I was talking to my therapist (I genuinely can't remember what I was talking about, help) and she pointed out the fact that I used second person when describing myself, then first person when I switched up the perspective. I went on to say there are multiple me's inside my head, who argue, one is judgy and one takes all the blame, and I said, it's like DID, but I don't think I have it. My therapist said it IS DID, she explained my dissociation, how the trauma I experienced as a baby and toddler links to this. She said we would discuss derealisation and depersonalisation, (still not sure what these terms refer to, exactly) as well as whether or not I have amnesia next week.

I would have written this post on the day that I got diagnosed, but I couldn't, because my account was too new. If I had, I would have said I don't think I have amnesia. I still am skeptical, but I do know that my memory is really bad, although I just assume it's because of my lack of focus because of my ADHD.

I was formerly diagnosed with BPD before I turned 18. I did try group DBT therapy last year (I was 18), but I could not finish the program, since the mindfullness exercises made me feel really uncomfortable, I never feel in touch with my body, and I never want to. I'd forgotten about it, but my partner told me I described myself as an entity separated from my body, a light orb that floats at a distance, and that my body acts just as a tool.

The part that I feel very confused about is, who ARE these alters? Who is in charge right now? How many are there? I can only identify two or three, but I know for sure that there are many more. I never know who is the main one at any one moment. This is all so scary to think about, and I feel so ashamed of this diagnosis, because of the stigma, bad representation in mass media, and questions from others I have no idea how to answer.

I got diagnosed a couple months back and I’ve just started seeing this new therapist who is trained for dissociative disorders and I have done about everything that can be done to solidify this over the course of maybe 6 years? of therapy and shit and I just do not believe myself. I have severe ocd as well so I tend to doubt every problem I have ever had but it’s so bad with this. It’s ruining my life and I hate it and I want so so bad to be normal but I can’t dig out that thing under my skin telling me I’m doing this on purpose and I feel like it’s because if it is on purpose I have like the option to stop?? I thought for so so long I would feel better and stop questioning it once I was diagnosed and getting help but I can’t do it. I hate that I became aware of it early on because when I was younger I would see those videos of people on the internet switching and doing alter intros and get so fucking frustrated because why is it so fun and easy for you why can’t mine look like that??? I don’t know anyone else who lives like this and I don’t feel like anyone could understand it I can barely understand what’s happening in my own head I am so sick of this and I can’t even take myself seriously how do I get it through my head that this is real and I need to deal with it and it’s not something I can just stop doing??? Sorry for ramble I’m losing my mind a little

For me, if i even have DID (i think im stil in denial), DID to me feels like the world is a game. Or a show. Or a simulation. Like Truman show. And everyone is a character wired to be as mean and cruel as possible to you or to behave as nicely until you eventually screw up and initiate the meanness protocol everyone has coded to enact against you.

It feels like the whole world and universe and it's people are shrouded in a grey mirage that cannot be reached within the confines of my head. It feels like i was given a vessel; a spaceship made of human bones. And when i live it feels like its all one hazy dream that i cant get out of until im alone. It feels like my true reality is one that is in my head. And im stuck living this fucked up alter reality that people call "the real world". And im doing it all with what feels like having "mental chaperones".

These chaperones being confused, confuzzled cartoon clowns from tv wondering why they're here and why everything is so lame and why they cant come out and play. They dont seem to understand the world would crush them if they ever felt the pressure it brings. So i keep them inside. Forever. Indefinitely. Until i stumble upon a safe space i can rip off my ugly skin and spread my beautiful butterfly wings that i know would be admired and appreciated and I'd be able to be fully authentic. My toons would like that too. Theyre begging for freedom and to be let out and every day they get louder and louder.

hi, I've been struggling with communication amongst my Alters. I was diagnosed recently and I'm kind of learning what works for me. Does anyone have advice for communication. I try to leave notes, some internal communication or if I feel dissociation I try to repeat what I was doing at the moment. So if anyone has any advice please share.

What do you guys do at night? Do you all find that nighttime is a time of day where your parts are alters are more active? Do you experience more switching and/or communication? If so, what do you guys do when these sensations do some about? I'd like to know if its healthy of me to lean into the signals and just. Listen to music with them or play a game. I guess what im trying to ask if you guys have designated "system bonding times" and if those tend to occur at night.

looool weird question. i keep having dreams and “switching” in them, but im not sure if that’s actually happening or if i’m just dreaming about switching 🤔 it’s really hard to explain and i don’t know how to describe it (i guess the same can be said irl too?) but it’s really weird. i wanted to know if anyone experienced the same thing!

