiety and behavioral medications did not work; training did not work; food restriction and hydrolyzed diets did not work.

I've tried rehoming him, and no one else will take him. I've tried reaching out to family. I've tried reaching out to non-kill shelters. I've tried reaching out to rescues specificially for his breed.. including in other states.. and no one will take him.

I turn 30 later this year. My mental health has been destroyed by this dog. I'm in severe debt from trying to "fix" him. I feel like my 20s were taken away from me because of him. I have come to fully resent him because of all of this.

And the worst part is - None of this is his fault. I know that, and it makes this feeling so much worse. He's just anxious, itchy, and in pain. I desperately wish I could've given him a better life. I still wish I could, but I'm so beaten down with the constant failures from trying.

Euthanasia has consistently popped up in my mind as the only way out for both of us, but I've always been too scared. What if he suddenly got better? What if I hadn't tried everything? How do I know he wants this or that it's fair for him?

At this point, I almost feel like I'm waiting for a "valid" excuse for euthanasia - he's getting older, so something's bound to happen eventually to give me some kind of excuse... Real fucking altruistic of me, right?

I'm crying while typing this out. I don't know what else I can do.

My reactive foster dog attacked my cat. I was never supposed to have this dog, but they literally had nowhere else to put him. I was told he was good with cats, and the. Was told he’s actually not good with cats and after the fact. I live in a studio. There are no doors for me to close off. My cats are too friendly for their own good and want to be friends with him and they aren’t very smart so they just keep approaching him. My whole life is now revolving around trying to keep them separate. I am not eating or sleeping. I know it’s not the dogs fault, he’s traumatized, but I hate this fucking dog more and more every day and the rescue still says there is absolutely no one able to take him. I’m exhausted.

EDIT: they’re coming to get him in a few days. I’ve been keeping him locked in his crate for most of the time, but trying to get him out for exercise more often to get his energy out. Thank you for everyone’s advice. He’s not a bad dog, he was just treated very badly in his past and needs structure and space that I’m not able to give. I don’t think I’ll foster for this rescue again, and probably won’t foster dogs anymore. Thanks everyone

NEW EDIT: the rescue has told me three separate times that they are coming to get him, and cancelled last minute each time. They said they’re getting him tomorrow morning, but I don’t know.

THIRD EDIT: He has been taken to a new foster. We managed a routine for the last few days, but it wasn’t sustainable. I hope he gets space that he needs

For context, it was my ex’s dog and he just ditched him with me, said he’s not taking him. He’s an English mastiff who never got appropriate training, the ex also attacked the dog during the last encounter and I’m pretty sure it scared the mastiff. He also nonstop teased him and rough housed him after I told him to stop.
I can’t let him around men, he bit my mom and my sister, and only tolerates me but has bitten me multiple times before (once was when I was protecting him from the ex). Anyway, I can’t even have my current boyfriend around when I need to let him outside, he has to be locked in a room. I’m at a loss, I can’t afford to euthanize him, and I am looking to move to an apartment so I can’t take him with me.
I seriously have no clue what to do. I’m already having to rehome my Great Dane that I adore, but the Mastiff - how could I rehome him when I have no idea what he’ll do next?

Please don’t hate me, this was a toxic and horrible relationship (obviously if he was taking it out on the animals). I should’ve saw the signs sooner, and I blame myself for not. Young, dumb, and thought it was love. But I for sure don’t need anymore shame than what I feel already.

I appreciate and recs or advice or help. I’m in the Tulsa area.

I met Coffee at my local humane society over three years ago. He's typical of the dogs that we have trouble placing; Large (85+ lbs), dark colored (Black and tan, with minimal white markings), and mature (He's at least four years old).

His history is hazy. Reportedly, he turned up as a stray on a local farm as a youngster. The family who owned the farm tried to keep him, before becoming overwhelmed and surrendered him to the humane society.

He has a crooked jaw. I've always wondered if it was caused by a previous injury that was left untreated.

He's also a suspected Bloodhound/Rottweiler mix. Hence my username.

Over the course of three years, I fell in love with Coffee. He seemed like the ideal dog: Affectionate, good with other dogs, and well behaved on leash. He was a staff favorite.

I didn't adopt him three years ago, because at the time, I had another dog whom I knew wouldn't be compatible with him. (His name was Axel. He was a Pitbull with some reactivity in his own right.) So Coffee sat and waited... and waited... and waited...

He was, briefly, adopted by another person. He was returned to the humane society a day later. The stated reason being "Their resident dog didn't get along with him."