(I posted this initially on an alt but idk if its shadowbanned or smth weird but it just didn't get any attention so I thought posting it on my main would help)

Hello all,
I hope that you are all doing well in these moments, at least for now

Earlier this week, after months and months of evals, I got diagnosed with DID. Honestly I don't really know how to feel about the whole thing. One part of me (as the host) feels a bit of relief to know whats going on, but another part feels just as confused and lost as I was before this all. I've spent the last few months getting to know my system so the diagnosis wasn't that much of a shock.

I guess getting the diagnosis at all makes this feel a lot more real than it did before. There was a lot of denial of it all, but this is medical proof that its legit--and still I kinda can't get over the imposter syndrome.
[[Doesn't help that the "gang" (lol) doesn't speak to me that-that much, only sometimes--makes me feel like I'm just crazy, even if the diagnosis says otherwise.]]

So, I come here asking for some advice from y'all. How did you guys, those who have official diagnoses anyhow, cope, accept, and generally manage post diagnosis. Any advice helps really. For me, for the others, whatever little tidbit you see fit sharing. Maybe some advice on connecting with your system more. I know at least that, for some odd reason, the whole system loves playing Dressmaker. Like...every time I play...they all come...like even the littles????

Beyond that, I need a new therapist now, or at least thats what my current one says--cause she doesn't have any real training of dissociative disorders and I lwk don't exactly have much knowledge on the types of therapies and treatments people with DID and related get (so much for literally going to university for psych lol).

I'd some some advice/info from those who have been in DID specific therapy. What has worked for yall? I read a little bit about EMDR, my therapist suggested it too, but I'd like to hear about how it's been for like an actual being and not what google tells me lol. [if yall need some like general info to like help with suggesting lmk and i'll answer what I feel comfortable answering]
Also like, I don't really have trauma memories (but I feel like this is common for hosts?) so Idk how much that impacts anything. Obv the therapy is for everyone but like yeah

so yeah, all in all, any advice is really appreciated--seriously
This has been a really eye-opening, hectic time of my life -- tbf though I don't exactly have many memories to pick from oof (high amnesia core amirite.....save me)

thats all, thanks for everything peeps

- mr. host (Niko)

Hello. I’m going to get straight to the chase. I’ve made a friend 3-4 years ago when I was 17-18 (im 21 now and he’s 23 now) Me and this friend used to talk all the time and hangout when we could during those times, we called and texted every day too. We stopped talking because of a disagreement we couldn’t see eye to eye on and I was also newly in a relationship and wanted to respect my partner but anyways. I haven’t spoken to my friend in 3 years since then…Until I seen his social media pop up on my Instagram and I follow him, he follows back then dms me and we get to talking there.

• NOTE: I am mentally ill and on the autistic spectrum, I have DID and id talk about it to my friend a lot because I trusted him in the past. (I don’t want to go in detail about it, it’s complicated.) Since it being years since we had a connection we decided to call, we spoke about our life, past and current relationships and what we want to do in the future, i mentioned my most recent ex a few times and how I still talk to him because we are rebuilding. A day goes by of me and this friend talking he randomly says ‘I like you a lot and i want to rush things’ pretty much and I was caught off guard, how could you still feel his way about me three years later? You don’t know me now. Long story short he’s also on the spectrum (lol) and asked me to call him again so we could talk about it more but I say no because calling makes me anxious and I don’t want to maybe argue about a relationship stat. He kept bringing up my DID as if my alters had anything to do with how I feel and want. He forced and cursed at me to call and I never did all he did was trigger me a switch and of course my alters become upset and a aggressive protector comes in, not being disrespectful but putting my foot down for me. My ‘friend’ continued to say ‘fuck you I hate you you’re ruining __ relationships’ at that moment I snapped back in and told him to stop bringing in my mental illness as a way for leverage because I am only interested in being friends.

Then he shut me down, telling me I’m manipulative and abusive. This morning I blocked him because I cannot deal with people who use my mental illness or autism as a scapegoat for the way I FEEL. I could tell me was-projecting because I am in a better place than he is (mentally, relationships, financial) I don’t want to deal with someone that triggers me. It hurts.

I know for a fact DID has heavily impacted myself and life for as long as I can remember. For most my life I’ve had identity issues and memory loss. I am professionally diagnosed, my symptoms are very evident, it greatly affects my daily life and as a result, my sleep, hygiene, diet, and my social and work lives. Months and years go by in blurs. But sometimes I get the itching paranoia it’s something else, and it’s either usually the fear of cognitive issues or something spiritual. I guess partially because I’m rarely sure of who my alters are and the difference between them and “me”. The consistency between it all is hard to pinpoint, there’s a lot of noise in my head and I blank and forget it as soon as I try digging for it and making sense of it.