At the beginning of June of this year, my previous dog died. It was a compassionate euthanasia on my part. He was elderly (13+ years), had multiple pre-existing health problems, recent bloodwork showed that his kidneys were beginning to shut down, and his hips gave out. It was time. I'm at peace with that decision.

But after Axel passed, the house felt... empty. Too lonely. I grew up with dogs. There's been at least one dog in my household since I was five years old. I'm thirty now.

And there was Coffee. Stuck in the kennel, still waiting to be adopted.

I'll admit, I had some uncertainties about adopting him. As the years passed, I had gotten to know Coffee better, some cracks in his armor had appeared.

He proved to have quite the prey drive. Rabbits, squirrels, birds, deer... If it was small and moved, he wanted it! He nearly dislocated my arm once, trying to chase a herd of deer. Another time, he managed to get away from me, off to chase a rabbit through the woods. But I caught him relatively quickly, so no harm done. Then he got away from me again, and I just not find him! ​But after I had walked back to the humane society, I turned around to discover him following me. So again, no real harm done.

He also didn't like small dogs (Under 30 lbs), but this was also attributed to his prey drive. When I adopted him, the staff specifically warned me to not take chances with small breed dogs and to keep him well away from them. Just out of an abundance of caution. But big dogs seemed to be alright. I'd taken him out to play with other large breed dogs before and he seemed to relish their company. Wrestling and zoomies galore!

So, he definitely needed some lifestyle considerations and training, but I truly thought that I could handle all of that.

My childhood dogs were Jack Russell Terriers, and you can't get more prey driven than them. In addition, my male Jack Russell was dog reactive to the extreme. After being attacked as a young puppy, he spent the rest of his life trying to attack any and all dogs. (Our female Jack Russell was the only exception to this.) Instantly. Even seeing dogs on the TV would cause him to react!

That JRT died at the ripe old age of fourteen. And while it wasn't always easy (Twice he escaped and attacked other dogs), we made things work with him. And even at his most frenzied, he never bit a person. He loved people! Especially children.

That's... not been the case with Coffee, I'm afraid.

The first bite occurred a few weeks after the adoption. Coffee and I were heading home after a long walk. I live in the countryside, so we have to walk on the road. There is no sidewalk. A red van wizzed past us, didn't even slow down. Very rude.

A concerning development post-adoption was the fact that Coffee proved to be reactive to cars. My best guess is that them moving triggers his prey drive? My male JRT also was reactive to cars. Coffee reminds me a great deal of him, with regards to prey drive.

So Coffee was quite "amped" up, so to speak.

Then around the corner came an old lady. Coffee pulled me over to her. I wasn't thrilled with the poor leash manners, but since he'd been friendly towards other people on our walks back at the humane society... I thought that he just wanted to greet her.

She was receptive to this. She laughed at my struggles to control him and moved to pet him.

Coffee bit her on the hand.

Looking back, it was a Level 3 bite. He drew blood. I wasn't sure who was more shocked, me or her!

But the bite didn't seem serious. I was unfamiliar with the dog bite scale at the time. And she was really considerate, truthfully. She only asked for proof of vaccination, which I gave. Animal control was called, but the woman who I spoke to didn't come across as overly concerned. She only asked what had happened. After I finished my rundown of the incident, she seemed to think that the bite was more because of Coffee being overly excited by the van that had just passed. So she simply advised me to seek a trainer and left it at that.

Included in Coffee's adoption packet, was the card for a local trainer with an excellent reputation. I called him, explained what had happened, and scheduled six weeks worth of lessons for him.

Upon meeting Coffee, he didn't seem worried. He noted his high drive, but also his intelligence. We worked on recall during the first lesson. Coffee did very well. Through recall, I was able to control Coffee's reactivity to the local wildlife (To the extent of him no longer dragging me around, at least), and keep his focus on me while cars passed us by.

Right at the beginning of the second lesson, when he entered the house, Coffee jumped up at him. But a quick jerk of the leash stopped that in it's tracks. We worked on "Place" and "Stay". Coffee, again, did well. He's incredibly food motivated, so as long as I had treats on hand, he did what was asked of him. Some stubbornness aside, of course. But the trainer assured me that both Bloodhounds and Rottweilers were "stubborn breeds".

The third lesson came around. Coffee, again, jumped up on the trainer when he entered the house. He snapped at him. The trainer had to knee him in the chest to get him to get down. Otherwise, the lesson proceeded as normal.

Yesterday, a local handyman came over the the house. I have known this man for years. He's a family friend. Coffee had barked at him on a previous visit, but was quickly ushered away to another room before things could go any further.

This second meeting between the two of them was supposed to be their formal introduction.

I tried to do everything the trainer advised me to do. Keep Coffee on a leash. Have him meet the handyman outside of the home. Give the handyman treats to give Coffee...

Coffee, upon seeing him outside, dragged me over to him and jumped up and bit him. It's a level 4 bite. He had to go to the hospital, and since he's a diabetic, he'll be on antibiotics for quite some time.

I called the trainer. He seemed surprised. I asked what I should do- Could sending Coffee away for training possibly help? He advised that there was no guarantee that Coffee would even show this reactivity in another setting, while surrounded by new people.

I called the manager of the humane society. She was horrified. And told me that if I bring Coffee back to them, that he will not be adopted out- He's simply too high of a liability. She also said that if Coffee were her dog, that she would have him behaviorally euthanized.

The animal control lady and a representative of the county health department came out to my house shortly after I finished these phone calls. Animal control lady was going to write me a citation, but after I explained that I had been calling around for advice, opted to not cite me. She wants to know what my ultimate decision will be, of course.

I know that if Coffee bites another person, she'll seize him and take him away to be euthanised.

I just... really love this dog. He sleeps in bed with me every night. He brings me his toys when he wants to play. He's never once shown aggression around me.

But I also know that behavioral euthanasia is the responsible thing to do. He's a danger to those outside of my household: Person, pet, or wildlife. He loves my brother and his wife, but they just adopted a puppy and will likely start trying for children soon. What if Coffee attacks their dog or a future child? He could easily kill either.

My parents (I am a disabled adult, so I still live with them) want to try getting Coffee placed in a no-kill shelter or a sanctuary... and while I don't want Coffee to die, I also don't want to pass him off to somebody else. He's been passed around enough in his relatively short life.

I just... need help making my decision. So please, help me.

I adopted my dog after he was dumped by the previous likely abusive owner. I have had him about 3 months only and it has taken a serious emotional toll with his behavioral issues.

Severe separation anxiety has left me feeling isolated and unable to leave the house unless I want to come home to a mess (throw up, feces, urine even if I take him for a long walk prior). I live alone otherwise if at least one person is in a house and he is fine.

Leash Reactivity- I live in a white picket fence type neighborhood so avoiding triggers is very difficult and can never find a park with no one around. Although it has improved this a lot with people and dogs, there seem to be a few people he looks like he wants to attack(body language is very different to when he seems fear or arousal reactive)

Resource Guarding - he had already injured my cat that was a huge scare.. my cat is older and cannot get away in time. My rescue is also dominant and pins him so he cannot get away. This happened twice now but only recently was it an actual bite. I am now more vigilant with removing him when cooking or groceries but worry it will take one mistake and it can happen again.

No warning growl before snaps. I am guessing the previously owner punished him so now the most important warning for a reactive dog is now gone.

I am constantly on edge. Watching his body language to ensure people and pets are safe. I am teetering between the guilt and grief if I return him and the severe anxiety and burnout if I keep him. It feels like a lose-lose. I’m scared no one will take him if I return him and feel like a terrible person even seriously considering it. He is a rottweiler and has a lot of umph to his pull. He has already pulled two of my muscles and broke my thumb from lunging.

I feel like I’m going crazy and feel like a terrible human if I give up on him. I have been working hard on training and there is improvement but I don’t think I can emotionally bear it for possibly years until he is maybe rehabilitated. It feels like he needs someone who isn’t anxious and lives somewhere with less triggers. But I know if I give him up and his behavioral issues could get far worse.

Are there any others here that have success stories after these types of issues or that gave the dog up and it worked for the betterment of both of you?

EDIT:
Photo of the shallow puncture on cat:

https://imgur.com/a/RivcUyQ

As shown, it was on the very thin part of ear and likely why it broke skin and was even then shallow. Not excusing the bite but just wanted to show an image for people to better understand what the bite looks like

We’ve had our dog for just over 4 years now. We got her from a shelter where they did not explain to us her issues with other animals. We lived in an apartment and while living there she got into it with a neighbors dog. Luckily, their dog was not seriously harmed. Due to this situation we spent months trying positive reinforcement training that never worked for our girl.