I’m not particularly spiritual, I‘ve had a slight interest/curiosity in it, but I’ve always had a paranoia when it came to messing with more of that stuff. I’ve actually recently had it triggered because I’m trying to figure out how to quickly leave an old toxic friend group I joined as a teenager seven years ago and I haven’t talked to in ages but had highly spiritual people who spoke very definitively of this stuff and it having negative impacts on their lives. My mom also is pretty spiritual and interested in more witchy stuff.

I know I have other earlier memories, but one of my clearest memories of a mental breakdown that seemed to involve switching was when I was 9 and totally just lost it, acted different than normal, stayed up for days at a time just breaking down and fighting and getting angry. My mom told me of times I’d just stare off zoned out and freaked her out, and me recounting this to my therapist contributed to her confidence in my diagnosis. But I mentioned this memory to my mom recently and she said there was other instances of me doing this, and our cat at the time had a freakout like someone was behind her, scratched her and hid, and this hadn’t happened before or since. There was also a string of other unlucky/traumatic incidents at the time for her and for me. She thought I’d been possessed since I never acted like this before and gave me holy water. At first I laughed it off but sometimes it creeps in, like, what if all this spiritual stuff is real and I’ve just been possessed? My life is so, so full of misfortune and bad luck and trauma and everything that could go wrong does that I worry sometimes. I’m a little too embarrassed to incoherently ramble this to my therapist, so I guess I’m just talking to the void.

I usually always lean towards logic and psychology and reality, but sometimes this stuff gets to me, especially while I’m currently building up the courage to leave that group that traumatized me (I feel the need to first go back and delete every message I sent there over the span of 7 years, because I overshared so much personal life information because I got convinced they were my new family, and I’m scared of them having that so it’s taking me forever). I just feel crazy and I could use some other perspectives on it, maybe advice on dealing with it or just people who get it. Thanks.

I’m an alcoholic, sometimes when I feel like I need to drink something my alters force their way into fronting or at least co-fronting and stop me. This has also happened with other things, asking out my crush, drawing, eating, washing my hands, ect ect. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this and none of my friends that are also systems know how to stop them. (I currently don’t have a therapist in case that was involved with a solution)

Last night I had maybe an episode or something, it basically I felt like I weighed nothing and I was “floating” but basically. I got thoughts of similar to “am I even real” type of thoughts. While feeling like I was between reality and non reality, idk how to word it sorry 🥲

Not sure if it’s an alter, because it didn’t feel like my thought. I am unsure how to go about it, I also didn’t get a clear answer when I talked about it with my doctor.

But it felt like an alter was questioning if they were real, and I can’t help but think that maybe it’s because of the social worker at my school who called my alters “imaginary friends” or terms similar to it.

Any advice?

Sometimes, in our dreams, we appear to each other. It is still a dream, so it’s not like our “real” interactions with each other. It’s more like being a character if that makes sense.
And depending on who is dreaming, sometimes we wake up knowing that the other people in the dream were part of our system, but more often than not, the host will wake up extremely confused as to who those people were and why they seemed to know them when they can’t recall those faces in real life.
I personally really enjoy system dreams. Actually being able to see each other is really cool, even if it’s fictional/made up by our REM sleep.

I keep having like, rapid switches happening? My eyes roll and I can feel my face change. I think I've identified the two who are going back and forth, but I digress. It doesn't feel like a normal switch where I get super sleepy or out of it, it's more sudden and there is a lot more mental carryover between the parts when it happens than usual. And when one comes out and says/does smth, the other is inside talking back and vice versa. The level of communication happening is making me think that it's cofronting, rather than rapid switching, especially as I'm not particularly stressed about anything, and these two are known to work together in some capacity.

I guess I'm wondering if, for those of you who have experienced cofronting, was it at all similar to my experience? What does cofronting feel like for you?

Originally posted in r/IFS but was guided to posting here.

I don't know what is even happening. I just filled out the MID form for my therapist to see if it's DID or something else. I am specifically attending IFS/trauma therapy for dissociation. This is my 2nd attempt at a diagnosis because I left the prior one due to me not believing any of this shit was real and thinking I was being dramatic.