After this, we decided to buy a home with a fenced in yard so she’d have somewhere to safely run without feeling anxiety. On day two of owning our home she broke into our neighbors yard and attacked their lab. Again, we were blessed that no serious injuries occurred and our neighbor met us with so much kindness regarding the situation. We paid for his dogs vet bills, staked our fence down, decided to never let her be outside unsupervised, and bought a shock collar in case the worst somehow happened again.

Yesterday it did happen again. This time to our other neighbors dog, while there were three children present. There were 4 adults present as well. She slipped under the fence and got ahold of their dog and we once again had to pry our dog off of another dog. They are being very understanding but at this point my husband and I think it’s best to rehome her. We have done everything to try to stop this aside from formal training because frankly, we can’t afford that.

We are worried at this point that one of the children may be hurt in the future. Not on purpose but on accident, if they are close by. We are so sad and are strongly considering rehoming her somewhere there are zero other animals or children, but wanted advice on if this is the best option.

We have had our dog since she was 8 weeks old, born in the shelter and we are the only family she’s ever known.

We love her so much.
She’s the ultimate camping buddy, she loves the dog friendly cafe and splashing in any and all water. She’s wonderful with our cats.

She has always been very timid. On leash, in the car, with company over.

She’s bit me multiple times in the face, but we have seen major improvement.

When I was pregnant we included her in setting up the nursery. She and our son love each other so much. We do everything to keep ample space between the two of them.
She’s snapped at him progressively more frequently over the last few weeks and ended up biting him on the hand today. She didn’t break skin, but I know that we will feel awful taking our son to get stitches because that’s where this is headed without intervention and we can’t risk that.

I don’t think anyone would handle her as calmly as we have, and I think rehoming her with a bite history will be a challenge as well as very stressful on her. I don’t want to subject her to feeling abandoned or to be traumatized because realistically she will bite a new person. She has snapped at all of our company.

She does not tolerate clothing so I don’t think she’d tolerate a muzzle.

I’m afraid we don’t have the luxury to experiment with medications as we already have a special needs cat and can’t risk our son’s safety during any adjustment period.

She is now 3. I’m afraid BE may be the most realistic option. Advice, experience appreciated. Thank you all.

Edit: I’m not sure how “we keep ample space between them” reads that we let our son invade her space. The negative speculative comments aren’t helpful.

Update: we are starting her on a low dose of trazadone and have set up the guest room which has window access to be her baby free space :)
We intend to give her one on one time with my husband or I to rest like the olden days.

I am now understanding that parts of her behavior I’ve attributed to being high energy has been indicative of chronic anxiety and so far even in the last couple of days, she seems relaxed on her medication, gazing out the window relaxed instead of seeming on edge needing to protect us.
She seems more confident going off to explore or rest on her own away from us, whereas previously I didn’t understand why she was adamant on being close to us and simultaneously seeming frazzled that we were around her.

We’ve ordered a couple muzzles to introduce to her.
I’m very hopeful and we are keeping our son out of the same room as her for now unless I’m holding him.

We will also use her lick mat daily, as I’ve read that they’re helpful for self soothing since we were previously her main resort to self soothe.

Huge thanks to those of you who offered genuine advice.
Many other commenters who were presumptuous I snooped and realized they don’t have children, just a lot of opinions and time at the keyboard.

Dog in question "Bosco"- 3.5 year old Husky? Mix.

Yesterday, the door didn't latch (I was bringing something in and my son was going out at the same time) and in the worst possible timing, a lady was walking her two french bulldogs. I did not see exactly what happened, as my back was turned when it all went down. I just heard a lot of scared screaming, dogs snarling/snapping by the time I got to the door Bos. was headed back toward my house, I grabbed him, crated him. As far as I could see the dogs were walking fine and no damage was done. However, this has scared the crap out of me.

Bos was a rescue puppy, never meant to be permanent. Not sure of his early puppyhood but when we picked him up from the 'finder' he was covered in urine and fleas (turns out the lady had actually lied to the shelter and she was actually the owner of the litter) He was quite aloof when he was a puppy, was quite nasty for a bit, but seemed to chill out once neutered.

We haven't been able to walk him since he was about 9 months old, because he is just too big and strong and had no manners. We had a large backyard, so its never been a huge deal. He lives in my house with a 6 year old mutt, my teen, my 8 year old son, and myself. He's great with everyone in the house- no resource guarding issues, usually submits when playing with our much smaller mixed breed dog.

However, he goes NUTS when he sees other dogs walk by (and sometimes just people). Especially if the dog starts to bark back. There have been times i was scared he was going to break the window.

I am now terrified of him getting out again. We live in super busy neighborhood with lots of houses close together. a couple dozen (maybe more) people walk in front of my house daily. What if it had been someone elderly? Or a small dog? Or god forbid, a small child (I don't think he would go after a child, but there are several people who walk their small child and small dog together).

He is not a door bolter- usually even when he's going nuts at the window I can open the door and walk out without him wanting to go out the door. But gosh, I just don't know if I"m ever going to feel comfortable with him again. Rehoming isn't a possibility bc this is Texas and it would be nearly impossible to find him an appropriate home on land.

I am open to any and all advice. We are starting muzzle training and will likely eventually use that when he's in the backyard just in case he were to manage to get out (right now we are not leaving him out there alone). I'm getting a gate this weekend and no longer allowing him in the front room. I'm still worried, especially since my kids live here, that someone is going to slip up.

My dog is 4 years old with no history of biting or aggression

My husband and I left for a vacation yesterday and our best friends are watching our boy. They always watch him when we go away and he absolutely loves being at their house

He’s a frenchie and he’s struggling with an interdigital cyst as well as horrible allergies, so he wasn’t feeling 100%.

We got a call last night that she went to give him a kiss when he was sleeping and within 2 seconds he just snapped at her face. He got her bottom lip and she needs stitches. We drove 3 hrs go to get him and I just feel absolutely defeated. Our friends feel awful and as if they did something wrong and feel like they ruined our trip when that’s clearly not at all the case. I feel so distraught and terrified for her. The doctor said she’s going to heal fine, and they aren’t upset with us at all but the horrible feeling inside me is ruining everything for this weekend.

Am I a terrible dog owner? Should I have known? What do we do now?

Our boy was so upset and shaking when we picked him up. It’s just awful all around.

Any advice on moving forward would help.

I (28M) just got home from work and everything seemed normal. I walked my dog to let him pee after I got home and took his leash off and let him have his free range in the living room. My girlfriend (30F) and I decided to go get some food and going to the living room she told me he got into some trash she told me she showed him what he did and he went into his kennel. This occurred a couple of hours prior to my getting home. I pick up the empty plastic bag with obvious fresh dog teeth marks in it and I showed him the bag and asked “what is this?”, not in a commanding tone. Just a simple soft tone as to not show aggression. In a matter of about 10 seconds he snarled his lips and lunged at me. Biting me a couple times with 2 punctures and 1 that did not break the skin making 3 total bite marks.In the altercation the only way to make him stop attacking me was to pin him and force him into his crate. I shut his blinders so he can’t see anyone outside. I have had this dog for 9 years and he has never turned on me. He has had problems with people that don’t live in my house coming in and has had problems with other dogs. He was almost killed by my mother’s dog almost 8 years ago and ever since then he has not liked other dogs. My current girlfriend and I think my ex girlfriend would hit him when I was not around since he would flinch when she would go to pet him. He is on some mild medications (Trazadone for anxiety and Dasquin for joint relief) But in almost 10 years of having this dog be my little buddy he has never turned on me. He has growled when taking something away but never full on attacked me. What could the cause be and how can I fix it?

Edit: thank you everyone for the insight. And I would like to clarify a couple things. I was acknowledging to my dog that I saw what he did. I now know this can cause a defensive based reaction. And the growling he would do when he had trash was years ago. I learned to trade for it with a plush toy a long time ago. He was not actively chewing on the plastic bag it was on the ground 6 yards away from where my girlfriend was actively petting him. Was it a mistake to show him? Yes absolutely. But it is still very outlandish behavior for him with how good he has been the last couple of YEARS with me and my girlfriend. His response did not seem warranted. Hence why I made the post for insight. Secondly, my dog is no longer in an environment where he even has the potential to be hit by anyone. He is loved daily and praised for good behavior and ignored for bad. My ex girlfriend that I suspected hit him when I was not around is an ex for many reasons and that is one of the main reasons. And last of all to those calling me an idiot. We make mistakes. I’m looking for advice on what I should do to be a better dog owner, sorry this occurrence that seemed fairly unimportant in the moment was the catalyst for a very shitty evening for myself and my small family. All I ask is that we are constructive. Quite frankly if I cared less I wouldn’t make a post asking for suggestions. My dog is not just a dog. He is my family and love him dearly as most dog owners do.

Hi all. I am hoping to gain some perspective or advice, or some piece of information that makes this easier.