But sometimes there's a couple people yet just only one who interacts with partner. Going into these weird half aware states where I'm filled with nothing but disgust and contempt. there have been times where I've started arguments (over text, never in person. This only happened twice in the last year) because I didn't know who she was to me. We were long distance at the time. I moved her in eventually because she was losing her residence. The dissociation has gotten worse since she's been physically present. I didn't recognize her and it pissed me off that a stranger was in my life. The moments of not knowing her are still present but that's when I ask to be left alone and she goes upstairs. All I remember is drinking or being outside going for a walk to contain the discomfort. I find myself recording voice memos having to get the frustration out. Feeling like a paranoid person. Just the other night something happened. I can't remember what it was, but I just remember standing on the couch looking out the window feeling like I was being trapped and very paranoid that she was standing outside the door listening to my thoughts. Almost like she could hear them. I checked and she wasn't there. Having to do that pissed me off more. Idk, this shit is ridiculous. She is sweet and I am filled with disgust. Every hug feels like a performance, having to think of torturing her just to feel something when everything else is numb. She knows this too- i tell her everything out of guilt. I am not a reactive person so she knows I wont hurt her. I trust myself, anyway. Most times.

She is very supportive, but her support bothers me for some reason. There's guilt but also a lack of compassion. It truly is like night and day. I'm still in the intake process with therapist so we won't get to this issue until later on but I'm wondering if anyone else feels like this. I have absolutely no reason to feel this way towards her but I'm wondering if it's the more closed off part hating the independence being infiltrated on. She's told me before it's like a part of me is speaking while another is acting. Because my words and actions don't match. It's confusing.

I have constant amnesia and know nothing about my own life. It’s all that happens

I try to combat it by writing but become avoidant of that & forget that too. Then I discover what I wrote, become distressed, switch, avoid, have dissociative amnesia, etc.

About trauma, about anything else.

But about trauma, I feel stupid, I know something happened but I don’t know what happened! But I get somatic flashbacks and other kinds… and my parts of course but I can’t just conveniently engage with them as if they’re just a normal reasonable person, like how you talk to friends, they’re not “friends in my head”, I can’t reason with them, it continues regardless, it’s just entirely distressing. My EPs make my heart ache.

Everything is terrible, awful, everything is very bad, I don’t know what to do…

one of my parts threw away all my food. his reasoning? "i needed to restart, all the food was probably contaminated anyway". im so beyond annoyed. i have £20 to my name, and he threw out EVERYTHING i bought in my £150 bulk shop. im so so mad. what possesses a part to do this. wtf.

Hello,

We are still in system discovery but went through a big part of life wondering if we were Bi. A couple of years ago we hit crisis along with severe OCD loops/flashbacks and ended up doing compulsions and trying to check and make sense of it all. However , I've now done alot of therapy and I think I'm actually straight. So I'm wondering is there many other straight men with DID? Did you ever wonder about your sexuality?

We are in therapy currently and it's helped to some degree. Our Guardian Alter has had to take over several times to prevent spiraling. The Main/Host frequently tells our wife that he has really bad headaches and "doesn't know who he is anymore". Is there any way to reduce the amount of times we switch in a day? It's generally 3-5 times per day depending on the day, what we are doing, and who is Prime/Fronting in the morning. Any advice is appreciated, general conversation is also welcome, love you all. 🖤

could be did, could be osdd, doesnt matter

also im not diagnosed and im not looking for a diagnosis! reddit keeps taking this post down cause it thinks i wanna b diagnosed

this post probably wont be linear, im stoned rn cause it helps me and this “system” think and communicate clearer and takes down the dissociative barriers between us (if i let it). actually thats what started this syscovery

so for some boring backstory: around 2023 or 2024 probably? i contemplated having osdd, i even identified a few ‘alters’ who went by completely different names and appearances than the ones i’ve identified now — though looking back on it they feel familiar? like their identities are still all the same, just different presentations

then another time i think??? i started writing in a journal and then rediscovered it likeee 6-12 months ago, i vaguely remember writing in it but something just feels off about the memory yk? the journal was full of begging for alters to show themselves and talk in the journal, i found two entries from two separate alters plus some alter drawings from the style i had at the time. i sorta remember writing both entries but i dont wanna write that off as dissociative barriers between alters because i was going thru a tough time mentally from 2021-2025, my brain probably just blocked it out

present day though—

now im going thru a third ‘syscovery’ and i had been using pluralspace for a good week but since yesterday, i really have been trying to ignore my ‘alters’ and everything because i genuinely could be just mentally playing with dolls right now, i could be talking to characters ive made up in my head for my own comfort

there is this one alter that specifically keeps trying to inform me and convince me of these alters but im always afraid that that voice is me trying to cling to the “system” label so ill have a reason to be sad or special or something