My family has a reactive dog, Buffy, that my sister (22F) took from a neighbor looking to rehome about 3 years ago. At the time she lived in her own apartment with her rescue dog, Willow.

She would frequently come down to my parents house for the weekend with the dogs (where me 25F and my husband 29M live in a casita). My mom has two dogs, Luna (3F, husky mix) and Dakota (10F, Terrier mix).

Buffy started to attack/ jump on Dakota with no consistent trigger. Once barking, once just proximity. No other dogs were attacked. We started to play a game of rotating dogs every time they were both here and exercised separation after trying training, anxiety meds and vet evaluation to no avail.

She then went after Willow with the apparent trigger of a ball, and that ended in a trip to the ER vet. My parents decided to keep Buffy full time after that, still constantly playing the game of rotation. It’s a big house, and as my dad is retired he spends most of the day with Buffy. We rotate between bedroom/ living areas/ crates.

Here is where I am stuck, and upset, and overwhelmed. Buffy is the most loving dog. Never shown aggression towards people, cats or my mom’s other dog, Luna. She’s a great listener, fully trained. My poor parents are at their wits end. Even with all the boundaries, accidents happen and Dakota was attacked again this weekend. We cannot go on like this. We have tried doing online rehoming where we got no response, the rescues here will not take a dog aggressive dog. Our options at this point are county shelter, or behavioral euthanasia. I’m hoping there is a secret third option. She’s so loving and happy and although it’s ultimately not my decision, I’m so devastated by where we are at with this.

I don’t even know what advice I am really looking for. We suspect it is some type of idiopathic aggression or rage syndrome, but even with a diagnosis, what does that change? It’s not safe for our dogs and at what point does she get triggered and snap at a human or a cat? Is it ethical to send her to a shelter where she would be stressed, and the possibility of that just ending in euthanasia or in an attack on her new adopters is so high?

Anything helps. I don’t know what to do.

I never saw myself as a person to take a dog back. But I feel in way over my head, these issues were not discussed at the shelter. She is a 1 year old retriever/terrier

First of all I have two cats, one elderly, and also a beagle. Beagle and cats get along fine for years. Within 2 hours of being home (on a leash for safety) she lunged at my elderly cat and tried to kill her. I got nipped in the process and now have a swollen bite mark on my arm.

She also barreled me into a wall and now my whole back hurts, as well as barked and lunged at our dog. I feel terrible already wanting to call tomorrow and take her back, and find a much calmer dog (this dog is supposed to become a service dog for for me with a professional trainer) I thought I found the one, but instead everyone is getting hurt.

EDIT: I have learned my lesson. We took the dog back and they were very understanding. I am going to be going through a breeder, not try another shelter dog.

Husband and 2 toddlers were playing tug a war with my 4 year old mutt (she’s medium size lab mix, loves her family a lot) so she was super riled up. Then my 3 yo with food in his mouth came up behind her and put his arms around her. She snarled and snapped at him and it scraped his face. I’m really upset and we plan on being much more careful with her playing and when they have food. I guess I’m asking , can we move forward from this? This morning she wouldn’t leave my toddlers side. Was sitting in his lap, sleeping on his feet. She feels bad.

So my dog is about 85lbs and she is reactive towards dogs. I'm a 150lb female who struggles to handle her but we get through our walks with a prong collar and management. However I have to be completely alert and steps ahead of her inorder to prevent a reaction or cut it short if it happens. I have a few questions that are just random and you don't have to answers all but only the ones that relate to you somehow.

Is there anyone here who feels that the only way they can walk their dog is a prong collar because it's the only tool that will prevent the dog from choking itself?

Prong collars vs Slip Leads, other tools:

Have you used slip leads for reactive dogs and would you say it's a good tool to use for a big strong dog that reacts? How do you use it to work for you and your dog? I have a very hard time with slip leads because I feel like I have no control even with it being at the top by her ears. I heard that it requires special skills.

Trainers and online help:

Which trainer or resources have helped you (it can be online or in person). I'm in Southern California. I've tried in person and spent quite some money recently with a trainer that only used an e-collar but I stopped using it because I felt like she was getting more reactive so I was afraid I was doing it wrong. He does give lifetime help so I'll have to check back with him for more sessions.

Positive or Balanced:

I know there is a great divide between positive only and balanced training but which one has helped you more?

To crate or not to crate:

I'm currently doing an online training (out of desperation I hop around with different trainer classes online) and it's so frustrating because there's always something I don't agree with. Like crating a dog all day for a month and only taking the dog out for training time so that you're their highlight of their day. No fun time. Only crate, come out to train and potty breaks . As boring as can be so that the dog has enthusiasm to train with you. So you believe this? Have you done this? Has it worked long term?

Sniffing on walks:

Lastly, do you allow your dog to sniff on walks whenever they please and pee where they please without due or designated areas. I've also heard that separating bathroom breaks from walks is good. Giving the dog a specific place to go gives you more control rather than the dog making the choice. What are your thoughts on this? What do you do so your dog doesn't pull you to sniff everywhere and mark everywhere? My dog loves to mark and scratch the grass with her paws.

Female Dogs and Fema handlers:

Lastly, do you believe female German shepherds or female dogs with female handlers struggle more? What are your thoughts on this combination.

I hope this all makes sense.

First the incident: my wife got back from a business trip and my dog was very excited. My wife was sitting in a chair and my dog did this thing she usually does where she climbs half way up and kissed her face and was soaking in the love. Then my wife touched her ear and apparently the dog has an ear infection. She yelped and paused for several seconds. I didn’t realize it but she was getting tense and my wife was starting to stand up to remove herself. My dog started barking aggressively close to her face. My wife put out her arm and my dog latched on and shook. I was 2 feet away and I wasn’t fast enough to stop it, but I forced her off with my legs after about a second. I brought her to her crate and then brought my wife to the ER. No broken bones and only puncture wounds. But a lot of pain. She was wearing a heavy shirt that definitely saved her arm during the shaking.

History: She’s not an aggressive dog, but she’s very anxious and has been basically since we got her at 12 weeks. Adopted from a shelter, shipped in from Georgia, malnourished and shelter shocked, pitbull mix. We researched a lot and brought her to training and thought we could manage it with exposure and training. She was bad with other dogs staring at 4 months but fine with most people. Barked at some men if they were quiet. Covid happened and almost all socializing stopped for a couple years.

We had a daughter at the start of Covid and everything was basically fine for a couple years. The dog was anxious around new people but fine around people she knew.

Then she started getting worse around people she didn’t know to the point we had to shelter her from it. Then she showed resource guarding against our toddler and we strictly separated them from then on. Meanwhile we went through several trainers. Most weren’t great but one gave us some strategies for making her know what she was supposed to do and show her that resources are ours until we give her permission.

Then she started showing reactivity to my wife with a barking incident. My wife started being more careful not to trigger her, and walk away when my dog got tense. During this time we were very careful about who she was exposed to, and unfortunately had to keep her world small to keep my daughter safe.

I didn’t realize the extent that my wife was changing her behavior and it was apparently an every day thing she had to manage. The dog has never been aggressive to me, and is a very smart and good listener. Though I am careful with my behavior as well when it comes to food or her ears, which are always a problem.

At this point we have an appointment with a mobile vet for the ear and to discuss the behavior. I also called a Vet Behaviorist, though that sounds like $600 for another training plan.

I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I know what it’ll take to manage her moving forward and it’s essentially me being the only caregiver with controlled exposure training to others. It’s shrinking her world even more and tying me to her every day for the rest of her life. That worries be because I have Long Covid and I can’t be 100% on every day. And im worried that one mistake could lead to catastrophe for my daughter or one of her friends. I’m also not sure rehoming is even an option for a dog with her history. We love her and have for the last 8 years. Shes the smartest dog I’ve ever heard of and she can be so sweet. Shes been a lot of work but we try to give her a good life. I’m trying to understand what my options even are at this point.

Let me start with saying, I love my dog more than anything. I have sacrificed so much of my life for him and his care. He has been there through the worst and darkest moments of my life, if I had never gotten him I almost certainly would not be here. He can also be the sweetest and most lovable guy to the people he knows.