plus they all sound like me!!! which like, if they are real they arent very distinct, so obviously some will have similar voices and personalities and also non possessive switches and whatever, but whenever im like “please just say something original!!” it kinds feels like deep down im just straining for something ‘original’ to ‘say back’ so i can keep this whole did regime up. and then i either get a response that i feel i generated, or is too similar to exactly what i’d say. it’s very rare i hear anything in this headspace that takes me by surprise

also!! this is a recent experience, just like an hour ago. i had the munchies and wanted peanuts… or maybe it was someone else who wanted peanuts, idk. but someone did not want peanuts. i literally could feel my appetite for peanuts switching on and off and on and off, i was arguing to keep my peanut appetite, but the other guy didn’t want em. i didnt end up having any which sucks because peanuts sound really good rn

sometimes it feels like some kinda presence is beside or moving near me?? which could be some cptsd flashback shit but could also be a symptom of this idk idk

im not using any of my system stuff anymore and in the back of my mind theres little voices saying "we're real bring us back" or whatever buttt idc!!! i think im just bsing

my access to a therapist is complicated and limited so this post is mainly just a place to put some of my symptoms and experiences to see what other people have to say

im done writing now i wanna go to bed

For context, no one goes by our birth name. Our host did out of necessity before realizing we had alters, However, they are also transitioning the body with the systems full support. But we think we have had a host switch once before (maybe more than once, whole decades are barely there memory wise), and he has this horrible worry we can switch again and the new host will like, regret it or something. We've tried to say ok, then we'll change our name again. It happens. He really wants to do it and vote is an easy yes. None of us like our birth name. But for some reason he seems to be the one stopping himself (common problem with our system, he worries everything he does for himself negatively impacts the system even when we as a system voted it's totally cool. Like he was one of the only people who was uncertain about taking T for so long because what about the femmes in the system and we had to reassure him many times that none of us gave af). For context, he also is the one who where the body feels like "his" as in in the head, every form, whatever, this is his body. The rest feel like we would probably have a different body if we were not all alters, he doesn't. This doesn't mean we see him as like the "true person", we're not even sure he always existed, just how the system works. And he is getting consistently misgendered because our life is set up weird and we can't change our name at work until it's legal even in practice.

Transitioning has greatly improved honestly pretty much everyone's life and we're pretty sure the name change would too. How do we help him deal with the fear that like a big change like this we could "change our mind about" in the future?

Pre realizing our system it felt like we couldn't make up our mind about anything and I think some of that is still affecting him.

-Mom (caregiver) with Graham (host) who agrees to all of this just feels bad/weird asking

I’m fairly new to all this, officially diagnosed somewhere around 4 months ago (I was not in existence back then so the memory surrounding it and the dates are all very fuzzy), and have been working my butt off to manage this disorder and learn to work together as a system. I’ve gotten to the point of decent stabilization (I’m very lucky that all my active parts are willing to work together so it sped up the process. all we all want is harmony- not necessarily becoming one, but to just not have problems) where switches don’t happen as frequently, and memory is a lot better between us. I am officially diagnosed OSDD, so I started with partial memory to begin with, not full memory loss.

Anyway as part of working on getting better, I watch a lot of videos of mental health professionals explaining things, talking about coping mechanisms, etc, outside of therapy so I can work on things more if I can. And I am an avid comment reader on videos.

I see a lot of support, and of course the usual fake claimers and people saying it’s not real and such.

But today I was watching a video and a strange amount of people saying they were a psychiatrist/therapist or just ‘a professional in the field‘ were calling the disorder fake, or calling out people for explaining their side of things as fake.

One in particular pissed me off a whole lot more than usual. They said ‘If you’re going to fake a disorder, you should at least know how it presents’, to a person opening up about their experiences with DID (which lined up extremely well anyway with everything official I’ve read about DID and everything here).

idk I’m not really looking for anything in particular. A rant maybe? Not sure. Just needed to vent somewhere. I’m sure you all hear this a lot.

I'm having a hard time. we overslept a lot cuz A (I'll call the little this in the post, she seems to be around 5) didn't wanna wake up. it felt like screaming on the inside it's time to wake up and panicking cuz we're gonna be late. with no result. till i finally managed to get some controll. but now A is there to. they're a lot. they make the brain go loud and chaotic. they don't wanna work. they're tired. I don't know how to deal with them during work. speaking words is really hard right now. the body feels heavy and it feels as if something is trying to keep us still. so everything takes a lot of effort. i dont know how to get through the day. how do you guys handle this?