But lately, I find myself wishing him away or breaking down in tears over everything he does and building up so much anger. I got my German Shepherd, Bowie, in February 2025 as a grief-impulse purchase after losing my previous GSD, Thor, who was my childhood dog and the main reason behind buying a home. Although Thor was reactive, he was far more trainable, had a lower prey drive, and only became more aggressive and direct after developing DM (targeting specific cats and growling when they came near, but never handler directed). Bowie, on the other hand, is completely unpredictable and reactive to virtually everything plus loves to redirect onto me. Sometimes he ignores a person walking past, and other times he waits until they pass and tries to nip at them, so he stays muzzled. He might ignore a semi truck or motorcycle one day, then completely lose his mind at them the next. On top of that, he reacts aggressively to dogs, children, cats, strangers, lawnmowers, bikes, windows, mirrors, and storefronts.
When he gets triggered inside the house, which happens almost constantly, he immediately starts barking frantically and trying to break out through the front window at whatever or whoever is outside. From there, he starts whining incessantly and bolts toward the stairs to try to get to the cats, though thankfully the metal gate and door at the top of the stairs as well as another gate setup at the bottom of the stairs keep him from reaching or even seeing them majority of the time.
I feel stuck after trying four different trainers with conflicting advice. The first focused solely on positive reinforcement, while the second pushed prong and e-collars (also told me that they wouldn’t blame me for taking him back to the breeder) (also, I am aware he is probably backyard bred and I am a terrible person for supporting that, learned my lesson). The third suspected a neurological issue and insisted the prong and E-collar were just working against me, leading me to spend $400 at a specialist an hour and a half away just to be told he was fine, given Trazodone, and referred to a behavioral specialist four and a half hours away. The fourth trainer uses force-free methods at a facility where he has been boarded, and surprisingly, he does fairly well in their daycare.
I thought I did everything right when he was a puppy by taking him everywhere to socialize (stores, sitting on the front porch, large parks, puppy group training, outside walks on trails filled with people every day), but one day it started to switch and everything became an issue. My ex wouldn't let him upstairs. As a result, Bowie was never socialized to my four cats, and now that he is full-grown, he is actively trying to hunt them.
He cannot be unsupervised ever because he is constantly trying to take himself out (jumping on counters, breaking glass then trying to eat it, chewing up anything he sees) Thor was predictable and easy to manage around triggers, but Bowie is completely erratic. One week he is an amazing dog and it finally feels like we’re making progress, but the next week it’s like the Tasmanian devil just possessed him.
On top of this, he has been a massive financial drain. After my ex and I split, I was left to cover the house, the cats, and Bowie’s mounting medical bills alone. Bowie requires sedation for every vet visit. It started with a tick bite during trainer two, an allergic reaction to the bite, and then into Lyme disease, leading to antibiotic refusal and severe lethargy. We switched antibiotics, added steroids and pain relievers for $300, but he continued cycling with his back leg. An X-ray revealed panosteitis, so we switched to a pain regimen that seemed to have worked.
After that period and with the new meds, he entered a manic phase where it felt dangerous to be alone with him. He learned to open doors and break out of his crate to hunt the cats, redirecting onto me when I intervened. I ended up covered in many many bites (never drawing blood ever) and bruises, resorting to using a broom handle hooked to his collar just to safely guide him downstairs. I begged the vets for help, saw the third trainer who noted it may be more physical than behavioral, spent $400 at the neurologist, got a second opinion, and eventually put up heavy-duty metal gates at the top of the stairs. The Trazodone from the neurologist helped temporarily before he deteriorated again and the mania reappeared with a severe ear infection requiring sedation and Claro treatments. Suspecting allergies, we tried Apoquel for $300 a month, then switched to Zenralia due to not much change from the Apoquel and reoccurring ear infections. During his neuter and gastropexy, they found a skin infection, leading to a hydrolyzed prescription diet on top of the zenralia that costs $190 per bag plus wet food, bringing his monthly medical and food costs even higher.
To make matters infinitely worse, I am completely out of money and drowning in $20k worth of credit card debt. I bought pet insurance to protect us, but they have denied every single claim based on two routine vet visits he had as a baby being considered pre-existing conditions. I've already maxed out CareCredit to cover his care, and now between my regular credit cards and his ongoing expenses, the debt is completely suffocating.
Present-day recovery and bed rest from the neuter have made him extremely active and frustrating to handle daily again. He has no off switch and there is a fine line between getting him tired and him beginning to redirect onto me out of frustration. He has also destroyed the back door of my new car due to his freak outs. I hate that I am constantly hyper vigilant on walks, that I can't take him on vacation or have guests over, and that my cats have been trapped upstairs for almost two years and lose most of their time with me except for sleeping. I know working dogs need jobs, but puzzle games and scent work only cause him extreme frustration and redirection attacks. He can't have lick mats or chew bones due to his strict diet, so I rely on place training and basic obedience commands every day just to administer his meds and feed him. I am still doing my best with him, but I am living in constant exhaustion, buried in debt, and losing hope. I am not the type to just give up on something, I never have been, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this without seeing some light at the end.